How do you cope when you can't move?

going_nowhere_fast

Have i made an ok choice financially when i bought this house?

Ive found out that almost everyone round here rents and im wondering if that means i messed up by buying.

Bought house for £80k and have spent around £5k improving it
Mortgage is £223 a month
If i was to sell now housf would be worth £70k as a buy to let or around £75k for a first time buyer - am making these estimates based on advice from local estate agents

To rent a tiny house like mine is between £450 and £475 a month and the houses are never as nice as mine as obviously i maintain and decorate mine

Have i messed up or is the fact that my mortgage is half what it would cost to rent mean that ive made an ok choice?

I know this is a pointless question but am asking anyway!!

going_nowhere_fast

As usual am day dreaming with my friend your move and it occured to me that when im finally in a position to move i will move from a terraced but am likely to end up in a semi detached in the not so brilliant streets again because my budget is never going to be big enough to get a really really nice part of any area. Hmm going to be tricky when it comes to picking somewhere. Would help if i could pick an area at least but i have a few areas i would consider to ensure we moved somewhere reasonable.

going_nowhere_fast

Have been re-reading everyone elses experiences because i needed reminding other people escaped and i will do too one day.

My neighbours tv is on so loud i can hear it over my own.

The anxiety i feel being in this house had reached a point that im going to speak to a doctor tomorrow about it. I cant sleep, cant eat, have knotts in my stomach and ive had the trotts for days (sorry tmi). Im like this the whole time im home. If im out somewhere it kicks in as soon as approach the area and gets worse the closer i get to my house.

I have a plan - just need to find the patience now.

As my anxiety has increased im finding that my ears and mind focus on the negatives (the noise) for example instead of my mind focussing on listening to my tv and ignoring the background noise instead im automatically focus on next doors tv so cant concentrate on my own.

Upsidedown_Bear

I know exactly what you mean about approaching home and the anxiety kicking in. I had years of living somewhere like that. Had to get the police involved - who were great - and the problems mostly stopped but I never lost that awful anxious feeling when going home or being at home.

And then a new neighbour moved in who liked loud music :mad: I had to say something eventually as it was making me ill and they were mostly quiet until I moved out.

You have my sympathy because I know how miserable and powerless it made me feel.

Do talk to your doctor to see if they can recommend anything.

Can't remember if you've said but have you done your sums to see when you can move? Could you sell now and move? Would you consider renting? You've probably thought of all that

lessonlearned

I can appreciate how you are struggling but realistically what will going to the doctors do. At best he/she will dish out some tranquillisers to calm you down, however, that will not solve anything. In fact it might make matters worse.

Tranquillisers will simply dull your senses so you cant think straight and they can be very addictive……..

If you absolutely cannot move yet then you need to take some practical measures to get you through this otherwise you are just going to make yourself ill. And then, where will you be.

The cheapest practical measures you can take right now are wax ear plugs so you can sleep at night. Noise reducing headphones for wearing around the flat when necessary and then use headphones to watch your own TV.

Then, as soon as you can, get those party walls kitted up with sound insulation plaster boards, simply "dotted and dabbed" over your existing plaster. If you don't want to invest in proper insulation boards then cork wall tiles work pretty well. They don't look as good and they are not quite so efficient as true sound insulation boards but they will help muffle the sound. They are quick and easy to fit, won't break the bank and you can emulsion paint over them so that they look less intrusive.

I think because you are feeling so stressed and anxious you are finding it increasingly more difficult to filter out the background noise from your neighbours. Would playing some gentle music help you switch off a bit.

Go to the doctor by all means if you are feeling overwhelmed but try to be realistic here: your doctor won't be able to get your neighbours to keep quiet.

You can't move, the doctor can only help you mask your anxiety symptoms, so if you want a bit of peace and quiet your only real option is to take some practical measures to get some sort of sound-proofing in place.

I had to do this once when I lived in a terrace house with a very inconsiderate and noisy neighbour. Getting the party walls properly soundproofed was one of my best investments ever.

going_nowhere_fast

It would be more expensive for me to rent than stay here so its physicdlly not possible.

Ive looked at my figures and made lots of phone calls. I think i can repay my debts in 3.5 years plus a further year if hard saving and i will finally be in a position to put my house on the market. During that time my credit file should have improved. I know what i have to do. This is with a lot of cutbacks.

I need to manage the anxiety to achieve my ultimate goal. The anxiety is making me feel unsafe at home (because my mind is picking up on everything if that makes sense) and stopping me enjoying my time here. I know the trick is to train your brain to rub out the background noise and concentrate on your own tv of book etc but i havent managed to achievd this so far even though im trying.

I was feelinv positive and thought worst case scenario is i move to another terrace but in a better area in a few years time if that is all my budget will allow - its still escaping - but now i think that in snother terraced house where ever it is, it would be same problems just different house.

Sorry for being so down. Im finding it hard.

lessonlearned

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I

Sorry for being so down. Im finding it hard.

No need to apologise to anyone - of course you are finding it hard. You must be feeling drained and exhausted as well as anxious and down.

I hope my post didn't sound unsympathetic - I have had a similar experience with bad neighbours and I know how horrible it can be.

I just wanted to say that although your doctor can perhaps prescribe something to help you sleep better and relax a little - this would only be a temporary fix. Unfortunately your doctor cannot get your neighbour to be more considerate.

Getting the police/noise people from the council might be counter productive - even if they did manage to control your neighbour - which is doubtful.

Neighbour disputes etc do have to divulged when you come to sell your property and this could easily scupper your chances of a sale.

Given that you simply cannot afford to move yet then your best option is to try and find the money to sound proof your home.

You say you should be in a position to move within the next 3 or 4 years - that's a very long time to live in such miserable circumstances. My best advice would be save up for some soundproofing and then tackle those debts. It might add a few months to your timescales but at least you would get some peace and quiet.

going_nowhere_fast

Lessonlearned - how much of a difference did your sound proofing make? I was told it wouldnt work unless you do the floor too?

The reason i havent already done this is because i have recently decorated the entire house (tried to make it feel nicer) and with no one to help me i had to pay someone to help and cumulatively it was expensive but i felt i needed to do something to help change how i felt about being here.

You are right the anxiety is affecting what i focus on and i know doctors can only help deal with the symptoms but i am struggling.

I have made my house nice inside.
I have put up trellis and screening to enclose the back.
I have moved furniture to noisey walls and increased soft furnishings to try and absorb more sound.
I have got ear phones and am considering headphones for tv but not sure how wireless headphones work.
I have asked neighbours to turn tv, music down, stop slamming doors, screaming etc which they did for a week or two then went back to normal.
I have looked at my finances numerous times and have drawn up a new tighter budget to bring a possible moving date closer.

I am trying.

I have no one to talk to about this so talking on mse is a way of trying to cope.

lessonlearned

The soundproofing worked like a dream. Utter bliss.

My neighbours were awful - they would go out, get drunk, come home and fight. He would then play music very loudly. I presume she must have then fallen asleep for a while. Then they would fight again and then they would have extremely loud make up sex. It sounds a lot funnier than it was - at the time it was hell for me.

Sound insulation boards cost around £15 per board, then you would need to skim over to get a nice surface. You only need do the party walls not the whole house. Unfortunately good plasterers don't come cheap.

You can get acoustic boarding for floors too but it might not be necessary. I didn't get my floors done, just the party walls. You could always try some thick rugs.

On the other party wall in my bedroom I had fitted wardrobes and the clothing, bedding etc muffled the sound from that wall, although the neighbours that side were much quieter and more considerate.

If you are absolutely desperate you can use egg boxes stuck to the wall. Not as effective as proper acoustic boards and certainly not very attractive but at a push as an emergency measure You could always brazen it out and say that it's a modern art installation. :rotfl:

If you google DIY sound proofing - you will see there are several methods of achieving a quick fix. Some of them are used to soundproof garages etc turning them into home recording studios so they must be pretty effective.

I hope you get something sorted soon. As I say I know exactly how it feels - it's horrible.

Just did a quick google - there are loads of diy soundproofing boards and materials on Ebay. There is a special 6mm thick wallpaper called Saapor - no idea how effective it is. Presumably you can just emulsion over it. Might be worth a try.

the_insider

OP we were in the same position as you, living in a very deprived area that just kept going further and further down hill. When we bought the area was fairly nice and most of the homes were owned and people worked. Then the recession hit and 11 houses got repo'd in the space of three months. All the families moved away and the BTLers moved it. After that it was hell.
This time last year we were the only couple on the street who worked and also the only ones who owned apart from a lovely older lady who was being terrorised by the local miscreant children. I used to dread going home and we spent every evening barricaded in the house. Then we got burgled (easy target, being the only people with anything like disposable income) and we also had a home invasion when a drug dealer got ours confused with a house a few doors down where the bloke owed them a substantial amount of money.
I took a long time to sell and we lost quite a lot on the sale price but I'm writing this sitting looking out at my new garden, the only sound is the noise of the birds and I couldn't be happier.
I know it's tough now but focus on the future, things will get better.