Help OH is ruining everything

moneyowen

Hi just have to tell someone because I am fuming having done so well just a week ago by spending only £115.00 at Asda for months shopping sent OH out for some potatoes and fresh salad this morning and when he came back with 4 carrier bags of food costing nearly £46.00 I hit the roof he said that he had looked in the cupboards for something nice to snack on and there was nothing there. I explained that they had eaten all that I had baked on the weekend and I was about to bake some more for the week cupboards fridge and freezer are well stocked with food and he had spent that money on rubbish how do you deal with someone like this

serena

Put him on ebay??:D

allIcouldwishfor

moneyowen wrote: »

... he said that he had looked in the cupboards for something nice to snack on and there was nothing there.

My OH is just the same. If he looks in the fridge and there's nothing he can grab and eat with no preparation or effort whatsoever, he says "we've got no food in".

Don't ever send him to the shops. For anything. Ever.

moneyowen

Al_Mac wrote: »

Did you tell him, or is this another female wanting a mind reading OH?

Yes I've talked about nothing else for weeks it must be going over his head

manicstreetpreacher

I dread my husband coming to the supermarket with me. What is it with men and supermarkets? - he simply has to buy everything. I buy what's on the list, get to the till, £20 odd quid - bingo. When he's with me it's £50 plus. Nightmare.

poodlehorse

moneyowen wrote: »

Yes I've talked about nothing else for weeks it must be going over his head

From bitter experience I have learned that talking about something a lot makes no difference as men blot things out after a while because they are doing something else eg watching TV, driving, eating or when they next need to take a breath . So sometimes you need to make sure you have their attention when you get to an important bit. My DH needs bullet points really and I feel I should conduct our relationship through powerpoint. Also you have to be explicit in everything. So telling him you are trying to save money by making more yourself will not lead them to think as a woman that this means you have snacks in hand and he needs to just ask what is arranged. You will need to say if you are looking for something to eat and you can't see anything tell me and I will see what we have or make something for you. Maybe put a note in the bottom of the biscuit tin/snack box telling him what arrangements are in place ie will bake this morning there is toast and jam if you can't wait. I have realised that their brains just work differently and they hear different things from women even when the same thing is said. Neither are right or wrong - just different.

If this still does not work then I think going ballistic probably is the last option. Also remember that a man is programmed to find solutions to problems. He probably genuinely thought he was helping you out and he solved the snack problem for you and was looking for praise and is now very confused and a little hurt. HE just needs to be reminded that this is not his problem to solve. I read a book can you tell? It worked too - we communicate much more effectively now.

Plum_Pie

moneyowen wrote: »

Yes I've talked about nothing else for weeks it must be going over his head

Do you have to write it down somewhere public eg a calendar in the kitchen?

Do the two of you need to talk about the family budget to make sure you have the same goals/plans? (Apologies if you've already talked about this or been advised about this on debt board - I don't post there.)

letsgobilliejoe

poodlehorse wrote: »

From bitter experience I have learned that talking about something a lot makes no difference as men blot things out after a while because they are doing something else eg watching TV, driving, eating or when they next need to take a breath .

OI! less of the man-bashing! i'm the one that keeps me and OH together! I tell her not to waste money, especially with food, but madam would prefer to order dominos for £15 than put my pre-prepared lunch in the microwave!

I have realised that their brains just work differently and they hear different things from women even when the same thing is said. Neither are right or wrong - just different.

physiologically almost correct. Males develop to use different parts of their brain to effect, whereas females tend to use most of their brain at all times to effect. However, the myth that men only use 50%, thus 50% input and output maximum is utter drivel.

Also remember that a man is programmed to find solutions to problems.

no. a man is "programmed" to use his brain in a different way to a woman. Though innate, theusage of the brain for problem solving is learned. If you train someone with 50% brain activity (a man) the same as dispersed 100% potential brain activity (a woman), each party will have the same learning curve and potential. Whether the person subconsciously learns to successfully problem solve is down to determination and teaching.


In short: sexist pig.

letsgobilliejoe

oh, and in reply to the OP:

never let him do it again. ever. put him on a lead if you have to.

lil_me

I never let him go, bloomin' easier, give him £10 to buy some milk and bread the last time, came back and he'd spent the £10 and didn't even get the bread.

Saying that I know households where only the man does the shopping because of the Mrs overspending.

A meal plan on the wall, inc when baking is planned and rationing snacks so you don't 'run out' because it's all been eaten might help

COOLTRIKERCHICK

serena wrote: »

Put him on ebay??:D

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

if i done this with my hubby i would get a negative and a chargeback 'not fit for purpose.'...lol....

all joking iaside i love my hubby to bits..... but i know exactly where you are coming from....with there's nothing in the cupboards..we got no food....sinario....

solution... just make sure there are snack and grab things in the cupboard..... i was thinking of mking some spare sandwiches and keeping them in the fridge.... they will never go to waste as hubby can have them for work the next day...:D