Heartbroken - just need to talk

sleepymans

I feel yor pain.

I think it is soooo difficult to find the balance betwen "opening up" to future possibilities with new relationships, and being too trusting.

To be very honest, after only a couple of months dating you are still in the "honeymoon" perod and really do not know each other well enough to be either totally trusting or truly " in love".
In "lust" is likely to be more the case, for a year or so, before the reality of ful lblown commitment can even be considered.

I know I may be older and more cyical, but please take care of your heart.

all the best.
S
xx

tayforth

sleepymans wrote: »

I feel yor pain.

I think it is soooo difficult to find the balance betwen "opening up" to future possibilities with new relationships, and being too trusting.

To be very honest, after only a couple of months dating you are still in the "honeymoon" perod and really do not know each other well enough to be either totally trusting or truly " in love".
In "lust" is likely to be more the case, for a year or so, before the reality of ful lblown commitment can even be considered.

I know I may be older and more cyical, but please take care of your heart.

all the best.
S
xx

Thank you, sleepymans.

I've had a few guys say the L word to me way too early, but I've only ever been in love 3 times - with my university boyfriend, my ex-H and this new guy. I never believed that I could fall in love so quickly, but I did. Perhaps I was foolish.

I will definitely be more careful in future, and take any early declarations of love with a pinch of salt, no matter how I feel myself.

candlelight_2013

Now Tay stop beating yourself over falling in love. It is the most natural thing in the world, and you have had a long 12 months with lots of decision making.

If this relationship isn't meant to be, fair enough, but I honestly don't think you can regulate when you fall in love and how soon. As sleepymans says I do believe it is lust to start with, and once you begin to get to know the person and like them, then you may fall in love. You can like someone and never fall in love with them, but one step at a time.

You can do it

Much love
Candlelightx

FBaby

Sorry, I'm sure you explained it, but did he respond to your last text when you asked him to communicate and talk to you?

Also, you say he didn't show up twice and gave excuses? How did it go about? Was he supposed to come to your place or were you meeting somewhere? When did he contact you to apologise (I assume he did rather than you contacting him?)? What were the excuses? I can't see many excuses that could justify not showing up at all.

What was your normal communication flow before? How often were you in contact? By text, email, phone? Would it have been unusual for him not to get in touch for two days in a row?

spirit

Tay,

I think you could end up driving yourself mad thinking about why he behaved as he has. He is the only one who really knows what is going on and for reasons best known to him, he is not able to give you what you deserve.

Hard as it is, I think you have to now accept that it wasn't meant to be and try to make a good life for yourself.

You didn't do anything wrong and you couldn't have changed the outcome by doing anything differently. It is what it is I'm afraid.

:A

lostinrates

spirit wrote: »

Tay,

I think you could end up driving yourself mad thinking about why he behaved as he has. He is the only one who really knows what is going on and for reasons best known to him, he is not able to give you what you deserve.

Hard as it is, I think you have to now accept that it wasn't meant to be and try to make a good life for family

You didn't do anything wrong and you couldn't have changed the outcome by doing anything differently. It is what it is I'm afraid.

:A

I deleted a bit while trying to bold it.

This is the best post IMO.

This I have thought about wonderful lovers, super people, for different reasons and who other times, other places, other women would have made a great go of.

tesuhoha

This has suddenly reminded me of when I was 17. I was 'engaged' to this boy who kept telling me he loved me. There was no ring or anything but he declared his love very early on and kind of swept me off my feet although initially I was not keen. He was a very controlling type.

Anyway, one day all of a sudden he stopped coming round and all communication stopped. There were no mobile phones in those days so I had no idea of what was going on. This went on for weeks. Its a horrible feeling, I know that feeling of desolation and abandonment.

Eventually I got so desperate to find out the reason for the non contact that I decided to go round to his mum's house to find out what was going on. So that is what I did. I still remember the feeling of rejection, he was totally cold towards me, didn't invite me in and said that it was over. It didn't take long. I remember the flat empty feeling I had walking away from that house. I remember my dad making me bread and jam because I wouldn't eat.

It turned out that he was seeing an older woman, his neighbour, a divorcee with children who he had previously called a tart. Turned out that he had fancied her all along. I bumped into them in town once. She was a big brassy blonde and I could see what she had that I didn't. Lucky escape I had. There were others after that although only one who really mattered.

However, sad as I have been, all the breakups in my life I am now extremely glad of because they eventually led me at the age of 28 to my lovely handsome generous kind clever funny hardworking light up the room husband. If I had not broken up with all of those losers I would not have met him. I realised I had not really loved any of those strangers. So hopefully it will be the same for you. One day you will meet someone who will eclipse all the rest. Just believe that it will happen because there are many many decent people out there who are looking for love just the same as you are.

aileth

tesuhoha wrote: »

It turned out that he was seeing an older woman, his neighbour, a divorcee with children who he had previously called a tart. Turned out that he had fancied her all along. I bumped into them in town once. She was a big brassy blonde and I could see what she had that I didn't. Lucky escape I had. There were others after that although only one who really mattered.

:eek::eek::eek: That is incredible!

teawithmilk

How are you this morning Tayforth??

lostinrates

I hope she's ok.