Heartbroken - just need to talk

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

Do you know what Tay, I wouldn't even reply to that. Keep your dignity and carry on with your recovery.

Plenty more fish and all that.

The alternative is constant drama's with him. You wouldn't know where you were with him IMHO

Thank you, spirit. I know you're right xx

purpleshoes wrote: »

That text is just a pile of cheese as far as Im concerned and I think hes hiding something. He wasnt concerned when he was talking about marriage, didnt think you were too good for him then.

I think its very possible there is someone else or always was someone else, that text has liar written all over it. Ive met a few in my time as well and the tall tales were something else.

No matter your feelings for him, Id avoid like the plague.

Thank you, purpleshoes. As you say, if he did think that I was too good for him, it didn't put him off until a few weeks ago.

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Inbxed you Tay, I hadn't meant for it to get that long but I do ramble on!!

Thanks, Kayalana99. I've read your lovely PM, but I can't reply at the minute as my inbox is full xxxx

*max*

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you, JoW123. You're right on both counts. It was all about him. And yes, if anything makes him unworthy, it's his behaviour. Not any of the superficial stuff that he described.




You think this is true?




I felt that we were on the same wavelength intellectually (OK, not in terms of qualifications - but that's no indicator; some of the most intelligent and interesting people I know left school at 16). I never once thought that he wasn't good enough for me, never. And he was in no doubt about that.

Thank you for your comment. I admit, it is tempting to reach out... but I'm not sure.

Yes, it's true. You desperately want to be the exception, you want to come back in a while and tell us "well, to all the nay sayers, he was actually a great guy! Just like I thought!". But it's not going to happen. I know you want it to be true. But its not.

Facts are you knew him for a couple of months. This thread has been going for half that. Honestly. Even if you were gullible enough for him to worm himself into your life again (although you are allowing the idea of him to control your life right now), would you really want a guy you've known 2 months ( 2 MONTHS!!!) back into your life, even after he ignored you for half the "relationship" as if nothing happened? Come on woman!

duchy

My feeling is your instincts that he was looking for a proper relationship were correct -but I do wonder if he had "unfinished business" with another relationship. The fact despite appearing to grow close quickly emotionally you've implied he was in no rush to to "take it to the next level" says to me he wasn't messing you about - but was trying to move on -but whatever he was trying to move on from is back in his life. He may have the daft idea that "not hurting you" by telling you he's "rejecting you" for someone else is easier on you than honesty -Which shows he doesn't have the maturity you are looking for in a relationship.

I do think this text can give you closure if you allow it to. Not because of what he said - but because of the tone of it -as it tells you what he's like and how he actually doesn't "get you" or understand what you are looking for. I do think he didn't know how to tell you- and didn't have the answers to questions like "How could you change your mind so quickly" without looking/feeling like a total twonk.

I promise you in six months time you'll look back and realise what a lucky escape you had not to waste any more time on him than you did.

Person_one

*max* wrote: »

Yes, it's true. You desperately want to be the exception, you want to come back in a while and tell us "well, to all the nay sayers, he was actually a great guy! Just like I thought!". But it's not going to happen. I know you want it to be true. But its not.

Facts are you knew him for a couple of months. This thread has been going for half that. Honestly. Even if you were gullible enough for him to worm himself into your life again (although you are allowing the idea of him to control your life right now), would you really want a guy you've known 2 months ( 2 MONTHS!!!) back into your life, even after he ignored you for half the "relationship" as if nothing happened? Come on woman!

Grow some balls.

I have to second that 'come on woman!'

A man acts like a **** and dumps his new girlfriend unceremoniously. A lot of women then spend weeks and weeks over-analysing every little thing about the situation. Do you think he's spent anything like this amount of time or energy thinking about you and dissecting your behaviour?

pinkladyof66

i am so pleased you have not replied i would seriously please think about ignoring him and moving on.. i can totally understand how you must feel I have been there far too many times to mention. but you will get over it albeit time... you are worth so much more than that... honestly keep busy, do nice things and hopefully in no time at all you will be back on the dating ladder again.. x

JoW123

Person_one wrote: »

I have to second that 'come on woman!'

A man acts like a **** and dumps his new girlfriend unceremoniously. A lot of women then spend weeks and weeks over-analysing every little thing about the situation. Do you think he's spent anything like this amount of time or energy thinking about you and dissecting your behaviour?

I'm glad you haven't replied Tay, and Person_one is right. You need to draw a line under it now and start looking forwards otherwise you'll make yourself ill.

purpleshoes_2

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you, JoW123. You're right on both counts. It was all about him. And yes, if anything makes him unworthy, it's his behaviour. Not any of the superficial stuff that he described.




You think this is true?




I felt that we were on the same wavelength intellectually (OK, not in terms of qualifications - but that's no indicator; some of the most intelligent and interesting people I know left school at 16). I never once thought that he wasn't good enough for me, never. And he was in no doubt about that.

Thank you for your comment. I admit, it is tempting to reach out... but I'm not sure.

I sincerely hope you don't reach out. He's treated you terribly. I do agree, you need to take the rose tinted specs off and keep them off. Of course its awful not getting a proper explanation. But everything he's done suggests he doesnt care about you as much as he said he did and he certainly cares about himself more

That text was just a pile of nonsense, designed to try and pull the wool over your eyes. Its actually insulting that someone can't be honest enough to tell you what actually did go wrong, instead palming you off with that pile of cheesy guff.

Hes not worth it. This is what, week 5 or 6 of you being apart. Draw a line. Spend some time alone. I really would not be in a rush to get back into the dating scene. Youve been through a lot this last year, you need to get back on an even keel emotionally so that if anything like this happens again, it won't floor you quite so much.

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

I agree, I'd rather speak to someone than text. But this is the way he chose to contact me.

I guess he would have found it more difficult to ring you without his partner hearing, Texting he would have got away with.

purpleshoes_2

spirit wrote: »

I guess he would have found it more difficult to ring you without his partner hearing, Texting he would have got away with.

He could phone her anytime though and Im sure he did phone her when they were together.

He's clearly not got the balls to pick the phone up.

Toucan_Pecan

purpleshoes wrote: »

He could phone her anytime though and Im sure he did phone her when they were together.

He's clearly not got the balls to pick the phone up.

Ick, so horrible! Imagine if you were together and you got ill or something, would he disappear and then reappear with a text? I don't know about you Tayforth, but I deffo need to feel secure and not have to teach a guy how to be respectful and caring... it should be a bloody natural impulse if he cares enough!