Heartbroken - just need to talk

quantumleap

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks for clarifying!





What a lovely thing to say, and of course she was right.

I admit, I feel ashamed that I'm letting myself feel this way when there are many others with far bigger problems.

Thank you for sharing this (and I'm sorry that you were betrayed by your ex-fiancee). I hope that your confidence and happiness have returned.

I'm now married to a wonderful women and have 3 beautiful children and I'm convinced that everything happens for a reason.:)

I know you'll look back at this and (to quote a Garth Brooks song) thank god for unanswered prayers!

tayforth

judyjetson wrote: »

You know what, I've read your other thread on and off, and I think this isn't just about him, I think this is actually you grieving for your original relationship as well. I could be wrong, but it strikes me that your original break up left you more numb than anything else, and this could be it all coming out now.

Grief is a strange thing - it can be delayed for years even and can manifest itself under the most trivial or unconnected circumstances.

This is your first foray back into the dating world, it's the first, I'm sure, of many more. There won't be many on here who don't know how you're feeling right now. I bet you remember feeling like this before and you'll have thought you'd never get over it, but you did.

Thank you. I really thought that I had dealt with all my feelings about my marriage.. but perhaps you're right. If so, I don't want to carry this suppressed grief forward. I'll have to deal with it somehow, maybe by talking to a counsellor.

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Hiya Tay, I followed & posted a little on your last thread.

I'm not going to add any advice but I am sending you a gigantic virtual hug.

You deserve so much more then this & I am wishing you lots and lots of (good) luck!!!!

Thanks so much, Kayalana99 xx

quantumleap wrote: »

I'm now married to a wonderful women and have 3 beautiful children and I'm convinced that everything happens for a reason.:)

I know you'll look back at this and (to quote a Garth Brooks song) thank god for unanswered prayers!

I've just looked up the lyrics to that song. Here's hoping that I feel that way someday. Thank you. And I'm glad to hear that you have a happier life now.

FBaby

I'm starting to think that it would help me to get angry. It seems healthier than being sad.

Anger is often see as a very negative, belittling emotions. I think that if it expressed appropriately, it is actually a very valuable emotion.

I don't get angry easily, but when I do, it just has to come out. I do get angry quite easily though in the face of injustice or when I think someone who doesn't deserve it is badly treated (I've been angry for you since the start of this thread ). The great thing about letting it out is that it does mean you get rid of all the toxins inside (ie. poisonous thoughts) and allow you to take a deep breath and start new positive thinking.

It's been almost 10 days hasn't it? It is a long time to not feel any better at all, so I personally think you should indeed consider letting it all out in anger and be done with it.

MrsAtobe

To be honest, Tay, I'm with JoJo on this. Get someone else to drop his stuff off to his address, send him a text message to tell him where the stuff is and then delete his number.

Get him out of your life, get angry and get back to enjoying your life.

Would it help to get a notebook, and right down all your feelings about the relationship? Think of it as a series of letters to him, asking him all the questions that you want to? Do you think that would help to still your mind? I do think that counselling might be a good idea for you, though. Sending you a big virtual hug. xxx

Primrose

I'd view returning his stuff to him as rewarding his selfish behaviour. I personally would oblige him to make the effort to arrange to collect it if he wanted it back that badly. But you will be getting so much conflicting advice on here that at the end of the day it is probably just confusing you all the more and compounding the pain for you. Has enough water passed under the bridge for you yet to feel strong enough to decide on a specific course of action to deal with it and move forward? If he ever reappears, maybe your response might be. "Oh I assumed that you had died or moved away so there wasn't any point in trying to reunite you with your possessions." Dealing with the end of a relationships is in some ways harder than a bereavement because the latter is so final that you have no option but to know and accept it's true. With a breakup there is always a temptation to fantasise that a return to an earlier state is still a possibility. That is perhaps why it's even harder to let go because the flame of hope still flickers.

justme111

Just a thought re "thanks god for unanswered prayers". Religious people been reported to cope with life better for this very reason probably - religion helps them to have an inner conviction that although they may not see it everything that happens happens for a reason and is for th best .
Tay , I don't think you should be ashamed of feeling what you do. Or try to feel an anger - I can relate to not feeling anger. Or feel inadequate for not moving on. It's just 10 days. 10 days since being left for the first time in the adult life ? Of courseit must hurt. By the way , what was your love life before the husband you left about a year ago ?

BrassicWoman

this book helped me a lot through break ups. The title sounds harsh but it's all about self esteem, really. And it stopped me trying to excuse/explain bad behaviour.

http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/141690977X

System

Re. His things I would be tempted to just chuck them but in all fairness I think you ought to send him a message saying.

'Your stuff is here if and when you want to collect them let me know but its in the way. If I don't hear from you within the month they are going in the bin'.

If you don't hear from him, that surely will give you closure.

FBaby

If you don't hear from him, that surely will give you closure.

That wouldn't give me closure because by this stage, I would have no doubt that the relationship is over (would have accepted that from a couple of days of him not responding to text), but it still wouldn't answer the question 'why'.

We are all different, but for me, not knowing why makes it much more difficult to accept closure, because I don't like to turn a page without understand why I am turning it.

tayforth

Hi everyone

Sorry, I have been reading but just not up to posting. I've spent most of the weekend with friends, doing stuff to try to distract me.

Then I got back here an hour ago and burst into tears.

MrsAtobe wrote: »

To be honest, Tay, I'm with JoJo on this. Get someone else to drop his stuff off to his address, send him a text message to tell him where the stuff is and then delete his number.

Get him out of your life, get angry and get back to enjoying your life.

Would it help to get a notebook, and right down all your feelings about the relationship? Think of it as a series of letters to him, asking him all the questions that you want to? Do you think that would help to still your mind? I do think that counselling might be a good idea for you, though. Sending you a big virtual hug. xxx

Thanks, MrsAtobe. I might try the writing idea. Or talking.

justme111 wrote: »

Just a thought re "thanks god for unanswered prayers". Religious people been reported to cope with life better for this very reason probably - religion helps them to have an inner conviction that although they may not see it everything that happens happens for a reason and is for th best .
Tay , I don't think you should be ashamed of feeling what you do. Or try to feel an anger - I can relate to not feeling anger. Or feel inadequate for not moving on. It's just 10 days. 10 days since being left for the first time in the adult life ? Of courseit must hurt. By the way , what was your love life before the husband you left about a year ago ?

Thank you. I feel that I should be moving on by now, but I suppose it hasn't been that long. I'm emotionally drained, tbh.

BrassicWoman wrote: »

this book helped me a lot through break ups. The title sounds harsh but it's all about self esteem, really. And it stopped me trying to excuse/explain bad behaviour.

http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/141690977X

Thank you, BrassicWoman. That's very kind xxx