Heartbroken - just need to talk

dogcat_2

I still don't understand why it took him so long to text you.....and with a message like that......what? I would just delete it and move on....good luck.

System

.... ive heard some bullsh!te in my lifetime.:mad:

duchy

Well he's either an award winning liar or he has such serious self esteem issues that any relationship would be a disaster.

I think the only reply is " I think you are right-and that it is best we both move on. I wish you luck" and then block him.

(Well actually there are other replies but Tay is more of a lady than I am )

JoW123

I have 2 points to make.......


1) That text was all about him and nothing about what he had just put you through


2) He's completely right. He will never be good enough for you because of the utterly s**t way he treated you.


Please don't let him back in. He will only break your heart again and again. The best reply you could give would be none at all. Delete the text and move on.

Primrose

Only you have met him Tay and are in any position figure out whether he's conning you with fine words or whether in fact he has very low self confidence and esteem and has not had to face the emotional battles which you have, which have gradually increased your resilience. Are you on the same educational and intellectual wavelength? Do you think he is a possible under achiever in life generally compared with you which has now given him a new benchmark with which to judge himself? To me his message seems to be leaving the door open for you to come back and possibly challenge him to "man up" and develop himself to be worthy of you but you now have to decide whether to risk giving him the challenge if you think he is worth it. if you think these are just fine words, then perhaps silence is the best approach.

On the other hand, many people owe turning around their lives to the love and nurture of somebody who has faith in them and encourages them to make the most of themselves . Perhaps when you came along and showed him a role model of what was possible, he was overawed too quickly and his self awareness of his imperfections then caught up with him.

I honestly don't know which, and if it is the latter, however much you think you love him, it might be a long hard haul for him to develop himself into the kind of man who ultimately might not disappoint you and let you down again. This will be the risk you could be taking.

But all relationships, even the ones which seem stable and good, have some kind of inherent risk in them. Maybe at the moment you are still too fragile and it is too early for you to take that risk. But whatever happens now now, if you decide you want the contact with him to continue I would insist it being face to face so that you can watch the body language and engage in a proper conversation. Your probably don't know him well enough yet to know the kind of stuff of which he is made so any future relationship would have to be him building up a long track record of the kind of characteristics you might be looking for in a future partner.

He has a lot to do to prove himself now in view of his declarations of inadequacy. He may well be the loser he is projecting himself to be. Take things slowly. Maybe a test of his resolve would be to send him a text saying "Act like a man and come and have the guts to explain yourself to me face to face and then maybe I will believe you."

if he rises to the challenge and thinks enough of you not to fall at this first hurdle, maybe you MIGHT think the relationship is worth another try. if they were just fine words, he probably wouldn,t risk it, you will get your doubts about him clarified and know the kind of person you are dealing with.

If he does have the courage to turn up, you are going to have to have some serious conversations about what you expect from a relationship and this time you would have to take things very slowly going forward. Think about it hard and be open to the thoughts of your friends and family. But above all, give yourself some space to think through all the "what ifs" before making your next move., if you haven't already done so.

*max*

Complete and utter bullcrap.

He's met someone else (or several), realised with a start that he hasn't contacted OP for a while, so sends her a sycophantic, "it's not you it's me" message - just so he doesn't completely burn his bridges in case the other women don't work out.

Don't reply. Or this will turn into a massive neverending saga and we'll still be reading this thread this time next year.

Move on. He's a diksplash.

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

The (very very long) text went along the lines of:



)

Do you know what Tay, I wouldn't even reply to that. Keep your dignity and carry on with your recovery.

Plenty more fish and all that.

The alternative is constant drama's with him. You wouldn't know where you were with him IMHO

purpleshoes_2

That text is just a pile of cheese as far as Im concerned and I think hes hiding something. He wasnt concerned when he was talking about marriage, didnt think you were too good for him then.

I think its very possible there is someone else or always was someone else, that text has liar written all over it. Ive met a few in my time as well and the tall tales were something else.

No matter your feelings for him, Id avoid like the plague.

Kayalana99

Inbxed you Tay, I hadn't meant for it to get that long but I do ramble on!!

Robinette

Regardless of whether the content of the text is genuine, what comes across most for me is the negativity. People are either radiators (happy, positive people who radiate warmth) or drains (downbeat, negative people who drain your energy). Surround yourself with radiators and you won't go far wrong.