How do you cope when you can't move?

suziqqq

Sorry to hear of your situation but moving to a better area does not guarantee you will get good neighbours. When we moved into our first house our neighbour came out with a tray of tea and biscuits to welcome us. We thought how nice but they had the child from hell who could do no wrong and soon turned aggressive if you dare to mention what her kid was doing. The husband threatened my husband with a knife at one point.
We stuck it out for 10 years as we couldnt afford to sell up and move.
We just ignored them and made the best of our own life.
I would also recommend you see your GP and tell them how you feel they will be able to help. Good luck

moneyistooshorttomention

True that there is always the chance of problem neighbours anywhere. Thankfully, most of the neighbours round here are just fine, but there's One and they are the nearest one to me:(. Thankfully they aren't noisy, just rather used to "lording it" with everyone else previously (both former owners of this house and other people in the road), which I rather put down to them having been able to out-think and therefore out-manoeuvre everyone else. The "iron fist" showed the other day when they couldn't get their way...but hopefully has permanently been put back inside the "velvet glove".

I am not so sure about seeing the GP though. Todays harried few minute slot type GP's would be more likely to dish out a prescription for tranquillizers and I am not personally convinced they work (but they do often have undesirable effects). Mind you, I've always taken the view that "What would be the point of them anyway, as the depression isnt (wasn't) down to me, it was down to external circumstances. Since when have anti-depressants had the power to change external circumstances?". It was suggested to many years ago that I should get myself pronounced as Having Depression, but I refused because I knew I didn't and am undecided as whether there is such a thing actually??, but knew I was just feeling down because of external circumstances (mainly housing).

I found it more positive to think "There are quite a few other people out there who expected/are due for better housing than this and, of those, there are some others like me who landed in those circumstances (ie rather than it being their fault)" and therefore I felt better knowing it wasn't something peculiar to myself having inadequate housing. I knew, in my case, I was a good money manager, but it was down to being single (ie only one poor salary to pay for the housing out of).

Pixie5740

When I lived in Glasgow and was an owner-occupier I had very noisy neighbours who made my life hell. I was tired all the time due to the noise they made at night.

Thankfully Glasgow City Council were great about it and after several months of collecting evidence my neighbours were served with ASBOs. Gathering the evidence and speaking with the council made me feel better as something was being done about it. Before that I remember being out in the street in my pyjamas at 2am ringing their doorbell. The council also gave the landlord and letting agency a kick up the !!!! as well.

My current neighbour is a noisy little !!!!. He is completely oblivious to the fact he lives in a flat. On Saturday afternoon I asked him to turn his music down as it was causing my furniture to vibrate. The other night I was awoken at 3:30 am when he had friends round.

I cope by imaging putting itching powder in his clothes when they are out on the washing line, or sugar in his petrol tank. I also go out when his tv is blaring, I can be out for hours and when I come back the tv is still on.

Thankfully I'm renting at the moment and his behavior has spurred me on to save for a detached house.

aileth

My sympathies, OP. I had very similar problems. When we used to be out in our back garden we became targets for footballs, we had kids hanging about on the steps that go up to our back garden (our steps- our boundary) who scraped pictures of penises into the brickwork on the side of the house and used it as a bike ramp, our next door neighbours used to have drum and bass on all the time and if they were in the back yard they would try and spy on us.

We tried to talk to them, but talking to them made them turn the music up, so I started making a log and then one night the music was so loud that the house felt like it was almost vibrating, so I called the noise line. Within 30 minutes had a Police Officer and Noise Officer round, listened to the noise in different rooms, then went round and gave them a bollocking. Never heard a peep from them after that and then they moved out six months later.

I'd recommend keeping a log and ringing the noise line for your council. I'd also invest in some good earplugs. All of it made me so on edge and very anxious and I grew really sensitive to any noise. We are end terrace and they used to climb over our fence and cut through our garden to get into theirs, as well as throwing rubbish/cans etc over our fence.

As for feral children/adults, I'd highly recommend getting some screening and sticking it up along the fence you have. If you can, plant climbing plants or some lovely pyracantha along it to block it out. I've seen some lovely little 'city' gardens where they've effectively created a little haven.

We grew pyracantha and raspberrys against our trellis and screening after finding out a woman behind us was scaling our fence, coming into our garden and pressing her face against the glass to look into our house while retrieving her son's football. Hasn't happened since

Pixie5740

aileth wrote: »

We grew pyracantha and raspberrys against our trellis and screening after finding out a woman behind us was scaling our fence, coming into our garden and pressing her face against the glass to look into our house while retrieving her son's football. Hasn't happened since

That is just bizarre. What a strange thing for your neighbour to do. :eek:

picket_fence

aileth wrote: »

We grew pyracantha and raspberrys against our trellis and screening after finding out a woman behind us was scaling our fence, coming into our garden and pressing her face against the glass to look into our house while retrieving her son's football. Hasn't happened since

:eek::eek::eek: that would scare the living whatsit out of me _pale_

aileth

picket_fence wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek: that would scare the living whatsit out of me _pale_

It was quite odd as I was on the sofa at the time, I turned around to our french windows to see this chubby red face staring in. Was very interesting seeing a grossly obese woman realising I was there and then proceeding to climb our bin and scale back over the fence.

She's a thoroughly nosy cow though. If you're walking down the road she will stop and stare at you, or hang out of her window of her house behind us and stare into our living room or us when we're in the garden.

She's stopped now thankfully. She seemed to embark on some pathetic campaign of intimidation but it really doesn't work on us. I was very anxious about it for a long while though.

As for coming in the garden, there must be some unknown public right of way I don't know of, as our next door neighbours used to use it as a cut-through after they were !!!!ed on a night out instead of walking 10 seconds extra around to their front door, there was her who let herself in when her son kicked a football in, and then kids frequently climb the wall and start p*ssing about.

going_nowhere_fast

I have a friend who bought her house, moved in and was very happy then found out there was a public right of way right through her front garden, round the side of her house and out through her back garden!!!! Her solicitors never told her about it which i would have expected them to highlight it to any buyer.

Aileth - i hope the situation has improved? Sounds awful for you.

I feel awful because i have a child and am paranoid that they will suddenly wake up to the fact we live in a not so nice area and become as unhappy as me. I tried to hide my frustration with the home situation.

I have informed the council about the noise. Im waiting to see if it works.

I have written a list of small changes i can make to save a few quid - every little helps as they say. Its frustrating because it wont reduce my debts by that much because im in it for the long haul.

aileth

Yes, it has improved. A lot of these people thrive on knowing they are 'getting to you.' I'm 99% convinced that the football was kicked into our garden so much and the parents allowed their kids to climb all over our garden all the time because they knew it was visibly annoying us and they seemed to love it.

We put on a brave face, smiled and acted like it wasn't getting under our skin and that seemed to really annoy them, so for example if they asked for the football back, instead of telling them off etc and giving it back, my OH would 'accidentally' throw it down the road, oh terribly sorry, the wind is awful, and then as they tore into him with a barrage of swearing he'd just smile sweetly, or the football would 'accidentally' have dog poo on it when we handed it back, and then when he got a torrent of abuse he'd smile sweetly and say, "Oh I am sorry, but we do have a dog you know, you're quite lucky that's all you've got as his favourite meal is child's footballs."

Bantex_2

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I need coping strategies for the emotional and mental side of things. When you are stuck in a cr"p area with horrible neighbours it affects how you feel - feel frustrated, and anxious. There must be millions of people in this situ (watched neighbours from hell on channel 4 the other week) so how do they cope. One poor couple had been struggling with some squatters next door for more than ten years!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is stopping you from selling up and moving?