Help OH is ruining everything

ceridwen

Well - actually - its just struck me that if I'd ever got married that we would BOTH be sitting down jointly and working out a mealplan (ie if meal-planning was the way we had decided to go). It would be an hour or two a month - with recipe books/etc to hand and a list of what foods needed to be used and:
- "Right - how about x for dinner on Monday"
- "Right - about Tuesday - well your meeting will go on late until - so we'd better have something quick then...as we'll both be starving"

.....and so on.

But then - mine would be a household where we both took totally equal responsibility for all housework/shopping/cooking
(part of the reason I never found Mr Right - because obviously he would be a "fair sharer" in domestic responsibilities and I could see a lot of men would have tried not to be....so they were never under consideration for the role...:rotfl:).

MessyMare

Thank you everyone, I've had some really great ideas I think I'm pretty frustrated by it because I told him he could choose whatever he wanted and I would cook it, so long as I already had the meat- so beef or chicken based. Or veggie. But hey ho. I'll still do it, it'll just be secret and he'll have to eat what he's given!

Puddleglum

We do ok. A well stocked biscuit and cake tin and there are no complaints about meals, even though they are sometimes a bit desperate, if I say so myself!

I have had to give up on alternatives to washing powder though in the interests of a quiet life. It has left me with lots of gloop and soap nuts though which I may sneak back to the washing machine in a few months time.

Mrs_Arcanum

Stick to the meal plans & just avoid all the unnecessary extras. If he wants these he buys them. That way you keep to your budget but he gets the extras he wants.

maman

I'm not 100% sure where your OH has a problem colleen. Is it because he thinks a meal plan is boring and predictable or is it because he likes to have full cupboards/fridge to help himself to when snacking?

My OH just eats whatver I put in front of him. I do ask most weeks if there's anything in particular he'd fancy but he just tells me we have lovely food so anything will do (creep isn't he;)). He does like to snack a bit so I buy him some minimal treats: pkt of biscuits from Lidl, SP teacakes, one piece of cheese, crackers, Lidl frankfurters or fishfingers for if he fancies a hot sandwich, multi packs of Crunchies/fudge/twix from Farmfoods. I don't buy these all in one week these are just examples of cheap snacks that he can help himself too. All our meals are very healthy so it gives him the chance to relax a bit.

My meal plan is just 7 meals that we can eat in any order to suit circumstances. At least a couple are HM ready meals from freezer that we can have any time we're too busy to cook from scratch. Others are made from meat out of the freezer and fresh/frozen veg. I do a weekly plan but try not to repeat meals too often.

I'm frugal because I hate wasting money, hate being ripped off and like to spend what I have wisely. I don't see that letting your OH buy his own treats will help the overall household budget but it might bring home to him how much he is wasting. My DH was amazed the other week when he bought a single Crunchie in a small shop for 65p:eek: He soon appreciated the multipacks in the cupboard.

I think you perhaps need to approach it from an overall budget point of view and not just food shopping/meal planning. If he could see in black and white how little would be left each month using his methods or you had something good to save for (holiday or something) perhaps he'd gve it a whirl.

Good Luck.

heretolearn_2

Never mind old style, it's a battle to get OH to be even normal style in my house!

Saw four suspicious looking bulging black sacks lined up in the hall last weekend. 'What's in there?' I ask OH. 'Oh just old stuff from the boys room they don't want any more. I'm going to take it down the tip.' he replies.

Peek into boys room (stepsons who come to stay. Now got to early teens so have thoroughly outgrown a lot of their toys and stuff, but was still all in there). Pretty much all toys - gone!

Now I know that in those bags are heaps of lego, early learning centre wooden fort, remote control cars, all sorts, all in lovely condition 'cos they only got played with now and then...

Wrestled back possession of the bags to go through this weekend - might find a few bits to ebay but the rest will be off to family/friends and to charity shops and probably about one bag of junk to go to tip.

And he couldn't see why I would bother... :-(

I find that so terrible. It's not particularly hard or OS to not want to landfill a load of perfectly good toys another child would love.

O

cottage_retreatist

My OH is fatal! I can't take him shopping with me and I can't let him in the kitchen - not only does he never clean up after himself but meal plans go out the window as soon as he looks in the fridge - 2 types of meat will come out the freezer when I only planned for one - but we can have the sausages for brunch and the mince for supper - is his reply!!

I'v succeeded now in stringent planning - i do a few days preparation before going to do the monthly shop -checking out offers, seeing what to do from websites with recipes and so forth and I've even started decanting value goods into all the douwe egberts coffee jars we've got - mostly coffee and teabags etc so he can't eat - I've also begun hiding sections of multipacks so he can't eat/drink everything at once!

My goodness I sound like a psychopath with too much time on my hands!! :eek: but for good or worse it works! for good as far as the bank is concerned!!!

Just don't tell him is my advice!! pretend you've gone all 1950s housewife on him and take control!!!

YORKSHIRELASS

The only way that we can make it work in our house is if I have 100% control over the food shopping, meal planning and cooking. It just doesnt work any other way. To be fair to hubby he is fine with this although he gets a bit bewildered by my systems and doesnt understand why I get really upset when he doesnt use something up before opening a new packet.

I put a lot of time and effort in trying to keep our grocery bills to a minimum and its something that really matters to me - I do think some of my friends and family think I am a bit bonkers!

pinkmami

Its a "man thing" I reckon. I'm a SAHM & DH gives me £xxx cash up front every month for food so I budget. I divide the cash into 4 weeks & I usually have some left over cos I'm good at budgeting (well I reckon so!). I do use most shop own brand or value where I can. Every Sunday we have a roast dinner & I make lots. We are 5 (DH, myself & 3 kids under 10) & DH will eat a second portion & I plate up for him for Monday nights' tea.

I meal plan - just done's the winter one for 4 weeks. I don;'t stick religiously to it but I have a roast dinner every Sunday & a casserole/chops with potatoes/lobscouse every Wednesday. other things on it are chilli con carne, fish & chips, spag bold, egg & chips, cottage pie, jar of curry sauce (Pataks), chicken in Black bean sauce (Asda's own brand today & its lovely), pizza, macaroni cheese, lasagne........I also have some ready meals in the freezer like lasagnes, currys, waffles & nuggets for the kids. We're not into fancy foods, plain & simple in our house !!!!

I also buy value biccies, cakes & the odd treat!

Oh and another thing is he complains when I buy shop own brand beans etc! I manage the budget so I have to! But at Christmas we so splash out on nice branded things, and the posh things from the supermarket!!!

Newgirl_2

Sorry to hear you're losing your job ColleenPamela and good for you for thinking ahead to make sure you have a plan.

But I'm just a little bit confused why you say you will be out of a job therefore 'you' will need to cut 'your' bills down yet you're talking about the food you both eat. Surely if it's food for both of you it would be 'our' bills?

As for him not getting it, i'd suggest he's gonna have to get it once it's reality! The above suggestions all seem like good ones and only you know what will work with your OH. I'm really lucky in that my chap is even more frugal than I (except when it comes to sweet stuff perhaps) so he really championed budgeting long before I did. The only problem I have with him is getting him to rethink his shopping list on the hoof when he gets there and something is sold out (two ingredients for a dish, one out of stock - don't buy the other one!) but that's really a small complaint.

I myself am by nature an end-of-the-world shopper - I would happily buy and cook for the 5000 despite there being two of us if I didn't think about it - so i can sympathise that what he thinks of as full cupboards would be overstocked to anyone else. But perhaps the idea about setting a budget or plan and he buys the extras is the way to go. Then when he sees how much he's spending compared to how much you have available it might hit him.

Good luck

Newgirl