How do you cope when you can't move?

Siberianski

We can't sell we jumped on the property market rather quickly and did not look into the area/our neighbours properly as my ex partner was been funny about me seeing my son.

Everything you have mentioned in your thread i can empathise with, i work nights and my neighbours kids and the mam constantly play music really loud. I even took too sleeping in my sons room at the other side of the house on a camp bed as at work i was like a zombie.


As people have said try and be positive, keep that chin up and think too the future. I want winter too be here asap as at least then my neighbour wont have parties/barbaques on her decking with the kitchen patio doors open and music blazing.

We are overpaying on our mortgage and debts in the hope the market picks up and we can either sell at a loss or trade in on a new build.

I think you are right re local councils they do not care, my neighbours both ways one works ie the dad of the 3 chavvy kids but he is not down as living there supposedly. I recently made a phone call too the benefits agency as they are fiddling. The other way he is dead quiet luckily but same again he does not work he is a registered alcoholic who gets once a week crates of stella delivered from the local londis.

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I feel for you. We both have no alternative but to sell at a loss as soon as we can afford to move somewhere else.

I think the local councils dont care about how an areas problems affect home owners. Nice people who are renting move out of the area because they can easily do that and scum move in to replace them.

going_nowhere_fast

As you are in a position to overpay your mortgage and debts you are going to be in a position to move. I dont have the spare cash to do that so am trying to make small cut backs here and there so that hopefully in the long term it will all make a difference.

I know what you mean about wishing away summer, i feel the same.

Siberianski

I do not know if you do them but try maybe doing market research surveys online too bring a little bit of extra money in.

Me and my partner do loads and it brings an extra 100-200 pounds per month in, with that we have been able to make larger dents off our mortgage.

Just an idea!

going_nowhere_fast

Really, that much? Do you have to declare that as an income?

I keep meaning to try surveys but feel uncomfortable giving out so much info about myself but i could give it a go. Is it best to have an email address specially for them because of spam emails?

Contessa

There's more information here:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/make-money-surveys

Hope you find something helpful-every little helps as they say.

going_nowhere_fast

Too true - every little bit is a step closer to the goal

going_nowhere_fast

Contessa wrote: »

There's more information here:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/make-money-surveys

Hope you find something helpful-every little helps as they say.

There is a point saying dont forget tax??? Confused.com am i.

martin2345uk

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

There is a point saying dont forget tax??? Confused.com am i.

Isn't that just because it's basically income..?

Have to say, I really admire you OP, your attitude is amazing and I don't know if I could stay as positive as you, it's inspiring.

BigAunty

To the OP (sorry if I've missed something relevant posted earlier in the thread).

Have you sought expert debt management advice from a specialist charity? Or posted a Statement of Affairs on the Debt Free Wanabee forum? It is worth getting expert advice on your debts to see if you can come up with a better strategy, perhaps negotiating full and final settlements with creditors at a partial sum owed or finding out if you can get any written off?.

I will also dig up some information that I regular post to anxious and stressed people about meditation, mindfulness and so forth which can help retrain a mind into accepting upsets but having a more balanced response to them (i.e., these techniques don't tell you to ignore issues but how not to get so caught up in them that you end up having automated, negative patterns of thought).

BigAunty

The following is info I regularly post on threads where people are at their wits end for various reasons. You are experiencing real issues which are unlikely to change in the near future so unfortunately one of your main options is to change your response to it (as well as considering things like ear plugs...).

You naturally mourn the past because of your change in status, reject some aspects of the present because it is a nuisance and fantasise about the future where you live in quiet accommodation but from the perspective of mindfulness and meditation practitioners, the clinging and aversion that you swing between actually adds to your suffering, increasing the pain.

Sorry if it comes across as irrelevant or hippy nonsense. You are experiencing a great burden which feels like it is completely out of your control. You might find that learning meditation and mindfulness could give you a bit more mental resilience in the trying times that you are experiencing due to your neighbours inconsiderate behaviour, your debts and your dreams of escape.

I am a fan of activities like mindfulness, meditation and yoga which I see as a form of mental training, giving the person insight into how the mind creates chaos and negativity, giving skills in how to live at ease in the present moment rather than dwelling on past miseries and the fear of the future.

It allows the person to be able to accept bad experiences and thoughts without being swept away by them - it is the avoidance strategies, the resistence, that creates additional suffering on top of the pain. It is the same issue when a person day dreams and fantasises, clinging to them, as this also ultimately produces misery.

It's about emotional balance, learning how to enjoy the majority of life which is mundane, ordinary and routine without suffering from cravings which maynot be met (thus causing frustration) and recognising aversion, our custom to automatically flee from situations, experiences and thoughts that are uncomfortable when we should acknowledge and address them.

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” Eckhart Tolle.


There are lots of free local or cheap online courses in mindfulness and meditation, (and yoga). Seek out some structured courses. Many local buddhist or yoga centres will have guided sessions. You should find some books in your local library.

Suggested reading - The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Mindfulness in Plain English (free pdf online, link below), Shinzen Young website.

http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html

Suggested cheap online meditation programme - Headspace (free initial sessions) and free guided meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn can be found on youtube posted by admirers.

Try some free/cheap apps relating to Hynotherapy for anxiety, relaxation and so forth - plug in headphones, see if you find if they have restorative qualities or not.