Heartbroken - just need to talk

spirit

[QUOTE=tayforth;65799763


I just don't understand why he had to tell such elaborate stories, though. I'm a very calm person, I don't do drama or conflict. He could have just ended it at any time. I even asked him if he wanted to break up and he was having none of it, he went on and on about how much he loved me and how he never wanted to be without me.

Why do all that??[/QUOTE]

This reminds me of school children who invent stories.

Someone I used to work with very recently claimed she was married to a famous person. we all thought it odd and unlikely given what she would have been paid and the fact she claimed she lived in an area a good 2 hours drive from the office. If anyone challenged her she'd get very defensive (to put us off asking), but she'd spin ever *fantastic* stories about him and her and the wedding etc etc. We caught her out on it many times (by internal investigations mainly) but when asked for say pictures of the wedding or the fact that we'd seen a photo of him in a magazine with someone else, it was always, "oh, we are so angry as the photographer ruined our pics" or the magazine printed the wrong picture.

what I'm trying to say, is that once they start spinning stories, they have to keep going with it or risk looking extremely stupid when they get found out. They also have to have a really good memory - which this *lady* didn't as I remember at least 3 weddings she was supposed to have had (to the same person).

mavvymoo

I had to post here as I had a very similar experience few years ago now.
He disappeared off the face of the earth with no warning I was like you and so upset with the not knowing.After about 3 weeks out of the Blue I too got the same type of its not you its me and you are too good for me text:rotfl:

But did reply as I was young and stupid and texts went back and forwards for a while with him saying we can sort this out blah blah blah.
To cut a long story short after about a week of texting I got a text from him which said " Hi Princess what time will you be back as I am cooking you dinner" xxxxx:eek:
Yes you guessed it sent to me in error :rotfl::rotfl:

I just forwarded it to him and never contacted him again.He did text me with a long explanation the text should have been sent to his Mother

x

BrassicWoman

The game he is playing is called 'prove you love me'

When you contact him, it proves it and he wins. He gets his ego stroked. You get nothing.

He doesn't need to play again until his ego deflates.

Rinse, repeat.

There is a book called Games People Play which, when you are ready (it'll surface a lot of stuff about ex) you can pick up very cheap second hand.

Well done on breaking the cycle this time. You have come so far!

Xx

tesuhoha

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you, tesuhoha.

I feel that it's flattering on the surface, but actually very hurtful. I'm not so shallow as to judge anyone on the things he describes, and he knows that.

One of my friends said the same thing as you - that I should reply saying: "You're right, you're not good enough for me. I would never treat someone so carelessly as you've treated me." But for now I just want to leave it be and not reply. There are a million things I want to say to him, and at the same time I can't face saying anything.

Has your daughter made a decision yet about her BF? xx




Thanks, purpleshoes. Yes, I suppose this text has stirred up a lot of emotions.

You're right, I was happy and positive. And I need to try to get back to that. Which is why I'm glad I started this new thread - I didn't want this episode to be part of my original thread. I want to deal with it, move on and get back to the way I was xxx




Thank you, pinkladyof66. I suppose I do want to leave him wondering. I don't want him to know how much he's hurt me xxx

Thank you for asking about my daughter. at present she is not having a romantic relationship with him but he never seems to want to lose complete contact with her. He told her last week that he doesn't want to be anything other than friends and that a blonde girl has moved into the house where he is living (he house shares). He hopes that this girl will become his girlfriend. At the same time he is always chatting to my daughter although he only talks about himself and is not interested in anything she might be doing.

I think she is too close and cannot see the truth about him (the wood from the trees so to speak). She will not get angry at the way he treats her. In a way you remind me of her, rather too willing to believe in his good intentions. I am glad you are resisting him. We on the forum can all see it, how he is no good for you. I think that if someone else came along she would forget him very quickly and I think you would too. Equally if the man in question made a big effort to get her back I think she would succumb and maybe that is the case with you.

I hope you find someone nice soon and you won't want to think about him anymore.

System

BrassicWoman wrote: »

The game he is playing is called 'prove you love me'

When you contact him, it proves it and he wins. He gets his ego stroked. You get nothing.

He doesn't need to play again until his ego deflates.

Rinse, repeat.

How very profound! :eek: Theres a lesson to be learned there. Get as much out of a relationship as you put in.

tayforth

Hello

I'm feeling different today. I can't put my finger on it, but something has changed. Perhaps you're all finally getting through to me.

purpleshoes wrote: »

I think its far more likely that there was or is someone else on the scene. If someone wanted to end a relationship they dont need to invent car crashes and go awol.

I think you're probably right.

I also think that I deserve better than to be someone's second choice.

Slinky wrote: »

My Dad told me something he'd heard once which I thought was very true.

Do not allow this person to live rent-free in your mind for the rest of your life.

Would appear to apply in this situation. Hard though it is, when thoughts come, try and think of something, anything else. Delete his number. Delete that text. Throw away whatever it was he left at your house and try not to waste another thought on him.

Ask the moderators to close this thread and allow yourself to heal......

What a wise man your dad is, thank you for sharing that xx

spirit wrote: »

This reminds me of school children who invent stories.

Someone I used to work with very recently claimed she was married to a famous person. we all thought it odd and unlikely given what she would have been paid and the fact she claimed she lived in an area a good 2 hours drive from the office. If anyone challenged her she'd get very defensive (to put us off asking), but she'd spin ever *fantastic* stories about him and her and the wedding etc etc. We caught her out on it many times (by internal investigations mainly) but when asked for say pictures of the wedding or the fact that we'd seen a photo of him in a magazine with someone else, it was always, "oh, we are so angry as the photographer ruined our pics" or the magazine printed the wrong picture.

what I'm trying to say, is that once they start spinning stories, they have to keep going with it or risk looking extremely stupid when they get found out. They also have to have a really good memory - which this *lady* didn't as I remember at least 3 weddings she was supposed to have had (to the same person).

:eek:

Why on earth do people think that they will get away with such huge lies?? Isn't it exhausting?

tayforth

mavvymoo wrote: »

I had to post here as I had a very similar experience few years ago now.
He disappeared off the face of the earth with no warning I was like you and so upset with the not knowing.After about 3 weeks out of the Blue I too got the same type of its not you its me and you are too good for me text:rotfl:

But did reply as I was young and stupid and texts went back and forwards for a while with him saying we can sort this out blah blah blah.
To cut a long story short after about a week of texting I got a text from him which said " Hi Princess what time will you be back as I am cooking you dinner" xxxxx:eek:
Yes you guessed it sent to me in error :rotfl::rotfl:

I just forwarded it to him and never contacted him again.He did text me with a long explanation the text should have been sent to his Mother

x

Thanks for that, mavvymoo.

When you replied to his initial text, how did that go?

(not that I'm going to reply, don't worry!)

tesuhoha wrote: »

Thank you for asking about my daughter. at present she is not having a romantic relationship with him but he never seems to want to lose complete contact with her. He told her last week that he doesn't want to be anything other than friends and that a blonde girl has moved into the house where he is living (he house shares). He hopes that this girl will become his girlfriend. At the same time he is always chatting to my daughter although he only talks about himself and is not interested in anything she might be doing.

I think she is too close and cannot see the truth about him (the wood from the trees so to speak). She will not get angry at the way he treats her. In a way you remind me of her, rather too willing to believe in his good intentions. I am glad you are resisting him. We on the forum can all see it, how he is no good for you. I think that if someone else came along she would forget him very quickly and I think you would too. Equally if the man in question made a big effort to get her back I think she would succumb and maybe that is the case with you.

I hope you find someone nice soon and you won't want to think about him anymore.

I hope that your daughter manages to put some distance between herself and this guy, it sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it (pursue other girls but have your daughter in the background).

You're right, I do want to see the good in him and I haven't got angry. Perhaps getting angry would be healthy. But I'm not angry by nature.

I want to get over him without meeting someone else, as I realise there is a risk of me transferring my feelings for him onto the new person.

As for the question of him making a big effort to get me back, would I succumb? I honestly don't know. My head says no, I need to stay away and protect myself from further hurt in the future. My heart feels rather differently. I haven't managed to let go of my feelings for him completely, but at least I can see things a bit more clearly now. Maybe in another week or two, I could say no, I wouldn't go back.

tayforth

BrassicWoman wrote: »

The game he is playing is called 'prove you love me'

When you contact him, it proves it and he wins. He gets his ego stroked. You get nothing.

He doesn't need to play again until his ego deflates.

Rinse, repeat.

There is a book called Games People Play which, when you are ready (it'll surface a lot of stuff about ex) you can pick up very cheap second hand.

Well done on breaking the cycle this time. You have come so far!

Xx

Bl00dy hell.

So by not contacting him, what am I doing? Not letting him win?

Thanks for the kind words xx

Judi wrote: »

How very profound! :eek: Theres a lesson to be learned there. Get as much out of a relationship as you put in.

Thanks Judi, and you're right x

purpleshoes_2

tayforth wrote: »

Bl00dy hell.

So by not contacting him, what am I doing? Not letting him win?

Thanks for the kind words xx





Thanks Judi, and you're right x

Its not about winning or losing, its simply about getting on with your life.

Hes still taking up far too much of your time and energy, hes not worth it.

LutonGirl

You'be hit the nail on the head, Purpleshoes! The best way to get over a man is to get under another one...

Don't waste any more emotion or energy on this loser - get yourself out there and find one who's worthy of you and deserves your love. And have fun looking.

This time next year you'll wonder what you were so upset about. I speak from experience.