Help OH is ruining everything

euronorris

puddy wrote: »

well mine wouldnt care if he gets in loads of debt which then puts pressure on us both, so its not his money so to speak, its our money

Well, that's another issue to tackle, but he needs to tackle it.

Is the debt in his name only? Or does he use a joint CC/Overdraft?

If it is just in his name, I would be tempted to let him get into debt and deal with it himself. And if he wouldn't, well...

Sorry, I just feel you might be unintentionally enabling his bad habits/behaviour. I understand where you are coming from, I do, but I don't think that things will ever improve if you continue down this route.

Reverbe

puddy wrote: »

you're doing the rounds on this site and just winding people up. do you think a partner is someone with no rights in the home?

ermm no I am just a regular MSE user with an interest in many things. This country if you are not aware has a HUGE obesity problem. These men are eating far in excess of what it surely must take to feed an adult. I dont think a partner is someone with no rights but I do think that we have a right to take care of ourselves and stand up for ourselves if we are being forced to pay for someone elses unreasonable behaviour in the way that women who have to buy and cook HUGE amounts of food out of a small budget or who have husbands who throw perfectly good food away are...

Any

ColleenPamela wrote: »

Sigh.

I mentioned meal planning to OH this afternoon, as I pay for all the food shopping and I'll be out of a job at the next of next week so really need to work hard to cut my bills down. His response? He doesn't want to and wont do it. It's so stupid, I wish I'd never mentioned it, if I'd just told him what we're having for tea every night he'd never know.

The problem is he eats everything in his path...I can never save anything as if it's not eaten within three days of being bought that obviously means that I wasn't ever going to eat it and he should eat it. When we first lived together I did so well with controlling the budget for food but he soon started complaining that the cupboards were empty (they weren't, just not constantly full to bursting point) and told me to buy more. He then started inserting himself into my shopping trips- as soon as he did that, the food bill doubled.

I don't know if I'm venting or asking for advice really, I try so hard to be a good OH but I seem to fail at every turn I'm so scared at not having a regular wage coming in that I'm just dreading going near the shops..

You could be talking about my OH here!! Apart from him coming to shops with me, he just won't do it, so he's got what I bought and if he wants more he has to go and buy it himself (which he often does...).

But 18 packets of crisps in a week no problem etc... if I don't eat it within specified (in his head) period it's up to him to eat it!!

I barely get a biscuit or packet of crisps so nowadays I take my share to work with me if I want to have some!

It's not about you being bad OH - it seems he is not considering your fears about not having an income...

puddy

euronorris wrote: »

Well, that's another issue to tackle, but he needs to tackle it.

Is the debt in his name only? Or does he use a joint CC/Overdraft?

If it is just in his name, I would be tempted to let him get into debt and deal with it himself. And if he wouldn't, well...

Sorry, I just feel you might be unintentionally enabling his bad habits/behaviour. I understand where you are coming from, I do, but I don't think that things will ever improve if you continue down this route.

bad behaviour!

well he will see that there is no need to tackle it, but i see the domino effect. yes the debt is in his name but it means that if he is paying to finance debt it reduces our ability to go out, go for meals, have treats etc as i wouldnt expect to pay for this all myself

so i 'manage' him in way that means there is give and take, there is compromise. i do struggle with some of the posters on this section who speak as if they're doling out school dinners, but as i say i veer from that to wanting to stick to my budget

Any

OMG, some of the stories on here... !!
My OH can go over the top with snacks (mainly since he stopped smoking), but nothing in this excess!!

euronorris

puddy wrote: »

bad behaviour!

well he will see that there is no need to tackle it, but i see the domino effect. yes the debt is in his name but it means that if he is paying to finance debt it reduces our ability to go out, go for meals, have treats etc as i wouldnt expect to pay for this all myself

Understandably! You shouldn't have to either.

so i 'manage' him in way that means there is give and take, there is compromise. i do struggle with some of the posters on this section who speak as if they're doling out school dinners, but as i say i veer from that to wanting to stick to my budget

I don't think it's a case of doling out school dinners, so to speak. From my point of view, OH wants us to stick to a budget, as I do, but he isn't particularly interested in the ins and outs of it, and planning etc. He wants the best of both worlds, and he can't have that. He can either stick to a budget and not have so many treats, or he can blow the budget every month and not go out, not buy his gadgets etc etc.

I have a feeling though, that the crux of the problem here is your OH's attitude to money and debt. I don't really know what to suggest there, as I'm sure you've already tried to talk to him about that.

puddy

euronorris wrote: »

I don't think it's a case of doling out school dinners, so to speak. From my point of view, OH wants us to stick to a budget, as I do, but he isn't particularly interested in the ins and outs of it, and planning etc. He wants the best of both worlds, and he can't have that. He can either stick to a budget and not have so many treats, or he can blow the budget every month and not go out, not buy his gadgets etc etc.

I have a feeling though, that the crux of the problem here is your OH's attitude to money and debt. I don't really know what to suggest there, as I'm sure you've already tried to talk to him about that.

ad infinitum! so much loss seems to have caused a real short termism in his outlook, he is slowly changing it but its real baby steps.

gunsandbanjos

euronorris wrote: »

I don't think it's a case of doling out school dinners, so to speak. From my point of view, OH wants us to stick to a budget, as I do, but he isn't particularly interested in the ins and outs of it, and planning etc. He wants the best of both worlds, and he can't have that. He can either stick to a budget and not have so many treats, or he can blow the budget every month and not go out, not buy his gadgets etc etc.

Definitely not! My DH eats what i make and never complains, but i also know what he particularly likes so will take care to make sure i make his favourites regularly.
Very few school dinners serve fillet mignon;)

euronorris

puddy wrote: »

ad infinitum! so much loss seems to have caused a real short termism in his outlook, he is slowly changing it but its real baby steps.

Would he/has he considered therapy? Could help, but only if he recognises there is a problem, which I bet he doesn't.

Reverbe

euronorris wrote: »

Would he/has he considered therapy? Could help, but only if he recognises there is a problem, which I bet he doesn't.

careful norris I was called a WUM for suggesting that?? Seems to be tho this guy has quite a few issues...