Heartbroken - just need to talk

hieveryone

tayforth wrote: »

What is the 'something deeper'? I ask because I wonder the same myself. But I haven't been able to pinpoint anything.

As I said in my other post, something deeper as in your own self-esteem and feelings about yourself for this to have affected you so badly. This doesn't quite sit right with me to be honest, it was a relatively short relationship where you weren't even at the intimate stage, so I am finding it hard to see why it has knocked you for six. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I genuinely don't think your feelings are to do with this fella, but something more in depth.

Similar has happened to me, and I thought to myself 'what a sod!!' and then got on with my life. I remember laughing with my friends and making up ridiculous sarcastic reasons as to why he didn't want to see me anymore. I do honestly remember the bemused feeling of 'what the hell just happened?!', but for no more than a week or so and that was it - on to the next nightclub and the next fella! :rotfl: I was really annoyed for one reason though - he had given me a bottle of champagne at his house for my birthday before a night out and I didn't ever make it round to pick it up :rotfl::rotfl:

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you, Brighton belle, that's very kind. Yes, it's the deceit that hurts the most. That and the loss of something that seemed to be really amazing xxx



.

They do say Tay that if something seems to good to be true, then it probably is.

You proved yourself to be strong enough to escape an abusive marriage, by comparison, this should be a walk in the park for you.

((hugs))

Brighton_belle

You're really lucky Hi Everyone to have found it within yourself to have reacted that way: it is a good way to be.
I wonder if it is just a lucky quirk of personality though as to how sensitive we are or are not to certain situations.

tayforth

hieveryone wrote: »

As I said in my other post, something deeper as in your own self-esteem and feelings about yourself for this to have affected you so badly. This doesn't quite sit right with me to be honest, it was a relatively short relationship where you weren't even at the intimate stage, so I am finding it hard to see why it has knocked you for six. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I genuinely don't think your feelings are to do with this fella, but something more in depth.

Similar has happened to me, and I thought to myself 'what a sod!!' and then got on with my life. I remember laughing with my friends and making up ridiculous sarcastic reasons as to why he didn't want to see me anymore. I do honestly remember the bemused feeling of 'what the hell just happened?!', but for no more than a week or so and that was it - on to the next nightclub and the next fella! :rotfl: I was really annoyed for one reason though - he had given me a bottle of champagne at his house for my birthday before a night out and I didn't ever make it round to pick it up :rotfl::rotfl:

Brighton_belle wrote: »

You're really lucky Hi Everyone to have found it within yourself to have reacted that way: it is a good way to be.
I wonder if it is just a lucky quirk of personality though as to how sensitive we are or are not to certain situations.

I know it was a short-lived thing. I've been out with other guys for longer and not had deep feelings for them. But I felt a bond and a connection with this guy, and fell in love very quickly. I feel foolish even writing that, it's so unlike me. But my feelings were, and are, very real.

Having said that, perhaps there's something else at play too. I will reflect on it.

spirit wrote: »

They do say Tay that if something seems to good to be true, then it probably is.

You proved yourself to be strong enough to escape an abusive marriage, by comparison, this should be a walk in the park for you.

((hugs))

Thank you for the reminder, spirit. And the hugs.

xxx

hieveryone

Brighton_belle wrote: »

You're really lucky Hi Everyone to have found it within yourself to have reacted that way: it is a good way to be.
I wonder if it is just a lucky quirk of personality though as to how sensitive we are or are not to certain situations.

I had more belief in myself though, that is key I think. I thought to myself 'oh, that was good whilst it lasted, I wonder what his problem is'.

Previous to that, however, my boyfriend of 5 years had really done a number on me and yes, I moped for a good while. Taught me a lot though, lesson learned and all that.

Tayforth, only those who you allow to hurt you can do so.

Frogletina

spirit wrote: »

You proved yourself to be strong enough to escape an abusive marriage, by comparison, this should be a walk in the park for you.

((hugs))

I disagree with this.


I was in an abusive marriage many years ago which I managed to escape from (literally).


After the trauma and pain of a bad relationship, I think it is easy to fall in love with the first person who shows you the attention and love that you have been lacking. To then find that you are let down by the person who has begun the healing process in your life can be so disabling that you find yourself unable to move forwards.


The last relationship I've had ended abruptly, and although we were only friends it has hit me really hard. I've messaged, I've cried myself to sleep, but I won't get the answers I'm looking for.


Tay, I hope you get an answer, and that it helps. I was given one, but it didn't make sense to me but it made sense to him.

tayforth

Frogletina wrote: »

I disagree with this.

I was in an abusive marriage many years ago which I managed to escape from (literally).

After the trauma and pain of a bad relationship, I think it is easy to fall in love with the first person who shows you the attention and love that you have been lacking. To then find that you are let down by the person who has begun the healing process in your life can be so disabling that you find yourself unable to move forwards.

The last relationship I've had ended abruptly, and although we were only friends it has hit me really hard. I've messaged, I've cried myself to sleep, but I won't get the answers I'm looking for.

Tay, I hope you get an answer, and that it helps. I was given one, but it didn't make sense to me but it made sense to him.

((((Hugs)))) Frogletina, and thank you for telling me that. I'm so sorry that you were let down. How long ago was this? How are you feeling now?

I think you may be right. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling so awful about this.

Mojisola

Frogletina wrote: »

After the trauma and pain of a bad relationship, I think it is easy to fall in love with the first person who shows you the attention and love that you have been lacking. To then find that you are let down by the person who has begun the healing process in your life can be so disabling that you find yourself unable to move forwards.

This is what many people find when they come out of a bad relationship.

It's best to keep things very light and casual until you've got to know yourself again properly but, of course, it's hard to control emotions when you meet someone who seems nice.

tayforth

Is this what's happening to me?

Not the bit about falling in love with the first person who shows you attention and love. Two of the guys I went on dates with couldn't have been more keen, and they seemed perfectly nice. They both pursued me in a big way. But I didn't want them. This guy was different. I fell for him not just because he showed me attention and love, but because I felt the same way about him as he did about me. I think I would have fallen for him at any stage in my life.

But the bit about that person you fall in love with letting you down while you're still healing, that might be true.

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

Is this what's happening to me?

Not the bit about falling in love with the first person who shows you attention and love. Two of the guys I went on dates with couldn't have been more keen, and they seemed perfectly nice. They both pursued me in a big way. But I didn't want them. This guy was different. I fell for him not just because he showed me attention and love, but because I felt the same way about him as he did about me. I think I would have fallen for him at any stage in my life.

But the bit about that person you fall in love with letting you down while you're still healing, that might be true.

Is it still less than a year since you left your husband? I'd be incredibly surprised if that wasn't still affecting you and your response to this newer relationship. It was a hell of a thing to go through, before and after leaving.

Being brutally honest, there are plenty of people who wouldn't even class something this short lived as a relationship at all, and I think its rare to be so devastated after only a few weeks. Would you ever have got so involved so quickly and been so overwhelmed by it all before you went through what you did with your horrible husband?

Maybe it might not be a bad idea to reconsider counselling? If you didn't feel you got on with the one you saw before, try somebody else. There's a good directory of reputable ones here: http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists/