Heartbroken - just need to talk

pinkladyof66

omg i have read every post this evening and this man is talking bullsh1t sorry.. he has either met someone else, marrried or doesnt give a damn i met many of these type of men before. DO NOT respond... leave it like that delete his number... do not give him the satisfaction of a reply... He will then forever wonder if you read the text or whatever...

Please do not contact him he is an @sshole... there are quite alot of men out there like him i met many when i was divorced.. however it took me 10 years to find my hubbie, it aint all perfect but life is far happier for me now and it will come to you too.

Tay

JoW123

I'm guessing by the silence you've replied to the text? I know most of us have said don't, but it is your life at the end of the day.

moneysaymoneydo

Tayforth I want to ask when you read the text what was your gut instinct? I mean did you read and think oh what a shame how sincere and thoughtful of him or did you think what a load of old codswallop? just curious as to how If you are beginning to see what the majority can or if you still have your slightly rose tinted glasses on!

purpleshoes_2

JoW123 wrote: »

I'm guessing by the silence you've replied to the text? I know most of us have said don't, but it is your life at the end of the day.

Or she could be trying to get over him. I sincerely hope so. When the Op first posted this thread, I thought its very possible he has someone else, then I thought maybe not, but as soon as I read the part of the text, I thought hes either married, lives with someone or has gone back to an ex.

The stopping contact suddenly, the big pile of waffle about the accident that never was and the panic attack that never was as well and that whole its not you its me text. If someone's love is genuine they dont just fall out of it in a week.

He's had to stop contact, pretty sure of that. A complete insincere cheeseball of a person.

tayforth

JoW123 wrote: »

I'm guessing by the silence you've replied to the text? I know most of us have said don't, but it is your life at the end of the day.

I haven't replied.

I've been here, reading all your kind comments, thank you so much for taking the time to write them xxx

tayforth

aileth wrote: »

In a nutshell, it's not you, it's me. What an absolutely lame, pathetic text message, Tay. You deserve so much better than that sort of absolute crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks fr the kind words, aileth xx

Melonade wrote: »

I haven't replied so far but have been reading everyday and seeing how you are. But his text is amazingly stupid!!

So it's your fault for being so awesome!! I don't mean that in a bad way but I think he is a rat!!

My reply would be...

"Thanks, yes is am all of those things and it took you too long to realise. I am better off without you but I realised it sooner"

Dust yourself off and go out with some friends. If he was all the things you thought he was he wouldn't of waited so long to get in touch, let alone try and turn it round onto you.

What an idiot he is!!!!!!!!!

Just an edit to say I probably wouldn't reply. Your silence would be better!!

Thanks Melonade.

You're right, it's actually very hurtful to suggest that I would be so shallow as to fall out of love with him for any of those reasons. He knows that's not true.

tea_lover wrote: »

So no mention of his wife then?

No, the text was about 5 times longer than what I quoted but no mention of a wife xxx

Toucan_Pecan

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks fr the kind words, aileth xx





Thanks Melonade.

You're right, it's actually very hurtful to suggest that I would be so shallow as to fall out of love with him for any of those reasons. He knows that's not true.


No, the text was about 5 times longer than what I quoted but no mention of a wife xxx

Sorry, why doesn't he just phone you....? Why all this push and pull texting nonsense? I went through this is someone and they were back with their ex!

tayforth

Judi wrote: »

.... ive heard some bullsh!te in my lifetime.:mad:

dogcat wrote: »

I still don't understand why it took him so long to text you.....and with a message like that......what? I would just delete it and move on....good luck.

Thank you both xxx

duchy wrote: »

Well he's either an award winning liar or he has such serious self esteem issues that any relationship would be a disaster.

I think the only reply is " I think you are right-and that it is best we both move on. I wish you luck" and then block him.

(Well actually there are other replies but Tay is more of a lady than I am )

Please, feel free to tell me what your other replies would be, I could do with a laugh!

tayforth

Toucan_Pecan wrote: »

Sorry, why doesn't he just phone you....? Why all this push and pull texting nonsense? I went through this is someone and they were back with their ex!

I agree, I'd rather speak to someone than text. But this is the way he chose to contact me.

What happened in your situation? xx

tayforth

JoW123 wrote: »

I have 2 points to make.......


1) That text was all about him and nothing about what he had just put you through


2) He's completely right. He will never be good enough for you because of the utterly s**t way he treated you.


Please don't let him back in. He will only break your heart again and again. The best reply you could give would be none at all. Delete the text and move on.

Thank you, JoW123. You're right on both counts. It was all about him. And yes, if anything makes him unworthy, it's his behaviour. Not any of the superficial stuff that he described.

*max* wrote: »

Complete and utter bullcrap.

He's met someone else (or several), realised with a start that he hasn't contacted OP for a while, so sends her a sycophantic, "it's not you it's me" message - just so he doesn't completely burn his bridges in case the other women don't work out.

Don't reply. Or this will turn into a massive neverending saga and we'll still be reading this thread this time next year.

Move on. He's a diksplash.

You think this is true?

Primrose wrote: »

Only you have met him Tay and are in any position figure out whether he's conning you with fine words or whether in fact he has very low self confidence and esteem and has not had to face the emotional battles which you have, which have gradually increased your resilience. Are you on the same educational and intellectual wavelength? Do you think he is a possible under achiever in life generally compared with you which has now given him a new benchmark with which to judge himself? To me his message seems to be leaving the door open for you to come back and possibly challenge him to "man up" and develop himself to be worthy of you but you now have to decide whether to risk giving him the challenge if you think he is worth it. if you think these are just fine words, then perhaps silence is the best approach.

On the other hand, many people owe turning around their lives to the love and nurture of somebody who has faith in them and encourages them to make the most of themselves . Perhaps when you came along and showed him a role model of what was possible, he was overawed too quickly and his self awareness of his imperfections then caught up with him.

I honestly don't know which, and if it is the latter, however much you think you love him, it might be a long hard haul for him to develop himself into the kind of man who ultimately might not disappoint you and let you down again. This will be the risk you could be taking.

But all relationships, even the ones which seem stable and good, have some kind of inherent risk in them. Maybe at the moment you are still too fragile and it is too early for you to take that risk. But whatever happens now now, if you decide you want the contact with him to continue I would insist it being face to face so that you can watch the body language and engage in a proper conversation. Your probably don't know him well enough yet to know the kind of stuff of which he is made so any future relationship would have to be him building up a long track record of the kind of characteristics you might be looking for in a future partner.

He has a lot to do to prove himself now in view of his declarations of inadequacy. He may well be the loser he is projecting himself to be. Take things slowly. Maybe a test of his resolve would be to send him a text saying "Act like a man and come and have the guts to explain yourself to me face to face and then maybe I will believe you."

if he rises to the challenge and thinks enough of you not to fall at this first hurdle, maybe you MIGHT think the relationship is worth another try. if they were just fine words, he probably wouldn,t risk it, you will get your doubts about him clarified and know the kind of person you are dealing with.

If he does have the courage to turn up, you are going to have to have some serious conversations about what you expect from a relationship and this time you would have to take things very slowly going forward. Think about it hard and be open to the thoughts of your friends and family. But above all, give yourself some space to think through all the "what ifs" before making your next move., if you haven't already done so.

I felt that we were on the same wavelength intellectually (OK, not in terms of qualifications - but that's no indicator; some of the most intelligent and interesting people I know left school at 16). I never once thought that he wasn't good enough for me, never. And he was in no doubt about that.

Thank you for your comment. I admit, it is tempting to reach out... but I'm not sure.