Heartbroken - just need to talk

tayforth

*max* wrote: »

Yes, it's true. You desperately want to be the exception, you want to come back in a while and tell us "well, to all the nay sayers, he was actually a great guy! Just like I thought!". But it's not going to happen. I know you want it to be true. But its not.

Facts are you knew him for a couple of months. This thread has been going for half that. Honestly. Even if you were gullible enough for him to worm himself into your life again (although you are allowing the idea of him to control your life right now), would you really want a guy you've known 2 months ( 2 MONTHS!!!) back into your life, even after he ignored you for half the "relationship" as if nothing happened? Come on woman!

Person_one wrote: »

I have to second that 'come on woman!'

A man acts like a **** and dumps his new girlfriend unceremoniously. A lot of women then spend weeks and weeks over-analysing every little thing about the situation. Do you think he's spent anything like this amount of time or energy thinking about you and dissecting your behaviour?

JoW123 wrote: »

I'm glad you haven't replied Tay, and Person_one is right. You need to draw a line under it now and start looking forwards otherwise you'll make yourself ill.

Thank you all for the kick up the bum xxx

*max*, yes, I do want to be proved wrong, of course I do. But I know that it's very, very unlikely.

tayforth

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

i am so pleased you have not replied i would seriously please think about ignoring him and moving on.. i can totally understand how you must feel I have been there far too many times to mention. but you will get over it albeit time... you are worth so much more than that... honestly keep busy, do nice things and hopefully in no time at all you will be back on the dating ladder again.. x

Thank you for the kind words, pinkladyof66 xxx

purpleshoes wrote: »

I sincerely hope you don't reach out. He's treated you terribly. I do agree, you need to take the rose tinted specs off and keep them off. Of course its awful not getting a proper explanation. But everything he's done suggests he doesnt care about you as much as he said he did and he certainly cares about himself more

That text was just a pile of nonsense, designed to try and pull the wool over your eyes. Its actually insulting that someone can't be honest enough to tell you what actually did go wrong, instead palming you off with that pile of cheesy guff.

Hes not worth it. This is what, week 5 or 6 of you being apart. Draw a line. Spend some time alone. I really would not be in a rush to get back into the dating scene. Youve been through a lot this last year, you need to get back on an even keel emotionally so that if anything like this happens again, it won't floor you quite so much.

You're right, purpleshoes. I'm not ready for dating at all.

spirit wrote: »

I guess he would have found it more difficult to ring you without his partner hearing, Texting he would have got away with.

tayforth

purpleshoes wrote: »

He could phone her anytime though and Im sure he did phone her when they were together.

He's clearly not got the balls to pick the phone up.

He phoned all the time when we were together, and always answered when I phoned him, no matter what time of day.

Toucan_Pecan wrote: »

Ick, so horrible! Imagine if you were together and you got ill or something, would he disappear and then reappear with a text? I don't know about you Tayforth, but I deffo need to feel secure and not have to teach a guy how to be respectful and caring... it should be a bloody natural impulse if he cares enough!

Thanks, Toucan_Pecan xx

purpleshoes_2

Do I really think he had to stop contact? Yes. The lies about the accident, bleeding from the ear, panic attack, the time with no contact and then that ridiculous text. Yes. I do think he had to stop contact.

Either hes been with someone else all along or hes been in a relationship that had unfinished business and hes gone back to them.

tayforth

Mojisola wrote: »

Power and control.

But why would he want to control me? Perhaps I'm naive, but after acting like he doesn't want me any more, why would he want anything more to do with me?

tea_lover wrote: »

Exactly. The grass looks (but rarely is) greener. Perhaps he got found out, or had a close call, and his current relationship suddenly looks rosy and perfect again. A few weeks of domestic bliss and he starts getting bored, puts the feelers out.

Do you think??

spirit wrote: »

..and you've had enough of that with your ex and don't need it with anyone else now or in the future.

Yes, I know. Thanks for the reminder, spirit xxx

purpleshoes_2

tayforth wrote: »

But why would he want to control me? Perhaps I'm naive, but after acting like he doesn't want me any more, why would he want anything more to do with me?




Do you think??




Yes, I know. Thanks for the reminder, spirit xxx

Some people arent happy unless they are on your mind and you are miserable.

lostinrates

purpleshoes wrote: »

Some people arent happy unless they are on your mind and you are miserable.

I think fewer people are consciously sadistic than like To hedge their bets, with the odds stacks as well in their favour as possible.

purpleshoes_2

Why does anyone get back in touch with someone after theyve ended a relationship? Could be any number of different reasons, but I bet its rarely for a positive one.

Hes selfish, hes been incredibly selfish. If you are still thinking about every little thing and the whys and what happened, he could have put you out of your misery and be done with it. But he hasnt.

You really don't have much option but to try and get him out of your system once and for all and look to the future.

tayforth

lostinrates wrote: »

Tay I haven't been around much and probably won't be hanging about much but I actually don't think its even that personally flattering.

I thought it read like something 'grooming' for sucking someone in, conciously or not.

Nasty, nasty.

More fool you should you fall for this in a second and subsequent relationships after your marriage IMO. In equitable relationships we love and are loved love including flaws, not because they/we are perfect or flawless. While its kinda cute to feel 'lucky' in having the heart of someone amazing, IMO its controlling to use it to browbeat them into guilt or submission.

Flattering? I suppose so, in the way magpies like shiny things, whether they are diamonds or just cheap bits of broken mirror. Learn to love diamonds. Or at least things prettier than broken glass!

That's sort of what I was trying to say. I don't know what he meant by it, maybe he has so little emotional awareness that he honestly thought I'd be flattered by what he said. But it doesn't make me feel better at all.

Again, why would he be trying to 'groom' me if he's disappeared?

p.s. how have you been? xx

purpleshoes wrote: »

You started this thread almost 4 weeks ago and you hadnt seen him for a couple of weeks before that, so that's already 6 full weeks of your life that hes affected.

How are you feeling now compared to when you started this thread?

I feel like I've regained a bit of control over myself by not answering that last text. So that's something.

Also, it's been a comfort to read your advice and stories, it has helped me a lot xxxx

purpleshoes wrote: »

Do I really think he had to stop contact? Yes. The lies about the accident, bleeding from the ear, panic attack, the time with no contact and then that ridiculous text. Yes. I do think he had to stop contact.

Either hes been with someone else all along or hes been in a relationship that had unfinished business and hes gone back to them.

I just don't understand why he had to tell such elaborate stories, though. I'm a very calm person, I don't do drama or conflict. He could have just ended it at any time. I even asked him if he wanted to break up and he was having none of it, he went on and on about how much he loved me and how he never wanted to be without me.

Why do all that??

purpleshoes_2

You cant work out whats going on inside someones head. Some people are emotionally immature, tell lies and don't behave well when they are ending relationships.

I would hazard a guess that he was so full on with you so early the only way he could end it was by saying Ive had a bash on the head and lost my mind as if he rocked up at your door one day saying I dont love you anymore, it would make him look ridiculous.

Looks ridiculous either way, but he must have thought you'd believe him about the accident.