Heartbroken - just need to talk

philgr

Hi Tayforth,

Just read your entire thread and whilst I've not been on the forum for long, I sincerely hope that you manage to get things back on course and find yourself on the road to happiness.

I've kinda adopted the philosopy after my own split that, as cliche as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason. However painful it may seem at the time, however upsetting it is, in the scheme of things, its only a short segment and you will move on.

Co-incidentally, I've just received a card in the post from my sister that carries the slogan

"Life is like a Bicycle - to keep your balance, you must keep moving"

Try not to dwell on things, use your support network and gradually, you will come to realise that it wasn't meant to be

duchy

I had a boyfriend who did something similar ................... Short version of a very long story was that he had told me so many lies as his relationships had "overlapped" that when we had a conversation one night about past relationships and trust and I commented that people can make mistakes but lies killed a relationship as trust was vital he sat there with an utterly dismayed expression on his face as he realized that by not disentangling himself from his previous relationship first he'd blown all chance of a future with me.

I suspect yours isn't a dissimilar situation.

Possibly the right person but definitely the wrong time .

Give yourself permission to get cross with his stupidity -and you may find moving on easier.

FBaby

Possibly the right person but definitely the wrong time

So so true and I think very common unfortunately. I am not convinced at all that my relationship would what it is with OH if we'd met 5 years earlier. We do know that 10 years before and not only it wouldn't have happened but we would have run away from each other!

System

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

Very wise words.

tayforth

Thanks for all your lovely comments, I am so grateful.

I haven't slept properly in days. I go to bed hoping to sleep, but my mind won't switch off. I'm alternating between disbelief, sadness, betrayal, humiliation, pleading with the universe to make it all a bad dream, and goodness knows what else.

Top_Girl wrote: »

Tayforth, I'm sorry to be so blunt, but the truth is that he doesn't care, because if he did, you'd have had at least an attempt at an explanation by now.

That's all you need to know.

You have been strong and you need to continue to be so. Keep hold of your self respect and make your way through this. It will pass x

Thank you, Top Girl. Painful as it is, you're right

lostinrates wrote: »

Yes.

The thing is. There is no happy ending at this stage. It was all a big mistake the heart hopes, right? Something has gone wrong? Well why didn't he put it right...he could call, or knock on your door.

What he tells you will never BE a whole truth, people rarely work so. He might well believe it, that's different. But, doesn't help you.

Thanks, LIR. I think I've given up hope of a happy ending (or even tying up the many loose ends).

FBaby wrote: »

To go for these, you need to get the chance to know the person, so if during that time you get to know him, he is all complimentary and charming and nice, what do you do? Convince yourself that he is not real?

I think there is a big risk of being too guarded because you can be passing by something that is special. Again, I was in the same boat then many here when I met my OH. I can say from what I read that he was very much like Tay's guy, if not even more expressive, complimentary, and opened with his feelings, yet he was genuine and it led to the ultimate dream.

I am still convince that this man did mean what he said, did really care for Tay, did dream of something with her....but wasn't available to take it further. I think he tried to convince himself as much as Tay. I think he took the quiet route because ultimately, he couldn't cope with facing Tay and showed that he decieved her from the start.

Personally, however painful it feels now, you took a chance Tay and it could have been wonderful. Next time, it might be especially as I expect you will be more careful and making some checks from the start.

Thanks, FBaby. I don't want to meet anyone else, tbh. But I will take your words on board in the future. I do need to be more alert, but I will try not to become cynical.

I have no idea whether he was available or not. I've gone over so many scenarios in my head, and each of them is as hurtful as the others. Whatever the reason, he's not with me or communicating with me. And I miss him.

tayforth

JadedAngel88 wrote: »

I have read your post from the start and just wanted to share this with you. I wont bore you with the details of my wonderful ex, but now 6 months on I'm glad he dumped me again. Give yourself time to grieve, it doesnt matter how long the relationship was, but set a time limit, then go and enjoy your life. I wish you the best and you will find the one for you, when the time is right xxx

Thanks, JadedAngel88. That's very kind of you xxx

tea_lover wrote: »

Hi Tay, just wanted to say hello and I hope you have some lovely weekend plans. Take care of yourself.... chin up sweetie x.

Thank you, tea lover. I'm going to see my mum this weekend, hope that I'll be able to get some rest too.

philgr wrote: »

Hi Tayforth,

Just read your entire thread and whilst I've not been on the forum for long, I sincerely hope that you manage to get things back on course and find yourself on the road to happiness.

I've kinda adopted the philosopy after my own split that, as cliche as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason. However painful it may seem at the time, however upsetting it is, in the scheme of things, its only a short segment and you will move on.

Co-incidentally, I've just received a card in the post from my sister that carries the slogan

"Life is like a Bicycle - to keep your balance, you must keep moving"

Try not to dwell on things, use your support network and gradually, you will come to realise that it wasn't meant to be

Thanks, philgr. I've always been philosophical too, but I'm really struggling to see the reason for this. It hurts so much, I wish that I'd never met him.

---

Sorry for being so down and self-absorbed right now. I know that I'm not the first or the last person to go through this. Just reading your comforting words and hearing similar stories really helps.

tayforth

duchy wrote: »

I had a boyfriend who did something similar ................... Short version of a very long story was that he had told me so many lies as his relationships had "overlapped" that when we had a conversation one night about past relationships and trust and I commented that people can make mistakes but lies killed a relationship as trust was vital he sat there with an utterly dismayed expression on his face as he realized that by not disentangling himself from his previous relationship first he'd blown all chance of a future with me.

I suspect yours isn't a dissimilar situation.

Possibly the right person but definitely the wrong time .

Give yourself permission to get cross with his stupidity -and you may find moving on easier.

FBaby wrote: »

So so true and I think very common unfortunately. I am not convinced at all that my relationship would what it is with OH if we'd met 5 years earlier. We do know that 10 years before and not only it wouldn't have happened but we would have run away from each other!

I don't even want to think that he was the right person at the wrong time. Because that would mean that I've lost my one chance with the person I was meant to be with.

duchy - did you know about the overlap (in your relationship) when you had that conversation, or did you only find out afterwards?

As for getting cross - I'm almost afraid to do that, because I fear that it would be just as destructive as the sadness.

lostinrates

tayforth wrote: »

I don't even want to think that he was the right person at the wrong time. Because that would mean that I've lost my one chance with the person I was meant to be with.

duchy - did you know about the overlap (in your relationship) when you had that conversation, or did you only find out afterwards?

As for getting cross - I'm almost afraid to do that, because I fear that it would be just as destructive as the sadness.

There is no such thing as the one person you are meant to be with IMO. Apart from yourself.

In fact, I think its a beautiful idea that is often an excuse for poor behaviour and not love at all.

Now, that's not to say I don't believe in 'soul mates' or kindred spirits or what ever. They tend to return calls though.

tayforth

lostinrates wrote: »

There is no such thing as the one person you are meant to be with IMO. Apart from yourself.

In fact, I think its a beautiful idea that is often an excuse for poor behaviour and not love at all.

Now, that's not to say I don't believe in 'soul mates' or kindred spirits or what ever. They tend to return calls though.

I know, LIR. If a guy had treated one of my friends in this way, I would be wondering what on earth she still saw in him. I hope to wake up one day and see him as you see him xx

lostinrates

tayforth wrote: »

I know, LIR. If a guy had treated one of my friends in this way, I would be wondering what on earth she still saw in him. I hope to wake up one day and see him as you see him xx

No, I don't wonder what you saw in HIM, I wonder what you are seeing in YOURSELF that makes you worthy of this and to be such a vessel of grief. Has it become habit over the years for example, or is it the vibrancy of feeling, the two emotions are extreme, maybe the middle ground is alien to you ( to be clear I am not being critical just suggesting, this latter is a fallback of my personality so an easy one for me to propose, )