Heartbroken - just need to talk

NAR

tayforth wrote: »

I have been giving him the benefit of the doubt, because of the accident.

I offered to go and visit him several times, but he said that he was at his parents'/had a doctor's appointment etc, and that he'd come to see me on X day. But he didn't turn up - twice. Both times, he had excuses related to the head injury, and I believed him. But now he hasn't contacted me in two days (since my text, paraphrased in post 37 http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=65583626&postcount=37). And I don't know what to think.

I know it's possible that he's been affected more than he realised, but he can still use his phone. He could contact me if he wanted to. But he hasn't.

Really strange Tayforth, all I can suggest is sit tight and see if he responds and more importantly what with. Be comforted with the fact that you have done nothing wrong and that you use the benefit of this experience in the future.

[Deleted User]

Hi Tayforth, I just wanted to say that I was in a similar situation about 4 years ago. My marriage had broken up and I'd been on my own for nearly 5 years when I met this lovely man who seemed to be so into me, complimenting me all the time, texting, emailing, always saying he couldn't wait to see me again etc. We talked about the future too. Then after about 2 months he cooled a little bit. I didn't notice it so much at the time but after we broke up a couple of weeks later I realised I had seen the signs - he wasn't holding my hand when we were out, he was a little bit short with me, like I annoyed him etc. Just little things really. Then one night he didn't ring me (he always had done previously) so I rang him and his phone was switched off! I rang again the following day (several times before I got hold of him) and he said he had been thinking about it and realised that he couldn't see a future for us! So that was that.

I was devastated too but I think it was partly that I had been basking in the experience of having someone make me feel I was the centre of their world. I think some people just throw themselves into relationships because they hope this might be 'the one' and are then a bit disappointed when they realise they've made a mistake. I think that's what he did.

I realised after a few days that I wasn't especially missing him, I was missing all the things he represented - someone to spend my weekends with, someone to talk to, someone to make future plans with etc. I decided I was just going to make alternative arrangements for all those things and I went out and arranged to visit friends I hadn't seen for a while, asked a friend who was going to run the Paris marathon if I could come with them etc and just threw myself back into enjoying my life. At first, it's just an effort of will, but after a while it becomes real.

And, for what it's worth, 3 months later I met the man I am now married to. Once I met him, I could see clearly that my previous relationship had not been good enough.

Hope you feel better soon

Lioness_Twinkletoes

I think you need to stop with the relationships and develop as a person. You do come across as quite needy - even down to posting every detail on MSE.

Learn to love you. The rest will follow.

aileth

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

I think you need to stop with the relationships and develop as a person. You do come across as quite needy - even down to posting every detail on MSE.

Learn to love you. The rest will follow.

How completely unnecessarily rude. Tay is a well-known poster here and has been incredibly strong through her marriage breakdown. She got some wonderful support and advice back on other threads and is now coming back for more. If you haven't followed her story I suggest you go look it up as it's inspiring. The last word id use for her would be needy.

lostinrates

Every detail? You know, I don't know what tayforth had for supper last night or will have tonight, like I do many of the old stylers.

An an anonymous forum is a pretty good place to 'emotionally dump' without taking into life. I sometimes ponder if those who are unpleasant here, for example, are able to be charming in real life because they've 'dumped' it on someone they cannot see here.


I do know, because I have heard from her, that she's coping. Heartbreak stinks.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

aileth wrote: »

How completely unnecessarily rude. Tay is a well-known poster here and has been incredibly strong through her marriage breakdown. She got some wonderful support and advice back on other threads and is now coming back for more. If you haven't followed her story I suggest you go look it up as it's inspiring. The last word id use for her would be needy.

I have read the story and that is why I think the OP needs to develop as a person before starting new relationships.

Sorry if this isn't huggy enough for you, but it wasn't rude. Blunt yes, rude no.

sammyjammy

duchy wrote: »

Either he jumped in too fast and is panicking or he's one of those guys who loves the excitement of early days but isn't a long-hauler .....or there's something else going on in his life. All of those things though are no reflection on you - and even if it is one of the nicer reasons-it will be right person - wrong time.

Yes your heart will heal -and you'll move forward -it just takes time- painful to go through but you will come through - a little sadder , alittle wiser and even stronger. Ready for the next part of the adventure ! (and another frog closer to your prince )

I second this.

Think of him as your rebound guy - they are always the hardest as you are still kind of mourning that LTR even if you were happy to escape it, its the thought of what might have been that you're mourning (IMHO) and you'll recover quickly and wonder what you were thinking .

Been there done that, bought the box of tshirts too :rotfl:

tayforth

You're all very nice, thanks for thinking of me. I'm reading your kind words, just not really up to posting tonight, but I will tomorrow.

xxxx

jansus

Sorry i haven't read all the replies but the same thing happened to me.
I fell for someones relentless pursuit of me after my marriage broke up, He told me everything i wanted to hear, including he loved me and i fell for it no sooner had i given in and let my defenses down he was off like a shot it was a hard lesson to learn.
Unfortunately a similar thing happened again a while later :eek: that resulted in me having a 10 year break from dating
I am now happily married :T although it took a big leap of faith to get there.

sammyjammy

jansus wrote: »

Sorry i haven't read all the replies but the same thing happened to me.
I fell for someones relentless pursuit of me after my marriage broke up, He told me everything i wanted to hear, including he loved me and i fell for it no sooner had i given in and let my defenses down he was off like a shot it was a hard lesson to learn.
Unfortunately a similar thing happened again a while later :eek: that resulted in me having a 10 year break from dating
I am now happily married :T although it took a big leap of faith to get there.

Why do some men do this? I genuinely don't think its malicious its just the way they are. The guy that "did" this to me works for my employer (it was a good 12 years ago) every time I see him I take great pleasure in the fact I feel nothing for him and he is both looking very old and has a big fat beer belly. He is actually the best friend of my friends husband and has three children with three separate woman, never managed a proper relationship with any of them and still lives at home at the spritely age of 45. Probably because all his money goes in Child payments!

Coincidentally he is the last guy I dated, it'll take more than a leap of faith to get me back out there