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Heartbroken - just need to talk
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I am suddenly feeling angry for you
Who can be so calleous to tell someone they know are coming out of a vulnerable situation that they love them, giving them the impression they are starting to build something, and then not have the decensy to be in contact for days whatever the reason. How can someone with a seemingly normal life and personality, beyond the age of 16 be so coward? Does it take that much to make a phone call and say 'I'm sorry but...' or even if that is too much an email/text to say the same? Anything but the silent treatment which to me is the most selfish attitude one can take.
I hope you get angry to and that anger helps you realise what a loser he really is.0 -
I'm not so sure it's malicious -more they get caught up in the moment-enjoy feeling the hero ...... but that level of intensity isn't sustainable and whereas when a relationship builds gradually and then plateaus out -these move too hard too fast so the drop is dramatic. I suspect men who do this often don't even ends things nicely because they simply don't know what to say because they simply don't understand it themselves why their feelings changed so fast.
I'm not making excuses -it's a rubbish way to treat someone - just trying to give some insight into how it happens. That they don't put themselves in a position to be asked Why? .... because they simply don't know the answer .I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
But you wouldn't do this in any other type of relationship. You wouldn't build a friendship that is going well and suddenly cut all contact? You wouldn't go to work, where everything is fine with your boss and colleagues, and then suddenly don't show up.
Well some people do, but it is not very common and similarly, very cowardly. I don't think it is an acceptable thing to do in any circumstances beyond of course something drastic happening in their lives.
I totally undestand the fact that some people do get very excited and positive about a new relationship to suddenly wake up and realise that you don't feel what you thought. I have a friend who makes a habit of it, he is not a bad person, it is just the way it is, but he always lets the person down by talking to them. He feels bad enough doing it, let alone not even bothering to contact them for days.0 -
But you wouldn't do this in any other type of relationship. You wouldn't build a friendship that is going well and suddenly cut all contact? You wouldn't go to work, where everything is fine with your boss and colleagues, and then suddenly don't show up.
Well some people do, but it is not very common and similarly, very cowardly. I don't think it is an acceptable thing to do in any circumstances beyond of course something drastic happening in their lives.
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I think it is pretty common - but if a "new friend" does it we simply aren't as invested in the relationship the way we are with a new partner (or maybe you just meet nicer friends than I do) so it simply doesn't have the same impact.
I totally undestand the fact that some people do get very excited and positive about a new relationship to suddenly wake up and realise that you don't feel what you thought. I have a friend who makes a habit of it, he is not a bad person, it is just the way it is, but he always lets the person down by talking to them. He feels bad enough doing it, let alone not even bothering to contact them for days.
That is from your perspective as his friend .........even with contacting the girlfriends they probably take a somewhat different view of him blowing hot then cold with them and think he's shallow or has led them on <shrug>I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
well this would be totally unacceptable to me in any circumstances (hence me feeling angry for OP!), because I find it extemely rude and selfish behaviour. Thankfully for me, it isn't common behaviour at all in my world and when it has happened I have challenged, hence me contacting the guy who went quiet on me, who did write a proper letter back and apologised and even though I didn't like his response, at least I got a bit more respect for him for bothering to do so.0
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But you wouldn't do this in any other type of relationship. You wouldn't build a friendship that is going well and suddenly cut all contact? You wouldn't go to work, where everything is fine with your boss and colleagues, and then suddenly don't show up.
Well some people do, but it is not very common and similarly, very cowardly. I don't think it is an acceptable thing to do in any circumstances beyond of course something drastic happening in their lives.
I totally undestand the fact that some people do get very excited and positive about a new relationship to suddenly wake up and realise that you don't feel what you thought. I have a friend who makes a habit of it, he is not a bad person, it is just the way it is, but he always lets the person down by talking to them. He feels bad enough doing it, let alone not even bothering to contact them for days.
Its just another one of a plethora of ways not to be mature or faultless about things. We all have them, and take them to relationships.0 -
lostinrates wrote: »Its just another one of a plethora of ways not to be mature or faultless about things. We all have them, and take them to relationships.
Sorry don't agree with this. Yes, no one is perfect, but there are rules about manners that we should have learnt from a young age, and one is not to avoid difficult situations because it is easier when it is obvious such action will deeply hurt someone who has done nothing but care for them.
People then wonder why they don't have friends. With such attitude, who would want them? I am guessing that one day one of my children will be in this situation, having to break up with someone who they know will be hurt as a result. If I learn that they've stopped contacting them and just ignored them, I will definitely be telling them what I think of this attitude (in a maternal caring way)
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Sorry don't agree with this. Yes, no one is perfect, but there are rules about manners that we should have learnt from a young age, and one is not to avoid difficult situations because it is easier when it is obvious such action will deeply hurt someone who has done nothing but care for them.
People then wonder why they don't have friends. With such attitude, who would want them? I am guessing that one day one of my children will be in this situation, having to break up with someone who they know will be hurt as a result. If I learn that they've stopped contacting them and just ignored them, I will definitely be telling them what I think of this attitude (in a maternal caring way)
I think we are at cross purposes, I don't disagree that its unacceptable. I do think its common. I also think its often sub conscious, not in the least malicious.
But look for example at DUTR's post yesterday. He reckons he's being clear that he is after no strings, I reckon from his posting its anything but.0 -
I would imagine that the OP's boyfriend might simply have lost interest after two and a half months 'dating' with no sex.0
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Don't usually comment on these things but a similar thing happened to me about 7 years ago. I had been dating this guy for 6 months or so, I thought things were going ok. Then he went to Manchester with his friends and when he came back he sent an email to say his phone was broken. I stupidly offered him the use of my old one until his phone was sorted but he refused. We saw each other I think maybe twice after that and emailed, then one weekend he just didn't show up - we lived in different cities and had a standing weekend date. I emailed him to find out what was going on but got no answer. And it was agony! I wasn't sure if he was going to turn up, if we were over, what I'd done to make him behave like this.
Eventually I heard back from him - some nonsense about how he had meant to get in contact but got angry about my enquiry as to his whereabouts (it was an email saying "are you coming over this weekend?" ) and decided not to contact me and that he wasn't himself with me or anyone else and it didn't answer any of my questions really.
I was surprised about how much it hurt. I've been in relationships before, longer term ones that have ended that have hurt less. In my opinion, it's a horrible, selfish way to break up with someone. If you don't want to be with someone that's fair enough, just tell them. If you really can't bring yourself to have an uncomfortable conversation that will last about 10 minutes then text or email them (as horrible as that is - at least they'll know). Don't just disappear and hope they'll go away if you ignore them long enough.
I'm still angry about it, even now - just because it was such a horrible thing to do.
OP I'm sorry he did this. I understand how horrible it feels but you will meet someone better. When I met my now DH, I was surprised at how little drama there was in our relationship. He texted, he called, and we didn't play games.Eu não sou uma tartaruga. Eu sou um codigopombo.0
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