Heartbroken - just need to talk

FBaby

I think the problem is that it's been so long now without contact, the guilt is likely to have gone and I can't imagine him doing anything decent suddenly and agree to pay anything. I expect a no response or something along the line that she should see about getting the deposit back, or that she can take someone else. Or worse, he will tell her to sell the things he left at hers and that will make up for it.

I don't think the very slim chance of Tay getting any money out of him is worth the hassle of getting in touch with him and ruining the message she has been giving him which is that considering the a** he has been, she doesn't have time or energy to give him.

CH27

I wouldn't contact him at all.
I know losing money isn't ideal but reopening contact will be against your best interests Tay.

purpleshoes_2

FBaby wrote: »

I think the problem is that it's been so long now without contact, the guilt is likely to have gone and I can't imagine him doing anything decent suddenly and agree to pay anything. I expect a no response or something along the line that she should see about getting the deposit back, or that she can take someone else. Or worse, he will tell her to sell the things he left at hers and that will make up for it.

I don't think the very slim chance of Tay getting any money out of him is worth the hassle of getting in touch with him and ruining the message she has been giving him which is that considering the a** he has been, she doesn't have time or energy to give him.

I cant imagine him doing the decent thing either, but if she gets any of the responses above, it would just reinforce the fact that he is a ratbag.

If someone sent that pile of cheese and failed to mention that they owed me a 3 figure sum, Id sent them a gentle reminder.

For some people, they do earn enough to write off a holiday and if the OP really doesnt want to go then she can make the decision to write off her share, but as it stands right now shes also having to write off his share, like it or lump it. That may be the same depending on his response, but at least he'll know how she feels about the matter.

tayforth

Thanks all. I'm still undecided, but your responses are helping me to think about it from different angles.

Morglin wrote: »

Leave it, chalk it up to experience, move on.

Lin

Thanks Lin.

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

omg the more I read about your experience the more it sounds like a similar one i had a few years ago with a guy.. I would move the booking to somewhere else and take a friend/sister/mum

What happened in your case, pinkladyof66?

Judi wrote: »

I'd leave it. Go with someone else if you cant cancel it. What a rotten thing for him to do.

Thanks Judi. Yes, rotten is the right word. I'm not sure if anyone else will be able to go, tbh.

tayforth

jackieblack wrote: »

If the booking is in your name could you do a name change and go with a friend/ your Mum?
Why should you miss out on the trip?

justme111 wrote: »

Sometimes what is booked for a couple is not ideal to be used with a friend /mum . I would try and change the booking for another day a few months later so that you don't see this trip as something that should been with him and have time to prepare for it and look forward to it. Anyway see how you feel , anything goes but getting in touch with that man

Primrose wrote: »

Can you transfer the booking to somewhere else so that the venue won,t have any unfortunate reminders that you were originally booked to go with him? That's assuming you are unable to get your money back. It's worth checking.

I can't have a refund, and I definitely can't change hotel. So a date change is out.

tayforth

FBaby wrote: »

You have taken the stand of having no contact with him, and that has worked out to be the best way to deal with the situation. You need to stick to it now. Asking him to pay for his half will only show the resentment you've done so well to keep away as doing so will not bring you any satisfying outcome.

You had not mentioned that you had planned a trip together, that's a significant event which puts more weight as to why you considered this relationship to be a serious one that was blooming hence allowing you to believe that it could lead to more.

I hope whatever information you've received will only be another piece of the puzzle that will help you turn one more page towards coming out of the other side where the pain is finally gone.

Sorry for not mentioning it before. Yes, he was very keen to go, and he'd already started talking about another trip together next year. Unfortunately, I did take him at face value, and thought that things were serious between us.

Caroline_a wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't ask for the money. It almost gives him a carte blanche to assume he's back in favour and off on holiday with Tay...

BrassicWoman wrote: »

contacting him means he wins the game (which you are not playing)

no contact = faster healing.

money is worth so much less than self respect!

These are good points, thank you xxx

duchy

I'd go take a friend and treat it as an exorcism

tayforth

purpleshoes wrote: »

Tbh I would ask for the money and doing so with someone wouldnt be resentment on my part, just a question, could you give me the money you owe me. If the OP finds someone to go on the holiday, fine, but even if she does, shes looking at paying money to get a flight change or being out of pocket if a friend cant fly from the same airport.

I would also think that whatever response she might get to a text or email asking for said cash might be more validation that the guy is indeed a complete !!!!, although I think thats fairly obvious.

If someone waltzed out of a relationship the way he has, owing me a couple of hundred quid plus and had texted me, Id have responded saying that they forgot to mention the money owed and would it be possible to be reimbursed.

Even if the answer is a no, you're making your point. I appreciate that not everyone will feel the same, something like ten quid is easily written off, 3 figures is a bit harder to deal with.

It is rotten and hes rotten for not even mentioning it.

Yes, it is galling to be out of pocket by so much. It doesn't seem fair at all.

Primrose wrote: »

Well you could send him a copy of the invoice, ask him to reimburse you and wait and see what happens. It should take the smile off his face for the smug text he sent you and have him worrying that you might be suing him for it in a civil court. His response will at least show you the sort of person he really is and that may well help to change your perception of him. I'm not suggesting that you would sue him in the small claims court for the money but just as a matter of interest, do you have any texting evidence that he agreed to pay his share?

Yes, plenty of evidence by text and email.

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

yes i think text saying when can i expect my money ! just keep it blunt and sharp

Thanks, pinkladyof66.

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

Being blunt again (sorry!) whatever you decide do it soon, do it decisively and don't turn this into another issue to spend weeks agonising about and dragging the situation on.

I promise I won't. Thank you, Person_one.

Melonade wrote: »

I agree, but if you do text him don't be drawn into a conversation with him. For one reason he might try and use it to get off the topic of the holiday money he owes. For another reason, he isn't worth it.

I havent really replied on here but I hope your doing ok. You've had some great advice from everyone and I hope it's helping you.

I won't get drawn into a conversation. If I do contact him, it will be about the money and nothing else.

Thanks for the kind words xxx

paigesaunt wrote: »

I have been following Tay's story but until now not felt the need to comment, everyone is doing fantastically well of keeping her going. I do however agree that she should ask him for the money, a short and polite text with her bank details (nothing else, maybe thanks for your text, but that's all) for him to pay in the money, make it by a certain date, so you know one way or the other, rather than be waiting and wondering.

Should he have a conscience he'll pay it, bonus! if he doesn't, then in my opinion Tay will have a little less feeling for this bloke, even if she doesn't think she will at this time.
I think this will tell him, she's not prepared to be anyone's doormat, and that she's not interested in his sniffling excuses.

Sorry Tay, sounds like I'm directing it at the reader, not you
X

Thanks, paigesaunt. Perhaps it would send out the message that I'm not prepared to be a doormat.

You're right, everyone has been absolutely lovely xxx

tesuhoha

Its over a month since you first posted this and so I hope you are over him now. After all he was not worth more than a month of your tears.