Heartbroken - just need to talk

System

After more than a week, I wrote him a quick deep email, but still head nothing. It's not until 2 weeks later (by which time I was only starting to feel a bit better after shedding all my tears) that he wrote back, apologised, but confessed that his ex had emailed him whilst on holiday to say that she had met someone and didn't want him to be in touch with her ever again. It supposedly made him realised how much he cared and loved her and couldn't consider a relationship with someone else, even though he recognised that things were going well between us. He said that he wouldn't be able to give the attention I deserved and that was it. His message was very cold and that made it very painful to read.

At least he got back to you but I wouldn't have messaged him at all as I would have been too afraid of his response. I'm a coward I know.

FBaby

Judi wrote: »

At least he got back to you but I wouldn't have messaged him at all as I would have been too afraid of his response. I'm a coward I know.

and I'm too curious I had to find out. Yes, it hurt, but looking back, I'm glad I did because even though it wasn't what I wanted to read, it helped that it wasn't personal (even if he should have though good riddance now I can concentrate on my new relationship!!).

A few years ago, I looked him up on facebook and his profile picture was of him and a baby boy who looked just like him. My gut feeling is that he got back with her. I hope he did. It's odd to look back and think that although I still believe he was a good catch, he wasn't half as much so as my now husband is, so am so grateful for destiny. But of course, I couldn't know then that I would meet someone that was much more special a couple of years later.

tayforth

FBaby wrote: »

This is a very uncomfortable situation. It happened to me some years back, met this guy on the internet and the sparkle was there right away. We went on a few dates (was limited in my availability due to the children and few people to help with babysitting), but talked a lot on the phone. We were very open about each other and I felt we were starting something special. As my feelings grew for him, I started to feel a bit anxious that something wrong was bound to happen, but force myself to quick the bad thoughts away.

Then after about 3 months, we had one date, but things were not right, although nothing obvious I could point out. He just didn't seem as excited about meeting up and seemed a bit distracted although he was still very affectionate and the electricity was still in the air. He told me that he was away camping with his kids for a week but when he was back, he would love for us to go away for a couple of days. I left thinking my vibes were out of tune and felt very excited at the prospect, counted the days etc... I was a bit disappointed that I got no texts whilst he was away, but respected all his attention was with his kids. Except that I didn't hear anything when he came back, or the day after or after and I started to wonder what was going on. After more than a week, I wrote him a quick deep email, but still head nothing. It's not until 2 weeks later (by which time I was only starting to feel a bit better after shedding all my tears) that he wrote back, apologised, but confessed that his ex had emailed him whilst on holiday to say that she had met someone and didn't want him to be in touch with her ever again. It supposedly made him realised how much he cared and loved her and couldn't consider a relationship with someone else, even though he recognised that things were going well between us. He said that he wouldn't be able to give the attention I deserved and that was it. His message was very cold and that made it very painful to read.

The most frustrating part was that I had almost not gone to our first meeting as I had found him a bit too much before we met, calling me every day and I wasn't sure I would like him. I went because I didn't want to be rude

It hurt a lot and felt anxious meeting more people on line, until I got a message from the man who was to become my husband. Like the last time, we got along great on the phone, but I again almost didn't go to the meeting because I didn't like his picture and was worried I would be disappointed. As it was, I found him very attractive and immediately felt I wanted to take things foward. Thankfully so did he and things happened extremely quickly. 2 weeks later we were intimate (but somehow it felt totally right), 4 weeks later we exchanged the 'I love you' and 6 weeks later, we were away on a 4 days holiday. Agreed to move in together another 2 months later, and 4 1/2 years later, we happily wedded.

Keep strong and don't lose heart yet. It is not yet over, there could be very good explanations for his behaviour but if not, then don't give up on finding love again, he wasn't you one and only chance.

Thanks, FBaby.

Similar to your story, this guy was so keen at the start, always wanting to call me, text me and see me. I was the one who was holding back just a little bit, and trying not to jump in with both feet. But eventually, I did. I trusted him, and opened up, and fell for him. And now I feel so so sad, and foolish.

I'm crying in the office again.

tayforth

FBaby wrote: »

and I'm too curious I had to find out. Yes, it hurt, but looking back, I'm glad I did because even though it wasn't what I wanted to read, it helped that it wasn't personal (even if he should have though good riddance now I can concentrate on my new relationship!!).

A few years ago, I looked him up on facebook and his profile picture was of him and a baby boy who looked just like him. My gut feeling is that he got back with her. I hope he did. It's odd to look back and think that although I still believe he was a good catch, he wasn't half as much so as my now husband is, so am so grateful for destiny. But of course, I couldn't know then that I would meet someone that was much more special a couple of years later.

I'm glad that things have worked out so well for you xx

FBaby

I trusted him, and opened up, and fell for him. And now I feel so so sad, and foolish.

I felt very foolish too, but ultimately, being honest with my feelings is the essence of who I am, so didn't feel guilty that I let myself believe in it. It worked with my husband. It started just the same way, but in his case, he had no baggage and although he also wasn't afraid to express his feelings he meant it long term.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we don't, but you shouldn't feel ashamed for letting yourself believe in it. In any case, until he tells you one way or the other that it is over (verbally or by going totally quiet), there might still be a good explanation for his behaviour.

Money_maker

tayforth wrote: »

My instinct is to leave it, and not make a fool of myself (or be seen as pushy) by texting again. Maybe I need to accept that I'm not going to get an answer, and graciously let go.

Why is everyone talking about texting or emailing? Ring him up, tayforth and talk directly to him. No mixed messages, no misunderstandings. I know you've been through a lot but you really have nothing to lose and at least you know where its heading.

FWIW, I reckon its just a mix up.

tayforth

FBaby wrote: »

I felt very foolish too, but ultimately, being honest with my feelings is the essence of who I am, so didn't feel guilty that I let myself believe in it. It worked with my husband. It started just the same way, but in his case, he had no baggage and although he also wasn't afraid to express his feelings he meant it long term.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we don't, but you shouldn't feel ashamed for letting yourself believe in it. In any case, until he tells you one way or the other that it is over (verbally or by going totally quiet), there might still be a good explanation for his behaviour.

Thank you. That is a very sweet and honest comment, and I will bear it in mind in case I feel scared to trust again.

Still trying to work out which is worse - hearing that he definitely doesn't want to be with me any more (extinguishing all hope in an instant), or the slow drip-drip of hearing nothing at all for days.

Money_maker wrote: »

Why is everyone talking about texting or emailing? Ring him up, tayforth and talk directly to him. No mixed messages, no misunderstandings. I know you've been through a lot but you really have nothing to lose and at least you know where its heading.

FWIW, I reckon its just a mix up.

I would much rather talk to him, believe me. But I've called a few times in the last two days and he hasn't answered, or else he's answered with a text.

Before, if he missed a call from me, he'd call back or text and say sorry for missing my call and could I call him back.

Buzzybee90

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you. That is a very sweet and honest comment, and I will bear it in mind in case I feel scared to trust again.

Still trying to work out which is worse - hearing that he definitely doesn't want to be with me any more (extinguishing all hope in an instant), or the slow drip-drip of hearing nothing at all for days.




I would much rather talk to him, believe me. But I've called a few times in the last two days and he hasn't answered, or else he's answered with a text.

Before, if he missed a call from me, he'd call back or text and say sorry for missing my call and could I call him back.

This shouldn't be happening after 2 1/2 months, that's a blink, I'd just give him so time but really you should still be in the honeymoon, giddy phase for some good time yet.

I hope it's resolved for you both.

Primrose

Tayforth , presumably you know where he lives. Is there a very remote possibility that he is still unwell as a result of his accident? Could you have the courage to visit him to tell him that you were concerned about his well being in view of his accident and wanted to satisfy yourself that nothing terrible had happened to him. You could then tell him that if he's having second thoughts you would at least like to end things in an amicable face to face fashion so that if you ever accidentally encounter one another on a future occasion you can both do so without embarrassment or ill feeling

Some may advise not doing this but the uncertainty is obviously making you feel wretched. At least this way you will get to know definitely how the land lies. . And if there's still a chance of retrieving the situation, doing it face to face is probably the only way of picking up the body language and seeing how he reacts.

tea_lover

Personally I would say that turning up at his house when he's not returning texts or calks looks a bit stalker-ish.