i think my fiancee is cheating do i call the wedding off?

yvonne13_2

OP ask yourself this why after 14 years are you getting married? Why didn't this take place before your child was born? I understand that being together from when you were young could have something to do with it but if I was with someone for that long I wouldn't bother.

AbbieCadabra

yvonne13 wrote: »

OP ask yourself this why after 14 years are you getting married? Why didn't this take place before your child was born? I understand that being together from when you were young could have something to do with it but if I was with someone for that long I wouldn't bother.

i was with my OH for 15 years before we got married, been married now 13 years, so we shouldn't have bothered either? not exactly a helpful comment in the OP's circumstances, we all have very different relationships, what doesn't suit you, will suit others.

Soleil_lune

After reading everything you have said, I would call it off. Maybe he isn't cheating with her, yet... But the lack of trust and the way you are feeling isn't worth your misery.

Be happy.

BitterAndTwisted

"I love it when you make me squeal"

I'd be looking for an opportunity to drop that choice phrase into a conversation with him just to see his reaction.

Robisere

I am a bloke and a similar chain of events happened to me many years ago, long before I met my lovely wife. I ignored all the signs, until a good mate forced me to see what was going on. I confronted her and she broke down, told me she loved this other guy and did not want to marry me, but could not tell me to my face. It was her increasingly cold behaviour that her way of telling me, I guess.

We (rather, I) lost a lot of money, but I left. It made me very hard with other women I met until I met the lady who became my wife, who was then and is now totally different, loving and giving.

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that you should ask him straight out two questions: does he still love you, and does he really, truly still want to be your husband and be with you for the rest of your lives? Watch his face closely, you know him better than anyone and take note - is he evasive? Does he hold your gaze, will he look at you?

If the answers are NO, you know exactly what you need to know. What you do about that, is something I cannot answer, and I believe no one else here can.

topdaddy_2

go_cat wrote: »

Can you check this friends facebook page to see if there is any mention / photos of your fianc!?

^^^this is how you know you are a stalker^^^;)

PeacefulWaters

This is your starting point.

you should ask him straight out two questions: does he still love you, and does he really, truly still want to be your husband and be with you for the rest of your lives? Watch his face closely, you know him better than anyone and take note - is he evasive? Does he hold your gaze, will he look at you?

It isn't the answer you hear. It's the answer you see. The delay. The stutter. Where the eyes go.

If you get an instant unequivocal "yes" both verbally and in body language then you need to have an honest conversation with him about how you are feeling.

His closeness to this other woman makes you feel uncomfortable. He has chosen to change nothing. This makes you feel unvalued. The lack of intimacy and involvement in wedding planning makes you wonder if this is really what he wants.

You may be totally happy with all his answers and how he delivers them (although I suspect you won't be). If you are 100% comfortable with everything at this stage crack on with the wedding. But if not, tell him you want to postpone it.

You've said proof of an affair would end your relationship. While that's a perfectly reasonable course of action I'd suggest trying to get to understand why such an awful thing happened before cutting ties. You'll be able to look your child in the eye in future and say you tried.

Meesha.P

for the people who asked if he made more of efort with his appearence hes not changed. hes always been well groomed and the person who says bin him. i cant 14 years and a 4 year old daughter makes that hard.

i spoken to him last night to ask why hes distant and he says he is just exsausted and stressed. he did extra hours at work as we needed money. i'm not sure if hes telling the truth but tonight when hes home from work i have dinner in the slow cooker and a few cold beers in the fridge. i'm then going to run him a warm radox bath and after the bath give him a long masage to relax him and give him a early night. my parents are looking after the daughter until tomorow eavening so he can have a stress free day off tomorow. if he does'nt change after this i have to try find evedince of him cheating.

Meesha.P

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

This is your starting point.

It isn't the answer you hear. It's the answer you see. The delay. The stutter. Where the eyes go.

If you get an instant unequivocal "yes" both verbally and in body language then you need to have an honest conversation with him about how you are feeling.

His closeness to this other woman makes you feel uncomfortable. He has chosen to change nothing. This makes you feel unvalued. The lack of intimacy and involvement in wedding planning makes you wonder if this is really what he wants.

You may be totally happy with all his answers and how he delivers them (although I suspect you won't be). If you are 100% comfortable with everything at this stage crack on with the wedding. But if not, tell him you want to postpone it.

You've said proof of an affair would end your relationship. While that's a perfectly reasonable course of action I'd suggest trying to get to understand why such an awful thing happened before cutting ties. You'll be able to look your child in the eye in future and say you tried.

i tried to think of any thing that went wring and theres nothing. we had a great relationship and never once argue. it just changed 5 weeks ago. i did'nt like him being close to this girl but was fine as he was the same with me. now he is diffrant and i think shes the problem but for now i have to trust his word until i know hes cheated.

mountainofdebt

Meesha.P wrote: »

i tried to think of any thing that went wring and theres nothing. we had a great relationship and never once argue. it just changed 5 weeks ago. i did'nt like him being close to this girl but was fine as he was the same with me. now he is diffrant and i think shes the problem but for now i have to trust his word until i know hes cheated.

Meesha.P wrote: »

for the people who asked if he made more of efort with his appearence hes not changed. hes always been well groomed and the person who says bin him. i cant 14 years and a 4 year old daughter makes that hard.

i spoken to him last night to ask why hes distant and he says he is just exsausted and stressed. he did extra hours at work as we needed money. i'm not sure if hes telling the truth but tonight when hes home from work i have dinner in the slow cooker and a few cold beers in the fridge. i'm then going to run him a warm radox bath and after the bath give him a long masage to relax him and give him a early night. my parents are looking after the daughter until tomorow eavening so he can have a stress free day off tomorow. if he does'nt change after this i have to try find evedince of him cheating.

It seems to me you've convinced yourself that he is cheating on you already