How do you cope when you can't move?

going_nowhere_fast

dandan6666 wrote: »

Sorry to hear of your situation GNF. But good news that you are starting to get some of those debts cleared now.


One of the first things that came into my head whilst reading through this is how long have you been on your own? Could you potentially start to look at finding another relationship? If you then met someone else that could potentially speed things up for you moving out of where you are.
I know you said about a violent ex partner so maybe that has had an impact on you and so aren't looking for a new partner and because you have a little boy you are thinking that no one maybe interested.

I am not interested in a relationship. Am happy on my own (more children is something I would have liked though) and I would definately not be with someone for financial reasons. Alas in many many years only one man has made me feel even a tiny bit interested in a relationship but he wasn't interested back. I will get there on my own eventually!

going_nowhere_fast

lessonlearned wrote: »

Thank you - that's very kind.

The thing to remember is that - good or bad - nothing last forever.

If ive learned one thing through life it's the mantra "persistence pays off".

The people who go on to successfully overcome life's difficulties and hurdles are not necessarily the cleverest or the most accomplished or expensively educated, the people who survive and thrive are the ones wih staying power.

Sometimes all you have to do is hold on tight and ride it out.

You are clearing debts, that's the first step, get them off your back and then you will have more options.

You say you've got a year to go, that will pass in no time.

You are right. I keep reminding myself I've come along way in the last couple of years, must keep going

going_nowhere_fast

lessonlearned wrote: »

Don't panic, bide your time. Keep an eye on a number of different areas. Watch and learn. The signs can be subtle but with time you can spot an area changing.

I first began selling houses in the 1970s. Ive come to,the conclusion that areas wax and wane in popularity over time.

Ive seen good areas go into sharp decline and bad areas imorove.

Ive seen one area that was bad, went to good, and then to uber fashionable and white hot, now it's on the slide again. All in the space of 40 years.

I bought when it was good and sold when it became über fashionable. I viewed several properties there recently but decided not to buy.

Not everyone can spot it's on the slide but the signs are there if you care to look, they always are. Subtle to be sure but it's the little things that add up.

The area next to it which rode on its coat tails and benefitted from the "ripple effect" is still very popular but I wouldn't buy there either. It's over valued, the schools are under pressure and it can only go one way.

Sometimes an area can become a victim of its own success.

What are these subtle signs? I read another thread on here where the OP was asking what signs to look out for and the replies they had were silly, things like look out for burned out cars and boarded up houses!!!!!

going_nowhere_fast

lisa110rry wrote: »

Dear GNF,

I haven't read all of this thread, but a good deal of it. I'd like to highlight the comment about changing your user name for a new, more positive one! (You could always put "the member formerly known as..." in your signature.)

It seems to me you have a great attitude toward moving forward, maybe "moving forward" would be a good username? Of course you're going to have down times, but you know you have lots of people out there whom you've never even met who are willing you and your child to win!!!

I don't know to change my username - might do that this evening.

PS. Am not always positive, sometimes I get fed up!

lessonlearned

Subtle signs ..........oh dear I am going to get flamed. :rotfl:

Some of the following will be common sense, some will sound like nitpicking, some will sound outrageously snobby.

Here goes......

It always starts with the communal areas and shared spaces being neglected, when residents stop having any sense of communal responsibility or civic pride, when people forget how to,be good neighbours, when people insist on "keeping themselves to,themselves"' when no,one speaks to,the elderly widow in the corner house, where residents pass each other in the street without speaking ........

The streets start to look unkempt. No one bothers to pick up litter. They leave it to,the council "why should I, I pay my council tax for that".......

People leaving their wheelie bins out the front, cluttering up,pavements, even when they have perfectly good alternative places, back jitties and entry ways for access etc.

Areas which once boasted window boxes, hanging baskets, planted containers etc getting left untended. Gardens being left uncultivated, front gardens becoming car parks. Back gardens being turned into "low maintenance" spaces, ending up looking little better than prison exercise yards.

The area where I once lived in its heyday and where I recently went to view a couple of properties is a classic case in point. It is a conservation area, the centre of which has a large number of grade II listed buildings. There are two lovely squares, each with pretty cottages on three sides, no gardens although some have rear courtyard gardens. Each square has a central shared communal space for use by the residents.

In days gone by each cottage was festooned with window boxes, hanging baskets, flowers and plants everywhere. The centre shared spaces were always immaculate, litter and weed free, even though they were always well used, with people sitting out in fine weather, impromptu picnics and BBQs etc.

The council did not maintain these spaces the residents took it upon themselves, weeding, picking litter, planting and tending all those flowers.

Now there are few flowers, there are a couple of rusting BBQs, the paths are choked with fallen leaves and weeds, outdoor furniture has not been treated with preservative and has been allowed to rot.......

The village was a victim of its own success. The area grew in popularity and house prices rocketed, soon the only people who could afford it were the nouveau riche and wannabees.

People who wanted the lifestyle but had no idea of shared responsibilitiy, committment or even neighbourliness. The ambiance, the relaxed atmosphere, the friendliness and the prettiness which had attracted them in the first place they destroyed through neglect.

Most people haven't cottoned on to it yet, the area is still regarded highly but the slide has begun. The properties that come onto the market are now always overpriced, they are starting to languish unsold. This would have been unheard of a few years ago.

The village is still highly regarded, it might still be fashionable but the rot has begun.

Conversley you can see when an area has begun its journey from grottsville to hotspot. It starts to smarten itself up, what is often disparagingly called "gentrification".

When I worked as an EA one of my old bosses had a saying which summed it up - "it (ie the area in question) has started to wash behind its ears".

moneyistooshorttomention

I rather agree with that LessonLearned.

My last area hadn't struck me as suffering from graffiti/litter/etc when I moved in. However - that sort of thing gradually started up happening. I was usually the one who picked up litter and reported flytipping/graffiti to the local Council (who were pretty good at dealing with it promptly - once they had been told).

When I went back Home for a visit some months back I was expecting to see that no-one else had "taken on the mantle" and taken over from me re doing this and, if that were the case, then I would spot a lot more of this than had been allowed to accumulate in my time there. I walked through the area and it was indeed quite clear that no-one seemed to have taken over keeping an eye on things and there was a LOT of litter around, etc.

In reverse - there is a spot near me now that has obviously been a positive magnet for littering for quite some time. I've been working away at getting it cleared-up and I think the message has got home now to a large extent "Litter not allowed here now" and its much better than it was.

Another thing I've noticed where I am now is the sheer number of work vans/etc that are turning up in my immediate vicinity here these days and there seems to be a lot of pretty major work being done on some houses near me - which is all to the good. I'm not exactly displeased at the thought that workmen must be getting given directions to my road these days as "You know - its the one with all the work going on there...".