How do you cope when you can't move?

going_nowhere_fast

I think it's time to be realistic.

I know moving is years away but I want a picture in my head of what is is I'm going to get in the end to keep reminding myself, it'll be worth the wait.

yorkshire_terrier_owner

OP, you have my sympathies. I just wanted to share my story with you:

Following a relationship breakdown, I left my nice house in a nice area and bought a little terrace as it was all I could afford. Whilst I knew the area, and it wasn't bad, it transpired after a few months of living there that I was in a pocket that attracted trouble (opposite a Tesco express and very close to some social housing that has bad tenant after bad tenant). After about 2 years of living there I had had enough of the prostitutes, shoplifters, drug dealers and general antisocial behaviour. However, I couldn't afford to move. Night times were the worst for fights/arguments/drunks outside my house. In the summer I couldn't have my window open because I Knew I would be woken up.

I regularly had to call the police.

I waited 4 years until I was in a financial position to move. Then it took me 2 years to sell my property.

All the time i was waiting to move I was constantly making plans, squirrelling away as much money as I could, took extra work etc etc and kept dreaming the dream.

Last year it finally happened and I moved to a quiet cul-de-sac, where most of the residents are retired and make no noise at all (apart from the odd lawn mower on a Saturday afternoon). I can have my window open at night and it is silent.

Keep doing everything you can and you will get there. Just focus on the end goal. When you do eventually achieve it, you will appreciate it so much more.

Through it all I kept telling myself "time will move you on". It was my mantra and kept me going.

Fingers crossed for you.

moneyistooshorttomention

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I think it's time to be realistic.

I know moving is years away but I want a picture in my head of what is is I'm going to get in the end to keep reminding myself, it'll be worth the wait.

It's quite a balance to achieve, I know, to do that. That is, to live (as best you can) in the present, whilst striving to keep that picture of the future clear in your head.

Whilst I was fed-up to the back teeth of living in rented accommodation years ago, I kept that mental picture in my head of my house-to-be (ie a starter house) firmly in my head and pictured myself walking up the drive/cooking in the kitchen/planting up the garden. In the event, my starter house didn't have a drive or a garden and was noticeably worse than my mental picture of My Home and I've only recently acquired my missing drive/garden/etc.

However, if I hadn't kept my intent clearly focused on "when" I live in "My Home" I doubt I would have been open to every opportunity to move nearer in the direction of buying that starter house. I had to remember that my resolve mustn't waver and I had to always remember that My Home meant a house of my own and I was going to have one (somehow or other:cool:).

During the last couple of years I had to live in that rented accommodation the area was on a nosedive down and some of the neighbours were turning into Trouble Incarnate and, at that point, I was doing a lot of walking round my "selected areas for my home" on the one hand and countryish walks on the other hand. Whilst back in the rented place, I was definitely getting pretty angry come the end and it wasn't easy at all to keep telling myself "I need it/Its my right/I WILL have it" and then try and calm down and go back to more planning how My Home would be when I had it and try not to doubt I ever would.

EDIT: Like the idea of that "Time will move you on" mantra. I guess my equivalent was the thought "Obviously I own my own house. Most people own a house. My parents own a house, so obviously I'm going to as well". I regarded it in the "Its obvious" light that I regard "Its obvious I have 3 meals a day and go to bed at night for my nights sleep", ie "owning my own house is part of the natural/inevitable order of things" iyswim.

going_nowhere_fast

yorkshire_terrier_owner wrote: »

OP, you have my sympathies. I just wanted to share my story with you:

Following a relationship breakdown, I left my nice house in a nice area and bought a little terrace as it was all I could afford. Whilst I knew the area, and it wasn't bad, it transpired after a few months of living there that I was in a pocket that attracted trouble (opposite a Tesco express and very close to some social housing that has bad tenant after bad tenant). After about 2 years of living there I had had enough of the prostitutes, shoplifters, drug dealers and general antisocial behaviour. However, I couldn't afford to move. Night times were the worst for fights/arguments/drunks outside my house. In the summer I couldn't have my window open because I Knew I would be woken up.

I regularly had to call the police.

I waited 4 years until I was in a financial position to move. Then it took me 2 years to sell my property.

All the time i was waiting to move I was constantly making plans, squirrelling away as much money as I could, took extra work etc etc and kept dreaming the dream.

Last year it finally happened and I moved to a quiet cul-de-sac, where most of the residents are retired and make no noise at all (apart from the odd lawn mower on a Saturday afternoon). I can have my window open at night and it is silent.

Keep doing everything you can and you will get there. Just focus on the end goal. When you do eventually achieve it, you will appreciate it so much more.

Through it all I kept telling myself "time will move you on". It was my mantra and kept me going.

Fingers crossed for you.

Thank you so much. I ended up here after the breakdown of a relationship. If it was me on my own I would work evenings and/or weekends as well as a full time job and eat beans on toast every night until I had saved enough to move but I have a child so can't take on extra work and although I am trying to stick to a budget I'm trying to keep food normal and go on day trips as and when so that my child doesn't miss out.

I can't open my windows, can't sit outside in my backyard.

I will start telling myself every morning, time will move on.

Thank you x

going_nowhere_fast

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

It's quite a balance to achieve, I know, to do that. That is, to live (as best you can) in the present, whilst striving to keep that picture of the future clear in your head.

Thanks for your comments.

I find the hardest thing is that I need to stay in to save money to clear my debts and then save towards moving house BUT staying home is very difficult to do because even with windows and doors closed I can still hear shouting, screaming etc outside my house and music from noisy neighbours next door.

I am telling myself as I type this 'of course I will get to move to a semi detached in a quite cul de sac'....

going_nowhere_fast

yorkshire_terrier_owner - I forgot to say, I presume you had to take a hit with the price of your house?

I think when I come to sell it will take me a couple of years to get a buyer for mine even selling at less than I paid for it, unless I reduce it a lot just to get rid. If I can afford to do that when the time comes then I will price it to sell in weeks so I can be outta here!!!

going_nowhere_fast

Unusually quiet round here today...could get used to this.

Upsidedown_Bear

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Unusually quiet round here today...could get used to this.

Enjoy it :beer:
Can't add anything to the good advice you've already had but I understand how problem neighbours can make your life a misery having had some previously.

going_nowhere_fast

I am. It's wonderful - no shouting or music or swearing from next door, no foghorn shouting or dogs barking at the back, no speeding cars or shouting in the front. It's actually bearable when it's like this.

Now window shopping on your move.......

carefullycautious

Have you tried ambient sound, rain water, waves or many of the ones that are on the market. If you use them at times of great stress the sound will relax and soothe you.

I so understand what it is like to live somewhere where there is anti social behaviour going on I could write a book. It took us 7 years to escape it and thankfully we can now sleep soundly at night. Don't underestimate how ill it can make you as you are constantly waiting for it to start which is awful.

I'm afraid in the UK a mans home is no longer his castle for many.

Good luck and never give up hope.