Heartbroken - just need to talk

Primrose

There's a danger on threads like this that posters can get wrapped up in what's happening and treat them like Coronation Street, eager to know what happens in the next episode. Let's try not to pry and put pressure on Tayforth to share more than she's ready to, however concerned we are for her. I'm sure she's got a lot of think about and ponder right now and needs to be able take things at her own pace.

tayforth

Primrose wrote: »

Tay, we can only speculate what he said and that's private to you. However relieved you are to hear from him, I would make it clear that you are angry for the disrespectful way he treated you and if he had a genuine reason for his silence it had better be a jolly good one because you you are never going to be prepared to be treated like that again. Maybe he was panic struck at getting in too deeply too quickly. Whatever action you take, or don't take, make sure it is well considered first. Only you can make up your mind. I suspect you may well be unable to resist giving this relationship a second chance. If that's s the case, make him really prove that he understands in future how you expect to be treated. If he IS genuine, he will listen to the message.

aileth wrote: »

Totally understand about not wanting to share, Tay.

I suppose the content on his message depends if you'll want to message him back, especially given what a rollercoaster he has put you through, but I'm guessing by the way you've phrased it that it's not a happy text.

Love and hugs, Tay xxx

moromir wrote: »

Just wanted to say I've been reading this thread but haven't commented so far - do you really want to undo all this progress by texting him back?

Thank you all, honestly.

Lots of food for thought xxx

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

this 1000% percent.

well, on your own relationship wise, not friends wise.

Zully wrote: »

This, totally and utterly, I attempted to deal with my breakup on my own, I suffered for 2 whole months in relative silence refusing to confide in anyone close to me at the risk of seeming weak or a failure. it tore me apart, if it upsets you lean on your friends and family, no matter how trivial it seems or even how little you think they can help, if it is affecting you its important, any true friend will take it on board and try to help, just try to spread it around and don't rely too hard on just one person or you become dependant and potentially make your relationship with that person about your problems, just don't do it alone.

Thank you both.

I suffered in silence in my marriage, never again.

I have some good friends, who've been very supportive. Bless them.

sulphate wrote: »

Sorry for the late reply. I guess what helped me was the encouragement not to wallow, "put the ice cream down" and move on with my life. Plus the book is funny, and helps you see the good side of the situation.

Thanks, sulphate. I will check it out xx

tayforth

alias*alibi wrote: »

I agree totally. I'm finding this post and it's 300+ comments weary. I've loved and lost and fell hard in the past but when somebody doesn't want you they don't want you regardless of how much you beat yourself up over it. Cry, dust yourself off, get angry, move on. Yes it's hard and soul crushing but this thread IMHO is unhealthy. Just my opinion of course.

justme111 wrote: »

I understand where you coming from re unhealthy , people are fallible though and react disproportionately often and go through the grief differently , its been just a few days since it happened , I am sure op will process it and not get stuck on it for the next couple of years , don't see much wrong in sharing one 's pain when its acute and hope this thread was helpful to her .

Thank you. I don't want to feel like this, really I don't. I had hoped to feel better by now.

But I promise, I'm doing the best I can to get through it.

duchy

I had a boyfriend a few years ago who every few months would entirely drop off the radar. Then I'd eventually hear from him and it was always something uber dramatic. His best mate's kid had been diagnosed with cancer, one of his own children had ended up in hospital, his Mum's uncle had died and he had to travel the length of the country with her to the funeral - All fairly uncheckable (and the sort of stuff no-one normal would lie about) - and all complete lies. And of course none actually prevented him from sending a text or making a call to say something had come up and he'd be busy. Most people would draw the line at claiming a child had cancer to prevent a girlfriend from finding out they were cheating (and I beat myself up for thinking such dreadful things about him -because it did sound suss but no-one would tell a lie like that surely) .

Needless to say once I had proof he'd acted so badly he was history but Tay if he has come up with a thin story to cover (if not explain) why he hasn't been in touch -then tread carefully.
In this day and age unless he was abducted by aliens there is no excuse not to call or send a text- and if he lost his phone then he knew where you lived.

I know you want the unhappiness to stop - but you've only been seperated a year - and many people aren't yet ready for a full on relationship after such a short time - and are vunerable to game players. Please be careful.

tayforth

The (very very long) text went along the lines of:



[cut]



(please don't quote this post as I may delete the content of the text - thank you)

(and please be gentle)

tayforth

duchy wrote: »

I had a boyfriend a few years ago who every few months would entirely drop off the radar. Then I'd eventually hear from him and it was always something uber dramatic. His best mate's kid had been diagnosed with cancer, one of his own children had ended up in hospital, his Mum's uncle had died and he had to travel the length of the country with her to the funeral - All fairly uncheckable (and the sort of stuff no-one normal would lie about) - and all complete lies. And of course none actually prevented him from sending a text or making a call to say something had come up and he'd be busy. Most people would draw the line at claiming a child had cancer to prevent a girlfriend from finding out they were cheating (and I beat myself up for thinking such dreadful things about him -because it did sound suss but no-one would tell a lie like that surely) .

Needless to say once I had proof he'd acted so badly he was history but Tay if he has come up with a thin story to cover (if not explain) why he hasn't been in touch -then tread carefully.
In this day and age unless he was abducted by aliens there is no excuse not to call or send a text- and if he lost his phone then he knew where you lived.

I know you want the unhappiness to stop - but you've only been seperated a year - and many people aren't yet ready for a full on relationship after such a short time - and are vunerable to game players. Please be careful.

Thank you, duchy. I find it hard to believe that anyone would make up such lies, there must be some very cruel people in the world.

How did you find out?

aileth

In a nutshell, it's not you, it's me. What an absolutely lame, pathetic text message, Tay. You deserve so much better than that sort of absolute crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melonade

I haven't replied so far but have been reading everyday and seeing how you are. But his text is amazingly stupid!!

So it's your fault for being so awesome!! I don't mean that in a bad way but I think he is a rat!!

My reply would be...

"Thanks, yes is am all of those things and it took you too long to realise. I am better off without you but I realised it sooner"

Dust yourself off and go out with some friends. If he was all the things you thought he was he wouldn't of waited so long to get in touch, let alone try and turn it round onto you.

What an idiot he is!!!!!!!!!

Just an edit to say I probably wouldn't reply. Your silence would be better!!

tea_lover

So no mention of his wife then?