Relation using our home as a commuting crash pad.

jumpingjackd

Wow you do owe her and probably she is thinking alog the same lines as yourself and is not happy with the situation but maybe stuck between a rock and a hard place. Who would want to travel two hours and get up in the morning and to do it all again and with caring and paying for two elderly relatives maybe her head is not in the correct place right now and just maybe she felt in the same position as when you were staying there 15 years ago!
You need to all sit down and discuss the situation and come to some agreement

duchy

Quite honestly though it is no good the OP complaining that her living room is not her own and she can't watch her programmes etc as the relative is sleeping on the sofa when there's a spare room that could be used.

There's an awful lot of mixed messages going on.

dktreesea

OP, I realise you feel indebted to her, but what makes you think she didn't get anything out of you sharing with her in the past? Just because she was generous and didn't charge you for room and board doesn't mean she didn't get something from the arrangement. How about company? Maybe it suited her ot have you because she didn't want to live alone. I'm not doubting her generosity, but people do things like that for all sorts of reasons.

Plus, you are not in her situation. It's not okay to foist someone onto your child and husband, imho, just because you feel obligated due to something that happened in the past.

dktreesea

Grumpypoo wrote: »

QUOTE=PasturesNew;65541662 I bet this is the case. For whatever reason, in the past she's been persuaded to buy a house for them to live in and, for whatever reason this seemed a good idea at the time ..... and as they're living rent free with a relative they get no housing benefits.... and she's "stuck" in that situation for a variety of historical reasons.
QUOTE


I think that's exactly it.

It's possibly hard for you to know if your lodger is in financial strife, as in not being able to afford her own place, because hospital pharmacists can earn anything from £25k a year to £80k a year.

If she is prepared to commute for half an hour to work, surely within the wide range of places around her work she would be able to find somewhere where she could rent a self contained bedsit for, say, £100 to £150 a week?

We live in Edinburgh, probably one of the most expensive places to rent in Britain. You can rent a nice one bedroom house here for around £130 a week and buy it for even less:

http://www.zoopla.co.uk/to-rent/details/32950197

I'm pretty sure hospital workers will be "key" workers for the purposes of renting housing association properties at a mid market rental (usually below the private accommodation rental rate of a similar property). Maybe she could find a reasonably priced property that way.

Yes, she needs to make some hard decisions. Like sell the house she has for her parents and relocate her, and them, close to where she works. Or apply for a job back in her home town.

Surely it is her, rather than you, who needs to grow up a bit and take responsibility for her own life? She's saved on a commute but instead of arranging a place to get a decent night's sleep she crashes on a relative's sofa? And one who is married, with children, and whom she is not particularly close to from what you have said in your posts, at that? She doesn't drink but chooses to live with people who do? What the f***?Does she value herself at all?

Sorry to say, but your relative sounds like a bit of a doormat and seems to think you are cut out of the same mould.

greenorange

I'm going against the grain with my post and advising not to make up stories such as the landlord complaining and making her feel uncomfortable by making loud noises in the bedroom etc, as it's far too much effort.

My advice: You're an adult. Get straight to the point and tell her exactly how you feel - that it's your family home and she can no longer stay.

Life's too short. Pick up the phone now (or go and have a chat if she's in) and have the conversation. Your problem is solved in 5 minutes.

Maybe I'm just horrid.

seven-day-weekend

Why can't you drink what you want and watch what you want in your own home?

Grumpypoo

I agree partly, but starry night and others have expressed what I feel well; I still need privacy

Starrystarrynight wrote: »

What a difficult situation!
Much as you may have a lot to be grateful to her for, your home is also your husband's, and I feel it's unreasonable of her to impose herself there.
You're in a very different situation to that of your university days, but maybe she needs to know it's not just you that you're thinking about. Your husband also needs his privacy.

ska_lover wrote: »

Yes she put you up years ago, whilst at Uni, but that was different circumstances and she was single. And that was her choice to do so. To do someone a good turn, is not infact a good turn if all you are doing is saving it up in the memory bank for a pay back at a later date

Your choice is up to you, you don't need to pay her back with your sanity and at the cost of your husband and child

Yes, I won't be too specific but our family is of Chinese background but my parents have been here for 40 years before they went back 18 years ago. My cousin and her family are more traditional.

Grumpypoo

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Why can't you drink what you want and watch what you want in your ofolUOTE]

Part of the problem is her stepmother. She has always been a busybody and since becoming an invalid has had nothing else to do. E.g when my younger sisters got a ratio she phoned my parents to tell her to get it removed because it is unladylike to have one. My sister is 30. I have found in the past that the best way to deal with her is minimise contact apart from brief dutiful visits. Molly who is now staying with us feeds my stepmother a lot of the information she uses to interfere in peoples lives. E.g Molly saw cousin so and so walking with a strange woman so Stepmother phones the wife to tell her.I know from the past all sorts of drama and interference will follow. Two of her five children do not speak to her

Grumpypoo

greenorange wrote: »

I'm going against the grain with my post and advising not to make up stories such as the landlord complaining and making her feel uncomfortable by making loud noises in the bedroom etc, as it's far too much effort.

My advice: You're an adult. Get straight to the point and tell her exactly how you feel - that it's your family home and she can no longer stay.

Life's too short. Pick up the phone now (or go and have a chat if she's in) and have the conversation. Your problem is solved in 5 minutes.

Maybe I'm just horrid.

I'm too timid and can not stand any sort of confrontation
@dktressa - we probably are both doormats.

POPPYOSCAR

peachyprice wrote: »

Reading back, this doesn't make any sense. Why have you not watched GofT for 4 weeks or had a glass of wine for if she's not getting home until 10.30?

Yes I was confused by this as well and I notice the Op has not answered this question.