Heartbroken - just need to talk

tayforth

Mojisola wrote: »

It's thought that crying can also help clear the body of toxins that build up when we're stressed so, if you feel the need, have a good cry.

trevorsminted wrote: »

Fair point so why after Tayforth having cried several times she still feels like cr&p about the situation?!

Mojisola wrote: »

Crying doesn't make the situation any better but it can get rid of some of the toxins that result from you being upset.

I think that when you've come out of a relationship parts of your emotional self are very tender and so any new upset hurts much more than if would after you've time to heal just like when you've had an injury to your physical body and you get knocked on the same place again.

Thanks, Mojisola. If crying helps to release toxins, my insides must be healthier than the Green Goddess by now.

tayforth

Hello everyone

I needed some distraction this evening, so I went to a class that I'd been meaning to try out. It was a bit scary to go on my own, but everyone was friendly. I was glad that I went.

Also, I was reading the 'ways to get over a broken heart' link that ab7 kindly posted, and I'm going to try some of the tips. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to listen to the radio as I'm getting ready for work, just to break the silence (which I usually don't mind, but the last couple of weeks my brain has filled the silence with endless jumbled thoughts of you know who).

I've signed up to a 30 day happiness challenge on FB. I've also promised myself that I'll go to a cafe some evening with a book and sit reading on my own.

I have to start taking positive steps, hope they work.

Frogletina

tayforth wrote: »

((((Frogletina)))). I know exactly how you feel, my heart goes out to you.

There hasn't been a morning yet when I haven't woken up thinking about him. I desperately hope that it will pass soon.

I will PM you xxx

I have just messaged you x

curlygirl1971

Tayforth, just came across this thread. Only read your first / last post rather than whole thread....as I should be asleep already. I've no idea if this is still appropriate but I just wanted you to know that you're not on your own experiencing this.

About 8 years ago I was royally dumped after 4 months (well he didn't actually have the guts to do it! - he dangled me for about 3 weeks, making excuses saying he was stressed / I was making it worse). He became unexpectedly cruel - making some remarks about my appearance - and was humiliatingly indiscreet. We were part of a large social scene and basically he told everyone about intimate things. And then paraded the woman he probably cheated with in front of me, PDA's the lot. He actually brought her round when he came to collect some belongings from my house and couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for him. My family and friends were gob-smacked as he'd given them a very different impression of his feelings and intentions towards me.

I was ill with it. Sick to my stomach. Couldn't sleep. Lost a lot of weight. Couldn't stop crying and struggled to drag myself out of it. I even developed eczema under my eyes from crying. I was a mess and few people could understand because it had only been months. 'IT' was all I could think about. I made it 100 x worse by trying to continue with all my social plans / mixing with same crowd - I thought it would be better to keep facing him and try and show people I wasn't bothered - I didn't want to run away. Consequently I don't think I was right for about a year. I googled 'how to get over heartbreak'. I was desperate - I just wanted to feel normal again / well.

I think if I could go back and have a word with myself I'd tell me to take care of no.1 and leave the social group. I didn't need to keep making myself confront the hurtful reality - it would have been okay to walk away. I'd say 'yes writing things down does help' but stop after a while and don't re-read and dwell. Get out of the house, do something new with new people. I'd also tell myself 'in a few months from now you're going to realise what a lucky escape you've had from a selfish egotistical vain child and you won't even recall that you felt like you'd lost love. And you will find peace and laughter and happiness and love again.' And I did. And you will - you will recover from this. Take each day as it comes, be kind, patient but firm with yourself, make plans ...I promise you that there will be a morning when it's not the first thing you think about

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

Hello everyone

I needed some distraction this evening, so I went to a class that I'd been meaning to try out. It was a bit scary to go on my own, but everyone was friendly. I was glad that I went.

Also, I was reading the 'ways to get over a broken heart' link that ab7 kindly posted, and I'm going to try some of the tips. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to listen to the radio as I'm getting ready for work, just to break the silence (which I usually don't mind, but the last couple of weeks my brain has filled the silence with endless jumbled thoughts of you know who).

I've signed up to a 30 day happiness challenge on FB. I've also promised myself that I'll go to a cafe some evening with a book and sit reading on my own.

I have to start taking positive steps, hope they work.

Brilliant, well done Tay, I think you have turned the corner now.

:T

More hugs (((hugs)))

lostinrates

tayforth wrote: »

Hello everyone

I needed some distraction this evening, so I went to a class that I'd been meaning to try out. It was a bit scary to go on my own, but everyone was friendly. I was glad that I went.

Also, I was reading the 'ways to get over a broken heart' link that ab7 kindly posted, and I'm going to try some of the tips. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to listen to the radio as I'm getting ready for work, just to break the silence (which I usually don't mind, but the last couple of weeks my brain has filled the silence with endless jumbled thoughts of you know who).

I've signed up to a 30 day happiness challenge on FB. I've also promised myself that I'll go to a cafe some evening with a book and sit reading on my own.

I have to start taking positive steps, hope they work.

Excellent stuff. Exercise class was great move. Endorphins from movement, plus, hopefully fun!

Re listening to radio. Pick your stations carefully. There are some songs I listen to especially when I am feeling down because they are SO upbeat. If you song along great, if you tear up, fine.

I love silence but its a tremendous sadness of mine that there isn't time in the world to hear all the wonderful mudic nor read all the beautiful books I'd want to. So while silent thoughtful times are certainly of value breaking them is of value too and when I find myself breaking them with sort of so so stuff I think 'well, its a gauge' and try and move on to something that gives me something greater.

tayforth

Good morning

After going to bed hoping for a decent sleep, I tossed and turned all night, I've barely slept at all. I just can't switch off my thoughts, no matter how I try. It's very hard.

Sorry.

Frogletina wrote: »

I have just messaged you x

Thank you Frogletina, I was asleep by the time it came but I shall reply ASAP xx

spirit wrote: »

Brilliant, well done Tay, I think you have turned the corner now.

:T

More hugs (((hugs)))

Thanks for the hugs, spirit. I don't think I've reached the corner yet, but I will keep trying.

lostinrates wrote: »

Excellent stuff. Exercise class was great move. Endorphins from movement, plus, hopefully fun!

Re listening to radio. Pick your stations carefully. There are some songs I listen to especially when I am feeling down because they are SO upbeat. If you song along great, if you tear up, fine.

I love silence but its a tremendous sadness of mine that there isn't time in the world to hear all the wonderful mudic nor read all the beautiful books I'd want to. So while silent thoughtful times are certainly of value breaking them is of value too and when I find myself breaking them with sort of so so stuff I think 'well, its a gauge' and try and move on to something that gives me something greater.

Thank you, LIR. I just listened to a morning 'talk' programme. A few minutes of news, weather etc.

Music is not something I want at the minute. There are several beautiful love songs which I listened to in the last few months and associated with this guy... and now the lyrics keep coming into my head and I desperately try to stop it from happening.

lostinrates

Tayforth, there are loads of guided meditations on you tube. I used a good one for me last night. How about trying those for a while?

tayforth

curlygirl1971 wrote: »

Tayforth, just came across this thread. Only read your first / last post rather than whole thread....as I should be asleep already. I've no idea if this is still appropriate but I just wanted you to know that you're not on your own experiencing this.

About 8 years ago I was royally dumped after 4 months (well he didn't actually have the guts to do it! - he dangled me for about 3 weeks, making excuses saying he was stressed / I was making it worse). He became unexpectedly cruel - making some remarks about my appearance - and was humiliatingly indiscreet. We were part of a large social scene and basically he told everyone about intimate things. And then paraded the woman he probably cheated with in front of me, PDA's the lot. He actually brought her round when he came to collect some belongings from my house and couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for him. My family and friends were gob-smacked as he'd given them a very different impression of his feelings and intentions towards me.

I was ill with it. Sick to my stomach. Couldn't sleep. Lost a lot of weight. Couldn't stop crying and struggled to drag myself out of it. I even developed eczema under my eyes from crying. I was a mess and few people could understand because it had only been months. 'IT' was all I could think about. I made it 100 x worse by trying to continue with all my social plans / mixing with same crowd - I thought it would be better to keep facing him and try and show people I wasn't bothered - I didn't want to run away. Consequently I don't think I was right for about a year. I googled 'how to get over heartbreak'. I was desperate - I just wanted to feel normal again / well.

I think if I could go back and have a word with myself I'd tell me to take care of no.1 and leave the social group. I didn't need to keep making myself confront the hurtful reality - it would have been okay to walk away. I'd say 'yes writing things down does help' but stop after a while and don't re-read and dwell. Get out of the house, do something new with new people. I'd also tell myself 'in a few months from now you're going to realise what a lucky escape you've had from a selfish egotistical vain child and you won't even recall that you felt like you'd lost love. And you will find peace and laughter and happiness and love again.' And I did. And you will - you will recover from this. Take each day as it comes, be kind, patient but firm with yourself, make plans ...I promise you that there will be a morning when it's not the first thing you think about

Thanks for sharing your story, curlygirl1971. How cruel of him to treat you in that way. I'm sorry to hear that you went through such an awful experience.

Thanks also for sharing the lessons you learned.

I suppose I'm lucky that we're not in the same social group. On the one hand, I miss his physical presence so much it hurts, but it would upset me so much more to have him behave coldly towards me.

That morning when it's not the first thing I think about... it can't come soon enough.

xxxx

tayforth

lostinrates wrote: »

Tayforth, there are loads of guided meditations on you tube. I used a good one for me last night. How about trying those for a while?

Thanks, LIR. I've never done that before, but it's worth a try xx