Heartbroken - just need to talk

tayforth

lostinrates wrote: »

Last night was bad! But I don't feel that was me.

I'm getting off ok using guided meditations and being quite strict. I am quite good at being disciplined. Last night when I realised that wasn't going to work I resorted to my last resort tactic which is ' well, lir, it doesn't really matter if you sleep or not, so long as you REST, so just enjoy laying here with the quiet and the purry cat and when your thoughts go where you don't want them to then take them back somewhere you want them. ' better than getting stressed about it.

That's a sensible way to deal with it, LIR. I try to do the same, I just lie with my eyes closed, and try to clear my mind. If I can't do that, I try to think happy thoughts. It doesn't always work. Sometimes I switch on the light and read for a while, like Judi.

Judi wrote: »

Tay my mind sometimes wanders to what could be if things had worked out differently. I find the key is to put some music on. If the house is empty i'll sing too. Read a book. Anything to chase away the thoughts that are overwhelming me.

I very often wake up in the middle of the night with overwhelming thoughts too. If I cant get back to sleep because of them I just pick up my phone that is next to my bed and put my reading glasses on and start reading Facebook/The Mail Online. Within minutes I start to drift off back to sleep.

Once your in that pit of despair as you probably have realized, its hard to drag yourself out again.

You will get there, chin up.

Thanks, Judi. I'll try the noise thing. As it's summer, it helps me to get out of the house and be around people in the park or wherever. Better than sitting in the house on my own.

I know what you mean about despair. I was doing a bit better until yesterday, now I feel a bit more fragile again. It seems to be one step forward and two steps back at the moment.

I'm really hoping that it'll pass, but I realise that it probably won't pass on its own. What can I do to help myself move forward? Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom?

purpleshoes_2

Go out, see people, be around people if you can. Look after yourself, take up exercise if you havent already and keep building your social life.

Your entire happiness is not centered on this one human being.

lostinrates

What about starting something new? Something to take up new thoughts and mind space? A class, an activity, something for fun.

cinderfella

This might sound odd but it's worth considering at a future date.
Get a dog, they never go off people.
They might cost a bit to keep, but that's not a lot for what you get in return.:)

duchy

You need a project Tay- He was a project in the sense he took up time and thought- Now you need something so that "gap" isn't there and so your subconcious can get on with processing what happened in the background rather than im staying in the foreground.

So...what's it going to be ? Learn a new skill ? Volunteer at an animal sanctury? Get a dog ? Redecorate ? Train for a marathon ? Plan an amazing holiday?

What do you fancy ?

Most areas have a volunteer bureau (often council funded so they have the details on their website) with lots of ideas on the website. I really wanted to find the time to volunteer at our local cathedral as they were looking for people to help collate old WW2 diaries just found in their archieves as well as the usual "greeters" and such like. Even googling "volunteer" and your home town may come up with some interesting ideas.

tea_lover

duchy wrote: »

You need a project Tay- He was a project in the sense he took up time and thought- Now you need something so that "gap" isn't there and so your subconcious can get on with processing what happened in the background rather than im staying in the foreground.

So...what's it going to be ? Learn a new skill ? Volunteer at an animal sanctury? Get a dog ? Redecorate ? Train for a marathon ?

What do you fancy ?

Totally agree. The world's your oyster you only have yourself to please, that's a fantastic opportunity.

He's shown his true colours, don't want anymore time wishing for something that never really was.

How about starting a new, positive thread and letting this one die away? We could post brilliant ideas for what you could do next... take up skydiving, learn Italian, train guide dogs..... so many options

duchy

Hey !!


You sayin' my ideas weren't brilliant?:eek:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

Hello

Sorry I wasn't up to posting yesterday.

Something happened which reminded me of a very happy time with him, and I spent the rest of the day thinking about it. Which made me upset again.

I slept badly too. I tried to turn my thinking around and told myself I should be grateful that he showed his true colours so early on, and not wasted a year or more of my life.

And that led me to think about my ex-H, and how much of my life he took up.

But that kind of thinking is pointless, isn't it?

No, not really. You are just reviewing the similarities of the 2 *men*. If it means that because of this, you are more cautious in the future, then no, it's not pointless at all.

System

duchy wrote: »

Hey !!


You sayin' my ideas weren't brilliant?:eek:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Your ideas were brilliant!:D:D:D

tayforth

Thank you all. You're very kind.

I'm going to go back to my original thread after this weekend, and make a fresh start on Monday morning.

Today I'm having a very low day. For reasons I can't go into (but connected with you know who). I just need to tell someone how I'm feeling. And I have nobody around at the moment at work. I really need a hug.

Please be gentle xx