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How do you cope when you can't move?

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  • plumfin
    plumfin Posts: 427 Forumite
    Sounds like you have a good chance to talk to and get to know your better neighbours - will that help you feel less isolated?

    Perhaps if you all team up, maybe socialise a little, the difficult ones may realise and change? Perhaps a distant hope (and maybe unrealistic) but you are clearly not alone in your road/street and that must give you hope and heart for the near future.

    Why not see if your good neighbours want to plan a low cost get together at Christmas to get things going - it may help you with a goal as well; working to deadlines (in my experience anyway) makes the time fly by, closer to your chance to move on..

    Good luck,I hope it starts to really feel better for you.
  • going_nowhere_fast
    going_nowhere_fast Posts: 409 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited 2 November 2014 at 10:32PM
    Lovely idea plumfin but sadly not going to happen.

    Because the nice neighbours know the bad ones, even though they do not like them they are reluctant to get involved with complaints which I respect and can understand. It doesn't help me knowing other people are affected too and feel the same as me because I still feel alone with the problems within my own four walls if you know what I mean.

    There are a few nice neighbours on my street who chat to me but a lot keep themselves to themselves. Where I live is one of those areas where if all the good people got together they could make a difference but its not like that, there is no community spirit, no looking out for one another. I don't understand it. That kind of attitude (only looking out for themselves and not engaging with fellow nice neighbours) hinders improving an area in my opinion.

    What I have noticed is whereas I have a strong sense of "this is not good enough for me" and "I absolutely must get my child away from this area and these kind of people" (its an area that suffers with anti social behaviour and problem families in general), the nice families on my street just accept this is their lot and have no plan or ambition to create a better life for them or their children, there is no plan or ambition to move to an area that is not blighted by anti social behaviour and drugs. I don't understand that, I am by no means financially better off than them so if I can do it do it so can they.

    The difficult neighbours will not change. They are people with no respect for each other or even their own children. What I have heard through these walls has shocked me. They are fundamentally ignorant people.
  • Perhaps some of the nicer neighbours there have had the "stuffing knocked out of them" or maybe never had that much "stuffing" (ie strength of will, self-belief) in the first place?

    It sounds like you are very determined and good for you for being so.

    One thing I tend to think is that most people get so tied-up in internal "family matters" and/or go in for escapism in a variety of ways (lots of tv/lots of holidays away/drown themselves in drink/etc/etc) that their focus isn't on improving their lot. Each to their own on that and I can understand that...but veer more towards "improving my lot" personally.

    Maybe the difference between you and them is your strong feeling of "I don't BELONG here"??
  • Perhaps some of the nicer neighbours there have had the "stuffing knocked out of them" or maybe never had that much "stuffing" (ie strength of will, self-belief) in the first place?

    It sounds like you are very determined and good for you for being so.

    One thing I tend to think is that most people get so tied-up in internal "family matters" and/or go in for escapism in a variety of ways (lots of tv/lots of holidays away/drown themselves in drink/etc/etc) that their focus isn't on improving their lot. Each to their own on that and I can understand that...but veer more towards "improving my lot" personally.

    Maybe the difference between you and them is your strong feeling of "I don't BELONG here"??

    You make some very valid comments. People do tend to spend money and focus their mind on treats and escapism, have done it myself and learnt the hard way all it does is delay you being in a financial position to actually change your life in the long term.

    You are spot on with me feeling like I don't 'belong' here. I moved here from a nice area so all the areas problems stand out like a neon sign to me whereas people who are 'used' to living here don't like it but don't see the extent of the areas problems.

    I lay in bed last night listening to two grown men literally fighting shouting and swearing on their way home from the pub, instead of getting me down it motivated me to keep on working towards that goal.

    I've previously had the police helicopter aiming his search light down my street looking for some one, that actually made me laugh!
  • Finding it hard again now. My neighbours never sleep, so neither do I. Ear plugs just muffle the noise not block it out completely. I'm tired and utterly fed up.

    I've been chatting to some one at the council who said that my problem neighbours are mild compared to some they see. Doesn't feel like that though when you're living through it.

    Some of the problems are apparently acceptable I need to be more tolerant - getting home drunk at 2am most mornings (including week nights) then shouting screaming and swearing at high volume is part of everyday living and is their right to reasonable enjoyment and use of their home. Seems I'm on my own in thinking if you're neighbours can hear and its something easily fixed then you should be legally obliged to keep the noise down.

    I could cry right now.

    Times like these it feels like we will be stuck here forever.
  • I've a vague idea that there is some sort of legal obligation to keep the noise down between 11pm and 7am??? But I may be wrong on that...worth having a google, if only to confront unbelieving Council officials with.

    I must say, I would rather take a comment like that (ie of being told it was "normal") and translate that in my own mind into "Wonder what sort of background they came from then?". Perhaps its just that particular Council official has come from a background where they genuinely do believe personally that that behaviour is normal? Is there some other Council official you could talk to there instead that has come from a more normal background and therefore wouldn't try telling you that "abnormal" is "normal"?
  • I don't mean to be rude/blunt, but do you work?


    If not, perhaps getting a job/volunteering & being away from the house all day and in a routine would help things.


    Try to cheer you surroundings up with some flowers & photos that make you smile. You can get cheap candles from the pound shop too.


    Do you own your house, if so have you considered renting it out and you rent somewhere else in town?


    Have you thought about talking to your Doctor about how you feel?


    If it really is hell on earth and you really cannot stand it there then why not sell? Surely your happiness is worth more than money.
  • I am wincing slightly at this - though I understand its well-intentioned.

    OP does own her house. I do know that making a house look nice/feel homey isnt likely to work when you know there is supposed to be "peace and quiet" because its time to sleep, but you cant because of the blimmin' neighbours apparently not giving a damn about that fact. I've had my own times of knowing its sleep time and I'm supposed to have quiet to sleep in, but that quiet has been absent because of selfish neighbours...so I do know where OP is coming from here. I also know about the "nerves on edge syndrome" of "They are quiet right now...but, for all I know, they could start kicking off again any minute now" and its not possible to relax, even when it is quiet.....just in case....

    Been there...done that....

    Also dont know exactly how strongly OP feels about this, but there are many home-owners out there who think "Right I am a home-owner now at last...and that IS how it stays" and literally wouldnt contemplate going back into rented...because "We've got what we've got and we ARE keeping it". I dont know about OP's family, but my mothers side of my family have been home-owners for generations and once you have that...then you just dont give it up..even temporarily.
  • Thanks for responding to that.

    Ive spoken to two council officials, police, and my doctor - there seems to be a loop hole in the law that enables people to make as much noise as they want and at whatever time they want if it involves domestic fights and drunken shouting as long as they are inside their house and any verbal abuse is directed at one another. The music is some thing they are dealing with at least. I think maybe the music was masking the screaming etc before.

    Dr today said get out of this area as quickly as you can afford to. Told them I'm working on it.

    Christmas gifts are now all done and all on a budget, half what I spent last year. Am pleased with myself. I explained to everyone my situation and they understood.
  • ]I don't mean to be rude/blunt, but do you work? - yes I do


    If not, perhaps getting a job/volunteering & being away from the house all day and in a routine would help things. - you clearly haven't read this thread so don't understand the problems


    Try to cheer you surroundings up with some flowers & photos that make you smile. You can get cheap candles from the pound shop too.- flowers and photos will not help


    Do you own your house, if so have you considered renting it out and you rent somewhere else in town? - of course I have, it is not an option for several reasons


    Have you thought about talking to your Doctor about how you feel? - already done this


    If it really is hell on earth and you really cannot stand it there then why not sell? Surely your happiness is worth more than money - I'd like to sell, where do you propose I get the money from to do that

    There is no quick fix, I post because I feel alone in this situation and need a way to cope while I work towards selling up and moving.
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