How do you cope when you can't move?

Anouchka

The horrible truth is that you're not alone - so so many of us do not have the neighbours we would wish for. My own experience is as follows.
I have lived in my shared-ownership flat since 1999, for most of those years I have lived here quite happily. Unfortunately the shared-ownership flat above me is being sublet to a couple who have two young children. The noise is dreadful, the children rarely leave the flat and of course, they run about all day. It's a modern build and I assume the soundproofing in this flat isn't very good however the police told me that there is a very heavy wooden rocker and an adult-sized trampoline in their living room and I believe this as I hear it for most of the day! The woman has also been verbally aggressive. My flat has been rendered virtually unlivable in - well if I wanted any quality of life whatsoever. I am a bank nurse but never take night shifts anymore because there's no way I would be able to get any sleep in the day. I no longer have freinds round because it wouldn't be enjoyable with all this row going on and tbh it's embarrassing.
I have tried everything I could think of. The co-owner refuses to speak about this. The sublet has gone on way longer (2.5 years longer) than the housing association allow (max of 12 months) but they consistently refuse to take any action. In fact in response to my latest letter to them, they kindly offered to allow me to buy another of their shared ownership properties if I decided to sell this one! The Antisocial Noise Officer from the Council has spoken to me and to them but if anything the noise from upstairs has intensified since his visit. He agreed to speak with them again but I knew that wouldn't make a scrap of difference. My next step was to retaliate by throwing a ball at the ceiling. My neighbour's response was to call the police immediately and toclaim I was victimising her. She obviously enjoyed what was a very quick response from the police and proceeded to call them 6 more times over a five week period. Fortunately on two of these occasions I was able to prove I wasn't even in the flat when she claimed I was victimising her (fortunately my partner is a retired PC himself and the police seem to me to be prepared to take his word more readily than mine) but they have informed me that they will respond each time she calls because she claims she is being intimidated and the children are suffering. I can see that in many instances a speedy response is highly desirable but it now feels she has her own private police force - she calls and says anything she likes knowing that shortly they'll arrive in their big and obvious vehicle (so all the street can "summise" what's going on) and they visit me. She also claims to be a vulnerable single parent despite her husband being in the bedroom (three times, to my knowledge, the police have been aware of this) when they visit.
I've exhausted every avenue and don't feel safe or happy in my home. My flat is now up for sale and I am moving in with my partner in a couple of weeks.
I know I am very lucky to have somewhere to go but although I'm trying not to (because it's not good for me) I cann't help but feel so upset that one person (it's primarily the woman upstairs) has been allowed to turn my life upside down and it transpires no one was able/willing to help me. I also feel rotten selling this flat on as I know her behaviour isn't going to stop when I leave. I am also desparately hoping no one notices that theirs is the only bin shed on this street without a door, that there is often rubbish spilling out of it and that their front door has obviously been battered about and is very badly in need of a coat of paint.
I really feel for anyone stuck in a horrible living situation - I know exactly what it's like.... it can be Hellish.

Upsidedown_Bear

OP - you have my sympathy. Problem neighbours can be a nightmare I know.

Some very good advice for you on here.
This might be useful for you too

http://www.noisyneighbours.net/

going_nowhere_fast

Anouchka wrote: »

The horrible truth is that you're not alone - so so many of us do not have the neighbours we would wish for. My own experience is as follows.
I have lived in my shared-ownership flat since 1999, for most of those years I have lived here quite happily. Unfortunately the shared-ownership flat above me is being sublet to a couple who have two young children. The noise is dreadful, the children rarely leave the flat and of course, they run about all day. It's a modern build and I assume the soundproofing in this flat isn't very good however the police told me that there is a very heavy wooden rocker and an adult-sized trampoline in their living room and I believe this as I hear it for most of the day! The woman has also been verbally aggressive. My flat has been rendered virtually unlivable in - well if I wanted any quality of life whatsoever. I am a bank nurse but never take night shifts anymore because there's no way I would be able to get any sleep in the day. I no longer have freinds round because it wouldn't be enjoyable with all this row going on and tbh it's embarrassing.
I have tried everything I could think of. The co-owner refuses to speak about this. The sublet has gone on way longer (2.5 years longer) than the housing association allow (max of 12 months) but they consistently refuse to take any action. In fact in response to my latest letter to them, they kindly offered to allow me to buy another of their shared ownership properties if I decided to sell this one! The Antisocial Noise Officer from the Council has spoken to me and to them but if anything the noise from upstairs has intensified since his visit. He agreed to speak with them again but I knew that wouldn't make a scrap of difference. My next step was to retaliate by throwing a ball at the ceiling. My neighbour's response was to call the police immediately and toclaim I was victimising her. She obviously enjoyed what was a very quick response from the police and proceeded to call them 6 more times over a five week period. Fortunately on two of these occasions I was able to prove I wasn't even in the flat when she claimed I was victimising her (fortunately my partner is a retired PC himself and the police seem to me to be prepared to take his word more readily than mine) but they have informed me that they will respond each time she calls because she claims she is being intimidated and the children are suffering. I can see that in many instances a speedy response is highly desirable but it now feels she has her own private police force - she calls and says anything she likes knowing that shortly they'll arrive in their big and obvious vehicle (so all the street can "summise" what's going on) and they visit me. She also claims to be a vulnerable single parent despite her husband being in the bedroom (three times, to my knowledge, the police have been aware of this) when they visit.
I've exhausted every avenue and don't feel safe or happy in my home. My flat is now up for sale and I am moving in with my partner in a couple of weeks.
I know I am very lucky to have somewhere to go but although I'm trying not to (because it's not good for me) I cann't help but feel so upset that one person (it's primarily the woman upstairs) has been allowed to turn my life upside down and it transpires no one was able/willing to help me. I also feel rotten selling this flat on as I know her behaviour isn't going to stop when I leave. I am also desparately hoping no one notices that theirs is the only bin shed on this street without a door, that there is often rubbish spilling out of it and that their front door has obviously been battered about and is very badly in need of a coat of paint.
I really feel for anyone stuck in a horrible living situation - I know exactly what it's like.... it can be Hellish.

What I don't understand is that if you are living in a flat or a terraced house, you have to be more considerate to your neighbours. If you want cinema surround sound or a trampoline in your front room move to a detached house!! I love having loud music on, i love watching a film in bed in the winter but I don't do either because living in a terraced house the sound would travel to next door so I try to be more considerate.

I dream of one day being able to buy a detached house. Even if its only tiny, at least it's detached and not noisey.

I'm so sorry you've had to move. I can't believe nobody has dealt with your neighbour. What happened to good old common sense.

going_nowhere_fast

Upsidedown_Bear wrote: »

OP - you have my sympathy. Problem neighbours can be a nightmare I know.

Some very good advice for you on here.
This might be useful for you too

http://www.noisyneighbours.net/

Thanks for the link, there is a forum all about noisy neighbours. I live in a 200 year old house which has thin walls. Foolishly I thought new builds were better at sound proofing - certainly when i have visited other people who live in new build houses i've not heard a peep from their neighbours no matter what day or time i visit but according to this site new builds are terrible for sound proofing. Shocked.

going_nowhere_fast

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

The only problem with staying out of the house for so long is you have to come back home again. Noisy anti social neighbours making my life hell.

Still spend my days looking at my financies - still no way to clear debts and save up a deposit to move.

Still not won the lottery either....

moneyistooshorttomention

I think there might be some pretty good noise-blocking out headphones around?? Worth investigating to see.

I know....just why should you use anything/pay for anything when it's their problem, not yours and its not fair.

But I wonder whether that might be worth investigating. When I was in a terrace house the neighbours weren't that bad comparatively-speaking, but my own norm is detached house noise levels (ie no neighbours noise at all) and I therefore cant handle any noise in my own home at all. So, I did buy earplugs for those times when noise was coming through and it helped.

If it had been regular "major noise" then I would have investigated the possibility of using headphones whilst I waited to move.

EDIT: and I do relate to your post about people should realise and adjust their noise levels accordingly if having to live in a terrace house (no surround sound or films in the bedroom) and I was always very conscious about this myself and music was kept at low level/machines weren't used at night/etc, but some people are selfish and just don't think that way.

going_nowhere_fast

I totally understand about earplugs and headphones and as a single person that would be fine but it's not really acceptable if you have to ask your children to do that. That's what has really made me so unhappy, my child having to put up with it because I can't move us to somewhere better.

I really don't know how I'm going to get through the next 10 years living round here and realistically that is how long it is going to take for me to clear debts and save up something towards a moving house fund. It's a shame because a few problem familes make a not so great area feel really bad. Without them although it wouldn't be fantastic it would be bearable. I've had to complain (I know, I know people say don't because it devalues your house but if you cant move for literally years then you either have to put up with it or say something to try and improve the situation) about some issues and it's gone down like a lead balloon. Why do I feel guilty when I'm not the person behaving inappropriately?!

I visited a college to see if there were any courses I could do distance learning or part time to work on the skills and experience I already have because I want to increase my earning potential and ability to apply for better jobs in the future. I was told by the college that what i earn isn't a bad wage, they earn the same as me and I should be grateful. Then they concluded the interview. I asked if I could get help towards the cost of courses and was told no, there is no help available to anybody anymore. Then they said they had another appointment and thanked me for coming. That was helpful...or maybe not.

I have friends who live in a not so great area, ok you would consider it rough. The pound shop has it's own security guard because it gets stolen from that often, the doctors, supermarket etc all have signs up saying you can't go in if you're still in your pjs.....get the picture? But because it's an area I'm familiar with and because whenever i visit their house and garden are beautifully quiet i feel like i would be happy living there. Is that daft? I mean it's not area I would chose to live in but because people in this area have made it so unbearable all of a sudden it feels really attractive.

moneyistooshorttomention

I get that and I would be wondering what was going on if there were having to be signs up not to tell people to be so inappropriately dressed as to wear their pyjamas when out. Its a bit of an indictment for the area you are in that an area that has to tell people to observe basic rules of conduct comes over to you as better.

One other way of looking at things is to think as to how many people are not living in places and/or areas of their totally free choice.

Given a totally free choice, then most people would live in their own home area and in the same level of house their parents had (unless they are particularly ambitious or their parents were particularly "laid back" - in which case make that "possibly a higher standard house than their parents had").

Looking at it...my suspicion is a heck of a lot of people cant manage to "keep what they already have" iyswim (ie that home area/same standard as parents house) and there is either some adaptation or a "battle to progress" on their hands and they are having to cope with one or the other of those scenarios and make the best of things.

This, in no way, denigrates your wish for "what you are used to", as I fully understand that one..:cool::(...but maybe a "handle" for how to manage "not having what you're used to" that little bit better iyswim....?? is "There's many people in the same boat" and it does help not to feel "singled out" for an involuntary downshift iyswim.

I had to choose between the type of house my parents have and my home area personally, though I would like to have/feel I should have both, but "needs must" was the scenario and a choice had to be made. So bed made and had to lie on it and am trying to think positively that at some point in the near future I might think "Oh well it was all for the best in the event".

Yep....life ain't fair (damn it! why not?).

Life eh?

going_nowhere_fast

Felt on top of the world today, thought of your post and of Martin's saying think not how can i afford that detached house on my low income, and instead what can I afford on my low income.

I dream of owning a detached house - totally unachievable

I'd like a semi detached house - highly likely to ever be achievable

In a few years I will be able to afford to swap my tiny terrace in a rubbish area for a tiny terrace an average area.

Then tonight I walked past a terraced house that had music blaring like it was a flippin nightclub which reminded me why I am desperate to move out of a terraced house - whenever they come up for sale they seem to get snapped up by landlords who rent them out to people, they don't care about what kind of people they put in the house next to you, they just want their rent every month.

Is it ever possible to buy a terraced house where you are unlikely to be adversely affected if next door is rented out?

I know you can get nice or bad neighbours whatever house you live in but when you are in a terraced house you are in very close proximity so it is/would be unbearable.

NaskoZmeq

Just don't give up at your dreams, they can't run forever.