i think my fiancee is cheating do i call the wedding off?

PeacefulWaters

yvonne13 wrote: »

Illicit!!! What makes his friendship illicit? He may not be cheating but it seems most people on here are quick to say he is.

Oh read the context for crying out loud. I didn't say it was.

OP thinks there's an affair going on. Perhaps there is, perhaps there isn't. At the very least he's behaving in a hurtful way.

Posters have already worded honest questions that can be asked in a way to get reassurance and answers without handling the matter in a blunt way that will get blunt lies if he is playing away or cause severe offence if he isn't.

Your suggestion of do nothing and wait (my paraphrasing) will allow any affair to deepen in intensity and excitement which will make it more likely to continue as and when it's outed. If there is no affair doing nothing will just allow suspicion, mistrust and paranoia to eat away at the relationship when it doesn't need to.

Big-Package

Reading through this thread, i agree with most of what Fbaby has said and i never wanted to say this in case your fiance is cheating, but something similar happened with my sister and her husband. He started acting off and showing no interest in her and she was convinced he was cheating. She roped in her best friend to try prove it and found nothing. A couple of months later she came home to find he had packed his bags and ran off with my sister's best friend. They had lied for years and my sister's best friend used to say she was a lesbian so my sister never suspected anything, when all along she was shagging her husband. I hope this isn't the case for you because i've seen the hurt it causes.

Viberduo

Ah the old fashioned logic that if a women suspects cheating its guilty until proven innocent yet if a man suspects cheating he is just creepy

Suspicion alone is fine just not guilty until proven innocent, it could be as simple as he is stressed and the attention from the girl flatters him, the fact he seems less interested in physical contact could be cold feet, it could be money worries like the cost of the wedding, he feels pressurised by the OP into contact

The only main issue is the message, it could be the girl playing games or trying to get more from that guy, it could be due to his stress and how he feels flattered by the girl he flirts and makes her laugh(laughing is called squealing too) it could be ANYTHING.

I understand nerves and worrying about cheating but the "advice" given to me means if the guy is innocent you will have crossed a boundary you can never go back on as it means you do not trust him and only thought of yourself, I mean some of the advice was to stalk him in every way till you feel better, It seems the OP is just nervous and clingy but thats only a bad thing if boundaries are crossed.

IF he is cheating then he deserves everything he gets and more but even if he IS cheating look at the bigger picture i.e perhaps he just broke down with stress from work and she was there for him, it doesnt technically excuse him but no malice was intended.

jumpingjackd

I havent read through the whole thread but many years ago having gone to an agency was told if you are thinking he is having an affair he probably is! sadly as it turned out it was true. Other possibility is she has more feelings for him than he has for her, if thats the case then he should be putting her off.
Either case you are having doubts and they are surely not unfounded so I would cancel the wedding

jumpingjackd

if i call the wedding off i'm going to let every body down and he will leave me and shack up with her. i'm so lost with what to do. QUOTE

First of all dont worry about letting everybody down, that doesnt come into it, and better he shacks up with her now than after the wedding, you need to have a real frank talk to him right away, maybe it is just a case of cold feet and infatuation but you need to now sooner rather than later

Skintski

He might be telling you the truth in that he is tired and stressed out. I don't tend to be very affectionate if I am having a rough time at work but that doesn't mean I don't love my husband. I work in a very male dominated environment with probably 90% of people I come into contact with being guys but thank god my husband trusts me enough to know what I'm like or he would be panicking every day that I was up to no good.

I too have a particular male workmate that I am close to and to be honest it's often easier to talk to him about stuff going on at work because he has a clearer understanding and so offers more useful advice or we get through it together, that doesn't mean it is anything untoward though. I married in November and it was the best thing I ever did.

Don't jump to conclusions, talk it out. You may be worrying too much.

Ozzuk

You mention he's working overtime as you need the money - has he been paid extra? Could be an easy 'lie' to catch.

Horrible situation though, you could drive yourself mad trying to catch him out and it may not even be true. Sounds similar to another thread on here about a woman colleague.

hazyjo

My ex (of 6 years) cheated on me 3 days before our wedding - it continued for 3/4 months after until he left me. He didn't admit it, despite me asking if he was having an affair, and even naming her (had to be her - his secretary who he was very pally with). Deny deny deny. One day he came home and told me he didn't know if he loved me any more or if he wanted to be with me any more. Would've hurt less if he'd punched me in the stomach. The humiliation and guilt was horrendous (had accepted wedding presents, celebrated in front of friends/family, cried down the aisle, thought it was for life - she'd even come to the effing wedding with her husband!).

Your OH might feel he has no choice but to go through with the wedding, but if he is cheating or has feelings for this woman, I doubt a piece of paper will change anything. It'll just make it a whole lot messier soon after and you'll both probably end up with a divorce behind you.

Do you think maybe it's not an affair but that something happened once and he's feeling guilty?

Maybe you can sit down somewhere neutral and tell him you won't go ballistic, that we're all human, that if he's had feelings for someone else, or had a drunken kiss or done something and is regretting it, you won't leave him, you won't go mental, you'll just talk like adults and hopefully move on - coax it out of him... if he does confess to something, then you decide if you meant what you said or if you go totally ape and boot him out.

Don't marry him if you have doubts/suspicions. You don't want to end up in my shoes and have him leave you soon after or to find out he's cheated.

Oh, and btw, I could NEVER be with a bloke who I thought would go off with someone 'waiting in the wings' if I ever left him. How could you even contemplate marrying that person? Everyone's entitled to a row, a major falling out, a week apart even - without worrying they have someone else lined up. If you REALLY think that, it's probably time to call time on your relationship.

Jx

Tiddlywinks

The title says it all: 'I think my fiance is cheating. Do I call the wedding off?'

Answer - without mutual trust, why would you even consider getting married?

Everything else is just 'noise'.

whitewing

I knew someone who (before I knew her) had had her groom not turn up to the wedding. I don't think he was cheating and there weren't children involved but he couldn't go through with it and hadn't had the heart to tell her beforehand.