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Heartbroken - just need to talk

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  • aileth
    aileth Posts: 2,822 Forumite
    I think his things would be a window. Contact him and ask when you can give him his stuff back. Response will be very telling. Maybe text "I've found your things, can I drop then at your house?" Or similar.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    tayforth wrote: »
    Thanks, Mojisola. I just wouldn't feel right putting it on eBay full stop.

    If he asks for it back and I've given it to the charity shop, is that just as bad?

    What if he waits 2 months to ask?

    I'll hold onto it for now, but I need to have a cut-off date by which I will get rid of it one way or another.

    It might not come to it but he could claim you have stolen them if you dispose of them.

    When lodgers leave possessions behind, the recommended process is for the LL to write to them and say:
    what the items are,
    where they are being held, and
    how long they will be available for collection before you dispose of or sell them (14 days is acceptable).

    Send the letter by recorded delivery.
  • tayforth
    tayforth Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    aileth wrote: »
    I think his things would be a window. Contact him and ask when you can give him his stuff back. Response will be very telling. Maybe text "I've found your things, can I drop then at your house?" Or similar.

    Thanks, aileth.

    A window as in a valid reason for contacting him? I suppose it would be.

    Mojisola wrote: »
    It might not come to it but he could claim you have stolen them if you dispose of them.

    When lodgers leave possessions behind, the recommended process is for the LL to write to them and say:
    what the items are,
    where they are being held, and
    how long they will be available for collection before you dispose of or sell them (14 days is acceptable).

    Send the letter by recorded delivery.

    Thanks, Mojisola. Perhaps I'll leave it for a while, to see if he gets in touch to ask for his things back, then I suppose I'll have to contact him. I don't want to have to keep them forever, but equally I don't want to do anything wrong (morally or legally).
    Life is a gift... and I intend to make the most of mine :A

    Never regret something that once made you smile :A
  • Georgiegirl256
    Georgiegirl256 Posts: 7,005 Forumite
    edited 29 May 2014 at 6:43PM
    tayforth wrote: »
    Do you think it'd be an idea to contact him about it?

    I would. I'd say something like "Your 'insert items here' are still at my house. Please could you let me know what you want done with them/when you can collect them"

    Then see if he replies or not. If not, donate them to your favourite charity. I wouldn't sell them though, as tempting as that may be, I wouldn't want to see you get into trouble.

    ETA: Add something like "If I haven't heard anything from you by 'this date' then they'll be donated to the Charity shop.
  • tayforth
    tayforth Posts: 1,884 Forumite
    I would. I'd say something like "Your "insert items here" are still at my house. Please could you let me know what you want done with them/when you can collect them"

    Then see if he replies or not. If not, donate them to your favourite charity. I wouldn't sell them though, as tempting as that may be, I wouldn't want to see you get into trouble.

    ETA: Add something like "If I haven't heard anything from you by 'this date' then they'll be donated to the Charity shop.

    Thank you, Georgiegirl256.

    It's not tempting at all to sell them. I'm an honest person and I wouldn't do that.

    If I do end up disposing of the items, and only after he contacts me/I contact him about them, it will be to charity.
    Life is a gift... and I intend to make the most of mine :A

    Never regret something that once made you smile :A
  • spirit
    spirit Posts: 2,886 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    tayforth wrote: »
    Thanks so much This Year, that's very nice of you xx




    Do you think it'd be an idea to contact him about it?

    No, you've already put that particular ball in his court. It would also only cause you to worry more depending on his response/non-response.

    He knows how to get in touch with you.
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j
  • dubs57
    dubs57 Posts: 97 Forumite
    Why not just ring him up and find out whats going on? Surely whatever he says cannot be any worse than all of this speculation. After everything
    you have been through together you have got a right to speak to him. Communicating by text is clearly rubbish.
    Member 116 2 pound savers club:) 167 virtual sealed pot challenge:j
  • NAR
    NAR Posts: 4,864 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    tayforth wrote: »
    Thank you, Georgiegirl256.

    It's not tempting at all to sell them. I'm an honest person and I wouldn't do that.

    If I do end up disposing of the items, and only after he contacts me/I contact him about them, it will be to charity.
    I think, in law, you have to offer him an opportunity (with reasonable timescales) to collect his goods, before doing anything with HIS property. Anyway you want to exit this relationship with your head held high I'm sure. ;)
  • Georgiegirl256
    Georgiegirl256 Posts: 7,005 Forumite
    tayforth wrote: »
    Thank you, Georgiegirl256.

    It's not tempting at all to sell them. I'm an honest person and I wouldn't do that.

    I can tell that! ;)

    Have you googled him yet? (why does that always sound so wrong?! :rotfl: ) I'd have done it straight away, but then again I'm nosy lol!
  • BrassicWoman
    BrassicWoman Posts: 3,218 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
    edited 29 May 2014 at 10:48PM
    I think you'd only be using his stuff as an excuse to contact him and would regret it later.

    While it is in your house the temptation is there. Charity shop. He's not actually going to sue for stuff whatever the law may say.

    I'm not a great cook so it's possible I've had more break ups than home made dinners.... I know I sound harsh, but the quicker you toughen up, the sooner you'll be moving on. That means he gets deleted from phone, email gone from online address book, all possessions out. Then there is no temptation in a weaker moment.

    Get very busy on what used to be date night, doing anything, as long as it isn't staring at the phone. Walks, cinema, walking old ladies dogs, evening job in pub. Anything at all.

    I really do wish you all the best. And that includes wanting better for you.
    2021 GC £1365.71/ £2400
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