i think my fiancee is cheating do i call the wedding off?

Meesha.P

i been with my fiancee now for 14 years. we first got together when we were 16 and have been engaged for 3 years and have a 4 year old daughter. our wedding is in september but i want to call it off because i really believe he is cheating on me with a work colleague of his. he is to close for comfort with this colleague. when we go out on a night out he spends all his time with her and they are always laughing and messing about with together. she is in our house every morning as they walk to work together and i've told him i ain't happy with her being in the house and he tells me it is his house as well and she is welcome. she always dogs me up as well and comments on all his fb photo's except any photo's that i'm in with him. i found a saved message on his bbm from her and it says i love it when you make me squeal. !!!!!! does that mean? i'm getting really worked up. i know him better than anyone else and i know something is wrong. we have always been very active in the bedroom but recently he just goes to sleep. its been 5 weeks since he last showed me any affection at all and this is not normal for him. the only reason can be is he is sleeping with her. its tearing me apart inside and i cant face him when he gets home today as i know whats going on. if i call the wedding off i'm going to let every body down and he will leave me and shack up with her. i'm so lost with what to do.

sorry if theres spelling mistakes. i have mild dyslexia but used spell checker so it should read fine.

whitewing

I don't think you need to do anything so public and drastic at the moment, even though he is not being very sensitive (if innocent).

What stage are you at with the wedding? What is booked etc?

I certainly wouldn't marry him if you have doubts, however, you don't need to decide this right now.

How would you deal with it if you didn't have a wedding to cancel?

daisiegg

What does 'dogs me up' mean?

Meesha.P

whitewing wrote: »

I don't think you need to do anything so public and drastic at the moment, even though he is not being very sensitive (if innocent).

What stage are you at with the wedding? What is booked etc?

I certainly wouldn't marry him if you have doubts, however, you don't need to decide this right now.

How would you deal with it if you didn't have a wedding to cancel?

the wedding is booked everything is pretty much arranged. we saved up for years for it and will lose alot of money if i do. if we wer'nt getting married i still dont know what i'd do. if i kick him out he will go straight to her and i really need him here as i have 3 part time jobs which i would have to give up to look after our daughter.

Meesha.P

daisiegg wrote: »

What does 'dogs me up' mean?

she looks at me like i'm a peace of !!!!. i tried talking to her and being friendly but she only is intrested in him and dont want to know me.

WestonDave

First thing you need to consider/decide is regardless of the money for the wedding or needing him there for childcare - Do you want to continue in a relationship with him if he is prepared to cease the upsetting contact with this woman (beyond what is necessary for work). If so then it may be worth explaining that you find her presence in your relationship (which is the case given how much she intrudes on nights out and even your home) undesirable and that he needs to get her to back off and focus on preparing for your wedding. He'll either be willing accept that for the sake of your relationship or he won't - either way, the money at stake on the wedding or the childcare issues are not good reasons to live a lie!

susieq87

I believe a woman's intuition is her greatest asset. If you have never felt this way before and now you feel like something is up then something probably is.
I would not call off the wedding because you are not certain what's going on, what if they're just really close friends? He is being selfish in not trying to compromise her being in your house, it is your house too! In regards to making her squeal it could be anything tbh, maybe he makes her laugh so hard she squeals, I don't know.
She might like your fianc! therefore doesn't like you but that doesn't mean anything is happening between them. Gather as much info as you can before confronting him because if you do without evidence he will probably deny him and become more cautious.
Added after posting: losing him to her shouldn't be your biggest worry because how she got him is how she will lose him. It doesn't look like it now but it will be good riddance if he's cheating on you in your face like that. Well, cheating is not nice period and you deserve better!

Don't do anything to drastic or extreme until you have all the facts

Meesha.P

WestonDave wrote: »

First thing you need to consider/decide is regardless of the money for the wedding or needing him there for childcare - Do you want to continue in a relationship with him if he is prepared to cease the upsetting contact with this woman (beyond what is necessary for work). If so then it may be worth explaining that you find her presence in your relationship (which is the case given how much she intrudes on nights out and even your home) undesirable and that he needs to get her to back off and focus on preparing for your wedding. He'll either be willing accept that for the sake of your relationship or he won't - either way, the money at stake on the wedding or the childcare issues are not good reasons to live a lie!

i love him he is my soulmate but if he has cheated with her i can never forgive him. i told him to tell her to back off and he wont do it. i sometimes feel he is closer to her than he is with me.

Meesha.P

susieq87 wrote: »

I believe a woman's intuition is her greatest asset. If you have never felt this way before and now you feel like something is up then something probably is.
I would not call off the wedding because you are not certain what's going on, what if they're just really close friends? He is being selfish in not trying to compromise her being in your house, it is your house too! In regards to making her squeal it could be anything tbh, maybe he makes her laugh so hard she squeals, I don't know.
She might like your fianc! therefore doesn't like you but that doesn't mean anything is happening between them. Gather as much info as you can before confronting him because if you do without evidence he will probably deny him and become more cautious.
Added after posting: losing him to her shouldn't be your biggest worry because how she got him is how she will lose him. It doesn't look like it now but it will be good riddance if he's cheating on you in your face like that. Well, cheating is not nice period and you deserve better!

Don't do anything to drastic or extreme until you have all the facts

how can i get facts? all i know is what i'm seeing and feeling. in all the years i'v known him he has never been this way with another girl. they have only known each other for a year and half so having a bond as strong as they do is not right unless they are sleeping together and that will explain it all.

FBaby

How is he in relation to the wedding? Is he bringing up the subject, taking initiatives with the plans, showing signs of excitment?

susieq87

Meesha.P wrote: »

how can i get facts? all i know is what i'm seeing and feeling. in all the years i'v known him he has never been this way with another girl. they have only known each other for a year and half so having a bond as strong as they do is not right unless they are sleeping together and that will explain it all.

Not necessarily. I have gotten close to friends in a short time without sleeping with them. I'm not saying he's not cheating, I'm not saying he is either. Could he be getting cold feet?
To get facts you have to snoop, do you have unlimited access to his phone or does he hide it? Can you check his Facebook messages? Because she knows about you and they work together they will be craftier at hiding if there is something going on.
I wouldn't call of a wedding based on a feeling to be honest because what if you're wrong? You said in an earlier comment you feel that he is your soulmate, dyou wanna throw that way because of a feeling?
If he has never messed around before and he is now, if caught and confronted are you willing to forgive him? I know a lot of people might disagree with me but you've been together since you were 16 some people will feel like exploring to see what else is out there. Maybe that's how he's feeling?