Heartbroken - just need to talk

BrassicWoman

tayforth wrote: »

Bl00dy hell.

So by not contacting him, what am I doing? Not letting him win?

Thanks for the kind words xx





Thanks Judi, and you're right x

By not contacting him, you remove yourself from the game. He'll go find a new ball to play with in time. You, in the meantime, get the dignity of avoiding game playing and being an adult, not a kid.

Glad your head is shifting a bit. Xx

FBaby

I'm glad you are starting to feel better. It really comes down to the normality of your life starting to be without him part of it.

I'm with the ones who think the text was about easing his conscience rather than expecting anything in return. I don't think it was about his ego, I think it was an easy way for him to convince himself of what he wrote so that in the end, he almost did you a favour by ending it. I expect he has since convinced yourself that you not answering back meant that he probably didn't mean as much to you as he thought you did and therefore he is probably relieved.

Either way, I'm glad you can now start to see the other face of him, a man who is weak, deceitful and selfish. Doesn't take away the qualities that you got to see first, but ultimately, you deserve a man who can offer the qualities he showed, but without the rest.

mavvymoo

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks for that, mavvymoo.

When you replied to his initial text, how did that go?

(not that I'm going to reply, don't worry!)
.

I am glad you are not going to reply I so wish I hadn't but it was a long time ago and I am older and wiser now



As expected excuses car broke down,problems at work blah blah blah.( reasons for the disappearing act) He wasn't worthy of me I was too good for him but if I thought I could give him one more chance maybe just maybe he could change :rotfl:And become the person I deserved.

All pretty cringeworthy really but by that time I had seen the light and guessed he was with someone.
When the wrong text was sent too me it was the best thing that happened as at least I knew and then it all starts to fall in to place.

I think its the not knowing that really gets to you so I understand how you feel.
Just hold your head up and keep on walking. there are men and women out there who do this and treat decent people disgracefully.

But on the plus side I have only ever met one like this so hopefully so have you

Let him live his sad little life and you lead your onwards and upwards one Good luck to you
Mav x

tayforth

Hello

Sorry I wasn't up to posting yesterday.

Something happened which reminded me of a very happy time with him, and I spent the rest of the day thinking about it. Which made me upset again.

I slept badly too. I tried to turn my thinking around and told myself I should be grateful that he showed his true colours so early on, and not wasted a year or more of my life.

And that led me to think about my ex-H, and how much of my life he took up.

But that kind of thinking is pointless, isn't it?

purpleshoes wrote: »

Its not about winning or losing, its simply about getting on with your life.

Hes still taking up far too much of your time and energy, hes not worth it.

Thanks purpleshoes xx

mavvymoo wrote: »

I am glad you are not going to reply I so wish I hadn't but it was a long time ago and I am older and wiser now



As expected excuses car broke down,problems at work blah blah blah.( reasons for the disappearing act) He wasn't worthy of me I was too good for him but if I thought I could give him one more chance maybe just maybe he could change :rotfl:And become the person I deserved.

All pretty cringeworthy really but by that time I had seen the light and guessed he was with someone.
When the wrong text was sent too me it was the best thing that happened as at least I knew and then it all starts to fall in to place.

I think its the not knowing that really gets to you so I understand how you feel.
Just hold your head up and keep on walking. there are men and women out there who do this and treat decent people disgracefully.

But on the plus side I have only ever met one like this so hopefully so have you

Let him live his sad little life and you lead your onwards and upwards one Good luck to you
Mav x

Thanks for sharing that, Mav. Yes, it's the not knowing that's the worst thing. But I suppose I should be proud that I acted with dignity throughout, and never once did or said anything that I'm ashamed of.

xxx

tayforth

LutonGirl wrote: »

You'be hit the nail on the head, Purpleshoes! The best way to get over a man is to get under another one...

Don't waste any more emotion or energy on this loser - get yourself out there and find one who's worthy of you and deserves your love. And have fun looking.

This time next year you'll wonder what you were so upset about. I speak from experience.

Thanks, LutonGirl. I sincerely hope that you're right, and I will look back and wonder what I was so upset about.

I'm not ready to meet anyone else yet, though.

BrassicWoman wrote: »

By not contacting him, you remove yourself from the game. He'll go find a new ball to play with in time. You, in the meantime, get the dignity of avoiding game playing and being an adult, not a kid.

Glad your head is shifting a bit. Xx

Thanks, BrassicWoman. That makes sense xx

FBaby wrote: »

I'm glad you are starting to feel better. It really comes down to the normality of your life starting to be without him part of it.

I'm with the ones who think the text was about easing his conscience rather than expecting anything in return. I don't think it was about his ego, I think it was an easy way for him to convince himself of what he wrote so that in the end, he almost did you a favour by ending it. I expect he has since convinced yourself that you not answering back meant that he probably didn't mean as much to you as he thought you did and therefore he is probably relieved.

Either way, I'm glad you can now start to see the other face of him, a man who is weak, deceitful and selfish. Doesn't take away the qualities that you got to see first, but ultimately, you deserve a man who can offer the qualities he showed, but without the rest.

Thanks, FBaby.

I won't torture myself trying to work out what his text was about. I'll just keep telling myself that I did the right thing in not replying.

lostinrates

tayforth wrote: »

I slept badly too.

I have spoken to both my parents, my husband, two clients and had emails from two friends this morning, we all slept poorly. Think it must be in the air, so ...not just you/ stress.

purpleshoes_2

I think the text was about trying to ease his conscience. By giving you some kind of explanation as to why he behaved as he did. Even if it was a big pile of cobblers. Im sure hes aware hes not behaved well.

tayforth

lostinrates wrote: »

I have spoken to both my parents, my husband, two clients and had emails from two friends this morning, we all slept poorly. Think it must be in the air, so ...not just you/ stress.

Thanks, LIR. I thought it might be the heat as well as my overactive mind.

How are you sleeping at the minute?

purpleshoes wrote: »

I think the text was about trying to ease his conscience. By giving you some kind of explanation as to why he behaved as he did. Even if it was a big pile of cobblers. Im sure hes aware hes not behaved well.

I hope so. Silly as it sounds, I hope that some small part of him feels bad.

He still hasn't asked for his stuff back, that probably tells a story.

lostinrates

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks, LIR. I thought it might be the heat as well as my overactive mind.

How are you sleeping at the minute?

.

Last night was bad! But I don't feel that was me.

I'm getting off ok using guided meditations and being quite strict. I am quite good at being disciplined. Last night when I realised that wasn't going to work I resorted to my last resort tactic which is ' well, lir, it doesn't really matter if you sleep or not, so long as you REST, so just enjoy laying here with the quiet and the purry cat and when your thoughts go where you don't want them to then take them back somewhere you want them. ' better than getting stressed about it.

System

Tay my mind sometimes wanders to what could be if things had worked out differently. I find the key is to put some music on. If the house is empty i'll sing too. Read a book. Anything to chase away the thoughts that are overwhelming me.

I very often wake up in the middle of the night with overwhelming thoughts too. If I cant get back to sleep because of them I just pick up my phone that is next to my bed and put my reading glasses on and start reading Facebook/The Mail Online. Within minutes I start to drift off back to sleep.

Once your in that pit of despair as you probably have realized, its hard to drag yourself out again.

You will get there, chin up.