Heartbroken - just need to talk

duchy

Tay you obviously know his address although I think you said you've never gone inside. It might be useful to check 192 .com to see if the occupants listed match what he told you before sending any mail or copies of hotel invoices there.

tayforth

purpleshoes wrote: »

I wouldnt assume so. He owes her for his share and if she doesn't find anyone else to take his place she's going to be well out of pocket, it would have been the decent thing to do to offer to reimburse her but as he's clearly not going to, I'd politely ask him for the money he owes.

Primrose wrote: »

Yes I do think his conscience needs to be pricked and a request for the money might help to bring home to him the ungallant way he has behaved. It may also give him some uncomfortable moments fearing he may be pursued for it. Why should Tayforth be the only person who has suffered?

Judi wrote: »

How about a quick text something along the lines of 'how about refunding me £000 towards the holiday that I booked and paid for for the two of us?


If he responds then so be it.

Thanks. Yes, it would have been decent of him to reimburse me. I shouldn't even have to ask. Gosh, I'm getting quite cross thinking about it.

tayforth

tea_lover wrote: »

Unless he owed me thousands there's no way I'd be contacting him. He's shown how little he thinks of you, do you really think he's suddenly going to get a conscience about owing money?

Contacting him about this (or anything else) plays right into his hands and just prolongs things.

You're probably right, it is likely that he wouldn't pay up even if I did contact him. I'm not sure how that would make me feel.

Judi wrote: »

Yeah I tend to agree but it all depends on whether you can afford to take the loss.

I can 'afford' it, but it's money that I could have spent on other things.

Primrose wrote: »

He probably thought his last text got him off the hook. I would fire this shot over his bows and see what happens, giving a suggested deadline for the payment into to your bank account . Don't suggest a cheque as it may bounce. If nothing else it may give him some uneasy moments. I would be brief, polite but assertive . You have nothing to lose as you,ve paid anyway so it is worth a try.

Thanks, Primrose. I definitely wouldn't suggest a cheque.

Do you think he would feel uneasy about receiving it? Even if he doesn't pay?

tayforth

aileth wrote: »

I'd probably send a quick text mentioning it, don't push it too hard though and be as non-emotive as possible, but I 99.9% wouldn't expect a response back given how 'good' he's been at contacting you. I also 99.9% wouldn't expect him to pay anything back, and if he responds asking to meet up to discuss it, danger danger danger!

Although, as FBaby said, there is a risk of him viewing this as a bit of a vendetta against him for his breaking things off, and I know I wouldn't like an ex viewing me like that.

Are you able to pay an amendment fee and take one of your girlfriends?

Yes, I know there's a risk that he may not reply at all.

Do you think he would view it as a vendetta?

purpleshoes wrote: »

Doing something awful in revenge is a vendetta. Asking politely for money you are owed isn't.

CH27 wrote: »

I wouldn't contact him at all.
I know losing money isn't ideal but reopening contact will be against your best interests Tay.

Thanks, CH27. I wouldn't want to be drawn back in - if I did make contact, it would be via text only. But maybe you're right about contact xx

purpleshoes_2

tayforth wrote: »

You're probably right, it is likely that he wouldn't pay up even if I did contact him. I'm not sure how that would make me feel.




I can 'afford' it, but it's money that I could have spent on other things.




Thanks, Primrose. I definitely wouldn't suggest a cheque.

Do you think he would feel uneasy about receiving it? Even if he doesn't pay?

Its one text, asking him for the balance of the holiday he owes you. It doesnt need to mean you want to continue contacting him. A simple could you please settle the outstanding balance of the holiday.

If he ignores you he ignores you. But at least you'll have tried. Id actually be gutted if I had spent even £300-400 on a holiday and something happened so that I couldnt go, but Id be twice as gutted if I paid for someone elses share and they then !!!!!!ed off with some !!!! and bull story about a bash on the head and then resurfaced a few weeks later sending a text full of blah and no suggestion about repayment.

Youve been extremely considerate of his feelings to date so far, receiving one text asking for the money back wont be the end of the world for you or for him.

purpleshoes_2

tayforth wrote: »

Yes, I know there's a risk that he may not reply at all.

Do you think he would view it as a vendetta?








Thanks, CH27. I wouldn't want to be drawn back in - if I did make contact, it would be via text only. But maybe you're right about contact xx

One text isnt a vendetta, nothing like it.

tayforth

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Actually I would ask him what he wanted to do along the following lines (obviously worded a bit more carefully).

1. You asked me to book it. I assume you still want it. Do you want to pay me for the whole holiday so you can take a friend?

2. I don't want to go, and expect you to pay me back for your half if you don't want to go either.

3. (If you do want to go with a friend) If I find a friend to go with, I will ask you for the cost of changing the names in the booking, but otherwise I will be expecting you to pay half.

It's the first option no-one has considered yet. After all, the whole thing was his idea!

jackieblack wrote: »

But as Tayforth is the lead passenger the first option may not even be possible.

I don't know whether the first option is an idea either. I suppose I could find out.

If I did find a friend to go with, I would just pay the change fee myself tbh. The only person I can think of who would be able to go lives quite far away and would be flying from a different airport, so I'd still be paying for his flight.

Person_one wrote: »

If you can afford to spend it on a holiday, then technically you can afford to lose it. Although it might suck to miss out on a holiday for this year the benefits of not getting drawn back in probably outweigh that.

Thanks, Person_one. I'd really rather not lose it, but I can see your point.

tayforth

FBaby wrote: »

I think the problem is that it's been so long now without contact, the guilt is likely to have gone and I can't imagine him doing anything decent suddenly and agree to pay anything. I expect a no response or something along the line that she should see about getting the deposit back, or that she can take someone else. Or worse, he will tell her to sell the things he left at hers and that will make up for it.

I don't think the very slim chance of Tay getting any money out of him is worth the hassle of getting in touch with him and ruining the message she has been giving him which is that considering the a** he has been, she doesn't have time or energy to give him.

:eek:

purpleshoes wrote: »

I cant imagine him doing the decent thing either, but if she gets any of the responses above, it would just reinforce the fact that he is a ratbag.

If someone sent that pile of cheese and failed to mention that they owed me a 3 figure sum, Id sent them a gentle reminder.

For some people, they do earn enough to write off a holiday and if the OP really doesnt want to go then she can make the decision to write off her share, but as it stands right now shes also having to write off his share, like it or lump it. That may be the same depending on his response, but at least he'll know how she feels about the matter.

That's true. It's bad enough to be out of pocket, but to be paying for his share too is worse.

duchy wrote: »

I'd go take a friend and treat it as an exorcism

Thanks, duchy.

Primrose

Tay. Stop worrying about how he would feel and whether he would be uneasy or not receiving it. You're being too nice again. He didn't care a damn about how you felt being dumped. Just make a decision one way or the other by the end of this week and get the business over and done with. The longer you dither about it, the more you will be picking your emotional scab.

tayforth

tesuhoha wrote: »

Its over a month since you first posted this and so I hope you are over him now. After all he was not worth more than a month of your tears.

I'm getting there, tesuhoha. I'm doing better than I was, just keeping busy and trying to distract myself. Thank you xxx

duchy wrote: »

Tay you obviously know his address although I think you said you've never gone inside. It might be useful to check 192 .com to see if the occupants listed match what he told you before sending any mail or copies of hotel invoices there.

I'll do that, thanks duchy. Anyway, I would probably send something like that via email.

purpleshoes wrote: »

Its one text, asking him for the balance of the holiday he owes you. It doesnt need to mean you want to continue contacting him. A simple could you please settle the outstanding balance of the holiday.

If he ignores you he ignores you. But at least you'll have tried. Id actually be gutted if I had spent even £300-400 on a holiday and something happened so that I couldnt go, but Id be twice as gutted if I paid for someone elses share and they then !!!!!!ed off with some !!!! and bull story about a bash on the head and then resurfaced a few weeks later sending a text full of blah and no suggestion about repayment.

Youve been extremely considerate of his feelings to date so far, receiving one text asking for the money back wont be the end of the world for you or for him.

Thanks, purpleshoes. Yes, I have been considerate (or a mug), but I'm also trying to do the right thing for me. Not sure what the right thing is, mind you.