Heartbroken - just need to talk

duchy

tayforth wrote: »

I don't even want to think that he was the right person at the wrong time. Because that would mean that I've lost my one chance with the person I was meant to be with.

duchy - did you know about the overlap (in your relationship) when you had that conversation, or did you only find out afterwards?

As for getting cross - I'm almost afraid to do that, because I fear that it would be just as destructive as the sadness.

Despite what the movies say there isn't just one someone out there who is your soulmate-there are lots of someones and sooner or later you will meet one (or another) of them and if the time is right you'll get together -Just because someone is "The one" doesn't mean he is the only person in the world who COULD be the one

Did I know? At the time I'd have said no ......with hindsight I probably initiated the conversation or its direction because things didn't feel completely right even if the level of deception when I dug deeper later on left me gobsmacked.

Getting angry or cross is a part of the healing cycle- don't deliberately suppress it-it honestly isn't healthy or wise.

If you've ever read about the cycle of dealing with a death- we go through disbelief- sadness anger and then acceptance before we can move forward-and you are mourning what could have been so the cycle will follow the same path.

tayforth

Judi wrote: »

Your just talking through your thoughts online.

Thank you, Judi. It helps to be able to do it, because you're all lovely and you've helped me see it from different perspectives. I don't feel so alone.

duchy wrote: »

Despite what the movies say there isn't just one someone out there who is your soulmate-there are lots of someones and sooner or later you will meet one (or another) of them and if the time is right you'll get together -Just because someone is "The one" doesn't mean he is the only person in the world who COULD be the one

Did I know? At the time I'd have said no ......with hindsight I probably initiated the conversation or its direction because things didn't feel completely right even if the level of deception when I dug deeper later on left me gobsmacked.

Getting angry or cross is a part of the healing cycle- don't deliberately suppress it-it honestly isn't healthy or wise.

If you've ever read about the cycle of dealing with a death- we go through disbelief- sadness anger and then acceptance before we can move forward-and you are mourning what could have been so the cycle will follow the same path.

Thanks, duchy. Very kind words.

I'm sorry that your ex deceived you to such an extent. What else had he lied about? How did you feel when you found out?

I read about the cycle of grief years ago when I lost a family member. I will read it again, it might help me because I do feel a kind of grief at the moment.

spiritsfree

spirit wrote: »

Do you think though that if he contacted you now with an 'explanation' that you would be hearing the truth or his version of it?

Would you trust him (or anyone else in the future) to be honest?

I understand the generalisation spirit, however that only sets up more barriers in the future ?? and future problems ?

What ever you do Tay, please don`t look at all men as being like this, because they are not !!...but learn to trust yourself and your intuition. Look for actions to back up the words ? Learn and grow as a person and have confidence in your good heart and soul. Little steps with good deeds will help you realise that you are different and deserve the love and harmony you search for !!

It`s easy to generalise, however we are all individuals on our own journey,...and you have done nothing wrong !!! This excuse for a man has tried to give you his problem, however "Don`t take it on board" ?? "hold your head up high lady" and rejoice in your femininity "His loss" !!!!!!!

...and I hope somehow you have a better day today ?

Much love XXXX

System

What ever you do Tay, please don`t look at all men as being like this, because they are not !!...but learn to trust yourself and your intuition. Look for actions to back up the words ? Learn and grow as a person and have confidence in your good heart and soul. Little steps with good deeds will help you realise that you are different and deserve the love and harmony you search for !!

It`s easy to generalise, however we are all individuals on our own journey,...and you have done nothing wrong !!! This excuse for a man has tried to give you his problem, however "Don`t take it on board" ?? "hold your head up high lady" and rejoice in your femininity "His loss" !!!!!!!

What wise and lovely man you are.:)

tayforth

spiritsfree wrote: »

I understand the generalisation spirit, however that only sets up more barriers in the future ?? and future problems ?

What ever you do Tay, please don`t look at all men as being like this, because they are not !!...but learn to trust yourself and your intuition. Look for actions to back up the words ? Learn and grow as a person and have confidence in your good heart and soul. Little steps with good deeds will help you realise that you are different and deserve the love and harmony you search for !!

It`s easy to generalise, however we are all individuals on our own journey,...and you have done nothing wrong !!! This excuse for a man has tried to give you his problem, however "Don`t take it on board" ?? "hold your head up high lady" and rejoice in your femininity "His loss" !!!!!!!

...and I hope somehow you have a better day today ?

Much love XXXX

Thank you for the kind words, spiritisfree. Your posts are very wise and uplifting xxx

spiritsfree

Judi wrote: »

What wise and lovely man you are.:)

Thank you Judi......It comes after a long journey of learning

spiritsfree

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you for the kind words, spiritisfree. Your posts are very wise and uplifting xxx

You are so welcome Tay

Chin up, ....and hugs XXXXX

lostinrates

spiritsfree wrote: »

I understand the generalisation spirit, however that only sets up more barriers in the future ?? and future problems ?

What ever you do Tay, please don`t look at all men as being like this, because they are not !!...but learn to trust yourself and your intuition. Look for actions to back up the words ? Learn and grow as a person and have confidence in your good heart and soul. Little steps with good deeds will help you realise that you are different and deserve the love and harmony you search for !!

It`s easy to generalise, however we are all individuals on our own journey,...and you have done nothing wrong !!! This excuse for a man has tried to give you his problem, however "Don`t take it on board" ?? "hold your head up high lady" and rejoice in your femininity "His loss" !!!!!!!

...and I hope somehow you have a better day today ?

Much love XXXX

I don't think tayforth has done anything wrong, and I think you are right to draw distinction between 'putting up barriers' and 'learning and growing'.

That's not to say though, that things cannot be changed for future relationships and how WE approach others in the future cannot change.

Barriers aren't necessarily bad things. Boundaries are important things in many cases. Physically they can prevent trespass or disease. Emotionally they can determine when is right to open the gateway 'inside' our reserves.

Its not that its NEVER right to get close or trust or have faith, its learning to recognise where is right for us to lay that belief.


I feel, and I feel though we approach this different, what I read in your posts, is its not really about the other guy. Its about tayforth from here on in. Recognising her worth, where she can learn but not berating herself. Growth, development and not looking back ( learning not to look back even maybe?) Is that right, or am I misinterpreting you?


Untrusting, is a negative connotation, but protection isn't. We'd think anyone who didn't protect themselves from STDs rather stupid.

Robinette

There is an interesting quote by Socrates: 'Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.'

System

Robinette wrote: »

There is an interesting quote by Socrates: 'Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.'

Makes a lot of sense.