Heartbroken - just need to talk

tayforth

I was going to post this in my own thread, but I'm feeling so low that I don't want it to be part of my mostly-positive 'journey', which I still read. I'm hoping to feel better and pick myself up again.

I met someone about two and a half months ago, and really thought that things were very special between us, and now it seems to be over, and my heart is broken. I'm actually taken aback by how sad I feel about it after such a short time.

He was so nice, and seemed very genuine. He asked me out, and told me that he really liked me. We had a lovely first date. He said that he couldn't wait to see me again, and we continued seeing each other. A few weeks in, he told me that he loved me. And I felt the same, and said the same to him shortly after. We felt so right together. He treated me really well.

He said that he wanted a future with me, and that I was the one for him. I was a bit more held back, but so happy that he felt that way. I couldn't see myself with anyone else.

But in the last couple of weeks, things have changed. He hasn't officially broken up with me, but I haven't seen him, and he's being evasive. I'm wise enough to know that this probably means that he's gone off me. But he hasn't said as much. It's so confusing, and so hurtful. He still says that he loves me, but he's not acting that way.

He was supposed to come and see me the other day, and didn't turn up, and had an excuse that would have been plausible under normal circumstances, but the way things are, I'm not sure whether to believe it.

I can barely concentrate at work, and I've cried a lot in the last few days. I don't want to be without him.

Please tell me that it'll get better. How do I get through the next few days and weeks?

This is different to my marriage breakup. I was relieved about that and wanted to get out. This is devastating.

Sorry for moaning, I just need to get this off my chest and I'm almost in tears (writing this at work).

Tayforth xx

tayforth

Link to my original thread for anyone who hasn't seen it:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4538789

whitewing

It will get better, whatever happens.

double_mummy

tay

think about how far you have come you opened yourself up to someone again and i know it must feel terrible for that to have not worked out but this is a good thing - you went for it you put everything else behind you and took a risk on someone new - the fact that you are able to do this means that it will get better

dont let a man be your validation you are a strong amazing inspirational woman who has helped so many others including ones that you dont even know about

cry because it didnt work out then smile because you took a chance and put yourself out there then get that head back up and you will find someone who is just as amazing as yourself

you gotta kiss a whole lot of frogs before you find a prince

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LutonGirl

Tayforth, I could have written that post a few years back. I feel your pain, I really do. The length of the relationship has no bearing on the huge amount of upset you feel - you're already grieving for what you might have had with this person. Like you my marriage had run its course and I was glad to get shot of him, but this new relationship (quite a long time after my husband) was so full of promise and seemed perfect. Too perfect I now know.

In my case, he quickly became cold and hard work to deal with so after yet another lonely weekend waiting on a call or a text, anything, I called his bluff and walked away, head held high despite all my instincts telling me to hang on. Not long after I met someone else and we're still together enjoying every single day.

Chalked it up to being a "summer fling" and have good memories, but like a holiday romance, they don't always last. Hindsight showed me that my perfect guy actually bore all the hallmarks of a sociopath. I think I had a lucky escape, but at the time it hurt like hell.

Enjoy what you've had and stay strong. Your Mr Right may be just around the corner. x

candlelight_2013

Oh Tay, I am so sorry. I followed your other thread, but I don't think I commented. I was amazed at how strong you were and how you had blossomed.

You were very brave to enter into another relationship, and you were happy, we could tell from your posts.

This might or might not be the end of this particularly relationship, but you entered it with joy in your heart and you have known happiness. You can cope with this, you know you can, but I know you must be hurting. I think you need to know for sure, and if it is over have a good cry and move on. You are your own person now, you don't have to do anything you don't want to and if it is over then it wasn't meant to be.

Hold you head up and as doublemummy says, "kiss a few more frogs" and your prince will be waiting for you.

Lots of hugs
Candlelightx

susieq87

i have also been following your thread and your bravery and strength inspired me. it might not seem like it now but i believe that some people are put into our lives for a certain period just to show us that we can be happy, trust or that we can love again. that fire or spirit that we feel had died will still be there and thats what they are there for to show us that.

i know it sucks but know that everything will turn out for the best whether its with this guy or someone else.

trix-a-belle

Sweetie dry your eyes, you deserve better.
I could have written almost a carbon copy of that 2 years ago.
Less than 2 years later the guy I was seeing is married to someone else so I'm glad I avoided that head case (he had come out of a long term relationship including house ourchase a few months before dating me).

Concentrate on you & when you are ready you will come out the other side, you have such a strong foundation after everything you have been through this is just a little blip in the road
((*hugs*))

fivetide

Good Scots saying here "Whits fer ye will no go by ye" basically things will be right one way or the other.

Hope you get a definate answer one way or another though. It sounds like the limbo situation is the worst of it.

Izadora

Everything double mummy said.

There's no magic answer for how you'll get through the next few days/weeks but just remember that you will and it will get better. You've made it through a lot worse and come out the other side so much stronger.

It may be that he's got stuff going on and doesn't realise how much he's pulling away from you or it may be that he wants to end it. If it is the case that it's over then cry/scream/rant do whatever you need to and try not to dwell on why?/could I have done something different? - if he can't see how great you are then that's his problem.

DigForVictory

Tay!
Oh drattit to heck & gone. If I could ply you with icecream til you had a migraine, I would. Alas, the blighter appears to have been a sometime thing rather than a more durable one - his loss unless he can recover in your good graces.

Of course it hurts right now. Lots. Can I reassure you that next week it probably won't hurt quite so much? And warn you of rebounds, alcohol & thoughtless "you'll get over it" comments. You are allowed to hurt, so stick with friends who you trust for a bit.

But then be ready to try again. There are frogs, and there are a lot of possible friends who turn out to be exactly that & some who are even more.

But for today, yes, it hurts. You get through it on stubborness, regular meals, exercise, sticking at the job & the mundane stuff like scrubbing the bathroom & putting away laundry.

Big hugs & virtual icecream!