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Heartbroken - just need to talk

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  • tayforth
    tayforth Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    rigtown wrote: »
    Hi Tay
    I'd like to share with you. I am a single dad that went through a painful break up many years ago; got over it. I had a happy single life for many years just me and the children, until they went to university. That’s when I thought it was time to think about myself and meet someone. And here I am feelling the same heartbreak and full of hurt. I know from past experiences that it will fade, life will go on and eventually you won't even care! It hard to believe that it could be like that, because the feelings are very strong, you miss them so much, the feelings of rejection are so depressing. But you do get better.
    But saying that does not help me at the moment. I feel heartbroken and depressed again! The woman I fell in love with, dumped me for another man with more to offer. The days are long and the nights even longer. I can't stop thinking about her. It is so painful to see her laughing with another man. The loss is hard to bear. There are only two things I wish for: either she realises that I'm the love of her life or I forget her as quickly as possible. Sadly neither is happening.


    Anyway Tay : this helped a little! ( I cant post a link )
    youtube .. ..How To Deal With A Break Up - WHY They Broke Up With You
    by Noah Elkrief

    and this is also interesting
    his video on ... The 7 Things We Mistake To Be Love

    I'm very sorry to hear that, rigtown. :( How recent was the breakup?

    I really identify with the text in bold. Sending you hugs xxxx

    FBaby wrote: »
    Sorry you got hurt too rigtown, your post shows that the pain of heartbreak is not gender specific. It is something some people experience more intensely than others (supposedly like giving birth :)) and some people take longer to get over it than others. Some needs an explanation to move on, some rather not. Some cope better in company, others being left alone.

    It's a personal experience, but the one thing that almost everyone get in common is that we do get over it at some point and move on with life when we are ready to do so.
    rigtown wrote: »
    thank you Fbaby
    I always envy the people that can get over break ups so easily.
    but you are right , it does get better with time ...

    Thank you both xxx
    Life is a gift... and I intend to make the most of mine :A

    Never regret something that once made you smile :A
  • tayforth
    tayforth Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    edited 9 June 2014 at 6:52PM
    When something similar happened to me he had disappeared because he had met his future wife. After a while he called me to tell me, not even being nice about it, but rubbing it in.
    He'd met us more or less at the same time and he needed to choose, obviously he made the right choice because they are still married and have kids. It was the right choice for me because he was not the right person for me, and I would not have been happy as I am now with my current partner.

    I think that believing he's still thinking about you while he could well be seeing someone else is not helpful, you can only make decisions based on the information you have, which is that he's not calling you. Even if the above is true, he'd still be someone I would not want to be with, I like people who know what they want, not those who once you have fallen for them start having doubts and are unsure about the relationship, better now than later.

    Thank you, terra_ferma. I'm sorry that your ex treated you with so little sensitivity. How long did it take you to get over it? xx

    msb5262 wrote: »
    Hi Tayforth,
    I've been following this thread all along as I "know" you from your previous one. It looks as if you're right in your last post...sorry to have to say that but it's the only answer that makes sense. I hope you will start to feel better soon.
    Love from MsB x

    Thanks so much, msb5262. I know you follow my story, I've seen thanks from you on some of my posts. You're very kind to say that xxx

    spirit wrote: »
    tayforth wrote: »
    Yes, it is the hope that's making me feel bad. The tiny flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, he will get in touch again, and there'll be an explanation for all of this.

    That, and the thoughts of how things were at the beginning.

    I miss that so much. I was so happy. :(

    xx

    Except that in hindsight, your happiness was based on an illusion of who you thought he was based on the little info he gave you.

    Glad you had a good weekend with your family, distractions are good for you at the moment IMHO

    xx

    Thanks, spirit. I am trying hard to keep busy, in the hope that it will help.

    And yes, it was based on an illusion... but the happiness itself was real, and it was wonderful. I've never known anything like it.
    Life is a gift... and I intend to make the most of mine :A

    Never regret something that once made you smile :A
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Could it be it hurts souch because in your life you had none of it before so your heart can not see there is a lot of it for you in store and mourns what feels to it like your only happiness chance ... Even if your brain knows there are others who you would feel as good with tour heart will not accept it as the proof is in the pudding - that feeling is associated with him only. Of course mourning one's only chance at happiness would be world shattering .
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • I know exactly how you feel!!

    My boyfriend broke up with me last week and I'm devestated. He is going through a divorce but I foolishly believed him when he said he was ready for a relationship.

    Again, he said he loved me pretty soon after we offically started dating. Things seemed right and it was great thinking about the future.

    Then he started getting 'down'. I tried to help as much as I could but clearly I wasn't enough.

    I've been through hell and back and I feel like my heart has been stamped on all over again.
  • tayforth
    tayforth Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    justme111 wrote: »
    Could it be it hurts souch because in your life you had none of it before so your heart can not see there is a lot of it for you in store and mourns what feels to it like your only happiness chance ... Even if your brain knows there are others who you would feel as good with tour heart will not accept it as the proof is in the pudding - that feeling is associated with him only. Of course mourning one's only chance at happiness would be world shattering .

    It's not that I've never been happy with anyone else. But this was different.

    I know exactly how you feel!!

    My boyfriend broke up with me last week and I'm devestated. He is going through a divorce but I foolishly believed him when he said he was ready for a relationship.

    Again, he said he loved me pretty soon after we offically started dating. Things seemed right and it was great thinking about the future.

    Then he started getting 'down'. I tried to help as much as I could but clearly I wasn't enough.

    I've been through hell and back and I feel like my heart has been stamped on all over again.

    I'm so sorry to hear that, becky. Please feel free to talk about it here or PM me if you like xxx
    Life is a gift... and I intend to make the most of mine :A

    Never regret something that once made you smile :A
  • Zully
    Zully Posts: 31 Forumite
    Hey Tayforth, sorry to hear about your situation, if you fancy talking to a guy going through similar stuff feel free to PM me :)
    Aut viam inveniam aut faciam
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    tayforth wrote: »
    It's not that I've never been happy with anyone else. But this was different
    Well , I dont mean "never"
    If the last time you were happy was long ago , when you were at different stage in your life it fits the explanation well
    I take it you were in a ltr which has been not good for a while , thats exactly scenario I meant.
    Different ? Of course - you are different , the person you are with is different. It will always be different.
    Or do you mean you were not happy to such a degree ? If so than again what I said in the message before this one fits.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • tayforth
    tayforth Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    Zully wrote: »
    Hey Tayforth, sorry to hear about your situation, if you fancy talking to a guy going through similar stuff feel free to PM me :)

    Thank you, Zully. I have PMed you.
    Life is a gift... and I intend to make the most of mine :A

    Never regret something that once made you smile :A
  • tayforth
    tayforth Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    justme111 wrote: »
    Well , I dont mean "never"
    If the last time you were happy was long ago , when you were at different stage in your life it fits the explanation well
    I take it you were in a ltr which has been not good for a while , thats exactly scenario I meant.
    Different ? Of course - you are different , the person you are with is different. It will always be different.
    Or do you mean you were not happy to such a degree ? If so than again what I said in the message before this one fits.

    I had been happy in relationships before... but never as happy as I was with this guy.

    I don't know if I'll ever find that again.
    Life is a gift... and I intend to make the most of mine :A

    Never regret something that once made you smile :A
  • jozxyqk
    jozxyqk Posts: 142 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    tayforth wrote: »
    I had been happy in relationships before... but never as happy as I was with this guy.

    I don't know if I'll ever find that again.


    Things look bleak now because you put your trust in someone and they dumped on you and they haven't even had the courage or respect to communicate with you. That must hurt, particularly if you're still healing from your nasty ex - I've read your other thread and I'm so impressed with how you stood up for yourself :T.

    There are decent people out there even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment.
    "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
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