How do you cope when you can't move?

harrys_dad

I am pleased to see you responding positively to some of the suggestions on here OP, well done. Stress and anxiety is caused by worrying about things you cannot control, so take action on the things you can do something about and ignore the rest.

You might it helpful to make a list of all the good things you have, such as your house, your child, your work, etc etc. Then work on those things you can affect, e.g. a debt reduction plan, noise reducing headphones, the allotment, and so on. Finally try to ignore all the irritating things that are left, they will not change.

This may help you change your fundamental attitude, which I feel is essential. You need to change your mindset from "how do we cope in this crap place until we can move away" to something more positive like "the good things here outweigh the bad so we will do everything we can to make it even better here".

Good luck.

going_nowhere_fast

Bantex wrote: »

What is stopping you from selling up and moving?

Finances....!

moneyistooshorttomention

I was wondering what on earth the "Whats stopping you?" question was about.

What stops any of us doing something we have decided to do? Yep....the fact we cant afford it (at least yet):doh:

going_nowhere_fast

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I was wondering what on earth the "Whats stopping you?" question was about.

What stops any of us doing something we have decided to do? Yep....the fact we cant afford it (at least yet):doh:

Yep, money does not make you happy but it doesn't have make your life a bit easier. I've entered the This Morning competition. Fingers crossed....

going_nowhere_fast

I am trying to think of all the positive things as Harry's Dad recommends....there are lots but the racket from next door is hindering my thinking.

It is a rented house - chances are they won't be here forever.

moneyistooshorttomention

Okay...its an offbeat suggestion I know....but are you at all literary-minded? As in, writing about the sitation you are in as in for a potential novel?

Like I said, offbeat....but it would help "get it out of your system" and feel more detached about it and, you never know, you might turn out to be a writer and be able to get the message over of what its like to be you/living your life.

do feel free to reject it as a thought if it sounds too far "off the beaten track" though...

Well that was a bit of how I coped personally in similar circumstances. Sort of seeing myself leading Someone Else's Life, rather than my own, and trying to mentally detach as far as possible from it and see it as a "learning experience" - rather than it being Me/My Life iyswim.

going_nowhere_fast

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Okay...its an offbeat suggestion I know....but are you at all literary-minded? As in, writing about the sitation you are in as in for a potential novel?

Like I said, offbeat....but it would help "get it out of your system" and feel more detached about it and, you never know, you might turn out to be a writer and be able to get the message over of what its like to be you/living your life.

do feel free to reject it as a thought if it sounds too far "off the beaten track" though...

Well that was a bit of how I coped personally in similar circumstances. Sort of seeing myself leading Someone Else's Life, rather than my own, and trying to mentally detach as far as possible from it and see it as a "learning experience" - rather than it being Me/My Life iyswim.

I've thought lots about something similar actually. Hey JK Rowling made her millions that way - I just want enough to start making a dent in my finances.

For a long time I've thought I'd love to be able to write - I wouldn't be any good at fiction but maybe a fact based mother and child book (all the celebs are at it so why not me?) but I wouldn't know where to start. Every book needs a beginning middle and an end, how do you even begin to write a book and who do you send it to when you've finished it.

Have you written something?

moneyistooshorttomention

Various short things, long since abandoned and forgotten I have to say:o

....but served a purpose at the time.

Writing is something that is a "seed in my mind" status these days, which might or might not germinate.

Trying to have that frame of mind about things, ie more "observer status" about unsatisfactory aspects of my life did have its (useful) place in that context though. If nothing else, being Observer did help with learning a lot about how other people think/react (always useful for a writer donchathink?).

These days the way in/a way in to getting books out there seems to be to put them up as a freebie e-book on Amazon and see whether people take it up. The other way seems to be to write a blog and have it "discovered" and a publisher comes knocking on the door wanting a book from it.

going_nowhere_fast

Hmmm only just discovered forums so not sure I'm up to blogging just yet!!

Trying to stay positive but it is hard. Anyone else an owner occupier surrounded by rental properties? You have a problem with their tenants anti social behavour and instead of trying to be helpful they basically say you are an idiot with nothing better to do than try and cause trouble. So not true, just want to be able to feel safe and happy at home. Nothing more. It's not much to ask.

moneyistooshorttomention

One of the (variety of) reasons why I felt I simply had to move was because I lived in an area of (basically) owner-occupied properties and many of them were gradually changing over to rented and I could see that some of them started to look a bit unkempt. Mind you...I had home-owners next door who were busily neglecting their house (in the years they were the people in residence there I only ever spotted one tiny little bit of home maintenance and that was obviously only before they got sued for creating an accident for passers-by:cool:) and then there was the nearby home-owner that was busily creating an absolutely terrible situation for nearby home-owners in total oblivion, it would appear, of JUST how drastic an effect he was going to have on their homes if he continued with it:eek: (errrm....he was "dealt with" in the event very firmly...but the effects of his actions could have been very drastic indeed!). That particular home-owner could have created such a bad situation that several home-owners (including me) could have found our houses were virtually unsaleable!!!!!!:eek: So it can well be either renters or home-owners imo that can create problems for responsible home-owners.

I could see that some renters were treating the place much the same as owner-occupiers would and generally being aware of being part of a community, but others weren't.

Personally, I like to see all surrounding homes with owner-occupiers in too and with similar values. That way I know exactly who is responsible for the way the house is and that there is a good chance they are as emotionally invested as I am in wanting to have a decent quality house to live in and reasonable community to have that house in.

I know where you're coming from here.

I know very well that many "home-owners" are having to rent these days as well due to no choice or fault of their own, but because (try as they might) it's simply not proven possible to buy their own place and I do feel very sympathetic towards people in that position (because I was a "home-owner" having to live in rented accommodation for 10 years after the point at which I had decided I was going to buy that "home" right now, but I couldn't because of inadequate financial situation for doing so).....so I do understand how you are thinking here.