How do you cope when you can't move?

lessonlearned

If you really are tied to where you are (I'm assuming you have little equity) then you can make a few improvements to your quality of life - all in true MSE fashion without spending too much money.

Those thin walls.

Cheapest method is ear plugs to help you sleep. Wax ones seem to work better than the foam ones. When you don't want to sleep but just don't want to hear your neighbours then play music to drown out their noise. Don't play it too loudly though you don't want to cause friction. You cannot afford to have a neighbour dispute because it will affect your chances of selling when the time comes.

If you have a bit of money to spare you could sound proof the party walls. If money is tight even putting wardrobes and/or bookcases against the party walls would help soften the sound a little. Rugs/quilts and fabrics against the wall will also muffle sound.

Quiet enjoyment of your garden.

Wear headphones so you don't hear the noisy neighbours. Try and make your garden private - cheap hedging or screening so you can't see them and they can't see you. A water feature can also help block out unpleasant noise. Solar powered ones are cheap and don't need any electrical work.

You say the area is deprived. Is it likely to go further downhill or is there any chance that it could improve with time. 6 years could see an improvement that makes "sitting it out" pay dividends.

If it is likely to go further downhill it may be better to sell now, and use any equity to reduce your debts and start afresh.

Then of course there are all the usual MSE type things you can do. In a nutshell cut your spending and try and earn a bit more. There are loads of helpful folk on the Debt Free Boards , the Boost Your Income and the Old Style boards.

You can clear debts, improve your credit rating, get some savings behind you and move to a better area - it just takes time, effort and patience.

You say 6 years to get debt free. If you really put your mind to it you might find you can reduce that timescale. My OH and I once thought it would take 6 years to get debt free - we did it in 3.

Look at the positives - you like your house. Just concentrate on that and make it cosy, comfortable and pleasant to be in, forgetting about the neighbourhood.

When it all gets too much and you crave beauty and peace then take yourself off to a nice park or if the weather is bad then visit a museum or an art gallery. Make yourself a picnic and it will cost you nothing, except perhaps either petrol or your bus fare to get there.

Finally, with a bit of luck your neighbours might move.;) Problem solved…...

SophieH123

I really feel for you. I was in that same position and it was awful. The estate we lived on was so rough and it was a nightmare for me. Hubby didn't seem to think it was as bad as I did as he was out to work every day, whereas I worked from home. School holidays were the worst as the kids round there were feral! We never had a chance to enjoy the garden due to screaming rows and stuff going on all around.

We decided only way out for us was to work really hard and make massive mortgage overpayments for 3-4 years. We finally cleared the mortgage and sold up to the local housing association. We took a pretty big hit on the value of the house and what they paid us but it had got to the stage where we didn't really care anymore.

Nearly 2 months on after escaping I can honestly say we have never been happier. School holidays don't fill me with dread anymore and every day it's a pleasure to be here. Definitely don't give up on your dreams of escaping, it can be done.

Good luck :T

moneyistooshorttomention

jaylee3 wrote: »

There comes a time when bankruptcy is the only option.

Have you thought of this?

You could start afresh immediately.

So you can't borrow, or get credit, and your credit record will be on the skids. But will you actually be any worse off? You say you are looking at being in debt for at least 6 years anyway.

Maybe OP doesn't want to offload HER problems onto other peoples shoulders and cause them to feel frustrated with their lives because she hasn't paid them back their money?

OP - My sympathies. I've been there/done that/got the teeshirt. I did things like focus my attention outside the area to outside interests over a wider "field". Maybe there's some nice places not too far away that you can go for walks in? Maybe there are some people like you living in the area (some of whom might even be there by choice)?

My last area was rather "mixed", so it helped that there were people like me living there too and I could see there were people nearby with similar tastes/outlook on life/etc and having some friendly faces around helped me wait it out.

I did have to wait it out for a LONG time...way longer than was remotely reasonable..but that was how the cookie crumbled. I've had to move on retirement to have a reasonable house/area, as I realised that I couldn't cope with having to spend any of my retirement still "trapped" there. I guess its a sign of the state of the economy that I have found myself meeting up with other incomers who couldn't afford "their" house in "their" area and have had to choose which to have, as it wasn't possible to have both. Must be where the "ripple effect" comes from I guess in big cities, ie people cant afford "their" area, so buy the next one over and so "up it goes" and then the next people buy the next area over......

I've "rippled" one heck of a distance away, after contemplating houses in the nearby My Type of Town and realising I couldn't even afford the nearby town that had become the "ripple area" for people who had decided to live in My Type of Town but couldn't afford it, so were living about 6 miles from it instead.

...and then there's the place one side of my family came from, but I haven't got a spare £1 million!!! (the place has gone so upmarket since my family's time).

Good luck with finding a way.

Campervanman

It sounds like you are feeling out of control of the situation. What you need is to make and then follow a plan. There is a set of actions you can make about the debts, a set of actions around minimising the impact of neighbours, a set of actions around how and where you spend your time outside the home etc . Setting out a plan of action puts you back firmly in control, you know what you are doing to get where you what to go. Actually just planning is a feel good activity. Put a timeline against the actions and tick them off as you achieve them. Make 'quick wins' and things that are achievable ('do not buy coffee at the station on way to work and save £3 a day' is more do-able than 'save some money this week'). Once you know where you are going and you are on route and you have done some of the things in other posts to minimise the current situation then nobody - noisy neighbours etc can put you off. Report back so you dont feel you are going it alone. Good luck, sounds like you deserve it.

Jes0rKah

OP - one thought came to me, have you got any allotments in your area? That might be somewhere you could go to substitute the sitting outside, plus there's often really nice people to chat to (in my experience anyway). Plus it would save you pennies on fruit & veg in the long run. :-) and people often spend whole days there!

Hope you find something that helps either way. Good luck!

dancingfairy

I'd just like to point out that bankrutpcy does not necessarily mean you'd loose the house. The Official receiver is likely to be interested in it only if there is equity in it. If there is little or no equity then they may not be interested. Also you should be given the option to buy the beneficial interest back.
It might be worth speaking to one of the debt charities such as National Debtline or Stepchange. If you want help and advice on living with debts and making things go further then I'd suggest debtfreewannabe or even the oldstye board for cutting down on food and making homemade food/presents etc.
df

going_nowhere_fast

SophieH123 wrote: »

I really feel for you. I was in that same position and it was awful. The estate we lived on was so rough and it was a nightmare for me. Hubby didn't seem to think it was as bad as I did as he was out to work every day, whereas I worked from home. School holidays were the worst as the kids round there were feral! We never had a chance to enjoy the garden due to screaming rows and stuff going on all around.

We decided only way out for us was to work really hard and make massive mortgage overpayments for 3-4 years. We finally cleared the mortgage and sold up to the local housing association. We took a pretty big hit on the value of the house and what they paid us but it had got to the stage where we didn't really care anymore.

Nearly 2 months on after escaping I can honestly say we have never been happier. School holidays don't fill me with dread anymore and every day it's a pleasure to be here. Definitely don't give up on your dreams of escaping, it can be done.

Good luck :T

Glad to hear someone escaped!! There's hope for me yet then.
I hope you don't mind me asking but during the time period you were making large overpayments on your mortgage, did you have to just stay at home more and try to block the neighbours/neighbourhood out?

going_nowhere_fast

Jes0rKah wrote: »

OP - one thought came to me, have you got any allotments in your area? That might be somewhere you could go to substitute the sitting outside, plus there's often really nice people to chat to (in my experience anyway). Plus it would save you pennies on fruit & veg in the long run. :-) and people often spend whole days there!

Hope you find something that helps either way. Good luck!

THAT is a very good idea!! I'll enquire about that.

going_nowhere_fast

Thank you for all your replies, I know I don't know you but it means a lot and stops me feeling alone in an unhappy situation.

In response to some of your questions/comments.

The noise inside my house no amount of shuffling furniture etc will change. I did not want to cause friction with neighbours by complaining and if i was moving in a short while i wouldn't have but because i know it will be years i have had to bite the bullet and speak out. It's scary stuff standing up to people who are unreasonable/inconsiderate of other people but I've had to do it.

I don't have a garden, i live in a terraced house so just as small back yard but i have put trellis up to make it private and apart from the noise it is quite nice. I think the headphones idea is a a good idea and I will enquire about an allotment. Could be someone to spend the day although I'm presuming there will be waiting lists.

We do spend a lot of time away from the house/area. We go out all day to the park with a picnic, get in the car and drive somewhere else but we have to come back for bedtime and it's at bedtime when the neighbours really excel themselves. Hopefully my complaining will eventually see that change.

It's amazing how just a handful of people can totally change an area from being a poor but ok one to being an absolutely horrible place to spend your time.

I agree about feeling out of control. If I knew that six months hard saving would have me out of here i'd be living off beans on toast for that time because there is a goal at the end but when the goal is many, many years away it makes me feel defeated.

I think I am going to draw myself a plan of action and stick it somewhere I can see it on a daily basis to keep me spurred on.

I've got an appointment with a college to see if there is anything I can do distance learning (all I can do because of working hours and child care) because I know I need to increase my earnings but not sure how to do it. I had a look at doing some basic data entry work etc from home in the evenings to top up my income but for hours and hours work you earn a few quid, deduct tax, ni and then reduction in tax credits and there was no point. You aren't guaranteed how many hours work you will get so I could over estimate or under estimate my income for tax credits purposes so think it's not a viable option. Fingers crossed college will be able to give me some good advice. I've always done secretarial / administrative work but the pay just isn't enough if I want to move and improve our standard of living.

SophieH123

Well done for speaking to the neighbours, I hope the situation improves for you now that you have.


It's good that you manage to get out of the house/area with trips to the park and stuff. That was something we tried to do too. We used to go geocaching as it often meant going to nice places, and having a good walk with a purpose. One thing I found tough was not wanting to just leave the house for a walk as I hated the area and didn't feel particularly safe.


Definitely having a plan in place will help as it'll give you something to aim for. Good luck with it, it'll be worth it in the end I'm sure.