Relation using our home as a commuting crash pad.

pebbles88

Good luck OP, like others have said, she may be happy you've brought it up. You appear to be a lot stronger minded than her & she I s probably worn out from the situation that she doesn't really have a 'home' or somewhere to just 'be' in her free time etc.

Hope it all goes well.

hazyjo

I'd be dreading it too. I hate confrontation and avoid at all costs. But if someone moved into my beloved happy house, I'd force myself to say something.

Incidentally, my friend has just taken in her mum's friend (her mum is very frail and currently in hospital after breaking a hip). The friend was meant to live with her own daughter but didn't last more than a week there (despite them building an extension to accommodate her!), and is by all accounts a very difficult lady. This one should be interesting!! My friend has said she's not had wine, or cigarettes and how it's a good thing - but, really? In your own home/garden? I'd hate to feel like it wasn't my house. I've advised, but tbh don't really want to get involved! I think she'll come to regret it...

Good luck

Jx
PS My friend is 50-odd!

ClareTeaches

Good luck, Grumpypoo! Your first post back is spot on and you sound much more confident.

Grumpypoo

We managed to speak at breakfast this morning. It was very emotional and to summarise. She feels an obligation to be with her stepmother, but her friends and job are in London so she is torn and is doing the commuting while she decides what to do. It has been close to a year already of commuting so we said ‘then it could go on indefinitely’. WS is scheduled for an operation in August which may/may not improve her quality of life and will take a couple of months to see if it has worked or not. We have agreed to review the situation then but she can stay here until then.

I know that to many It will seem like a big imposition, however I now realise the two big things upsetting me were the open-endedness of it all and the fact that it had not been discussed with us. I’m surprised by how much compassion I felt, given that I had been so angry. My husband says he is happy for her to stay till winter we don’t want rent from her, just advance notice of her comings and goings. Then she will decide if she is going to relocate or find somewhere to rent and continue to commute.

The thing I picked up was that WS has pushed everyone away now and her behaviour seems to have caught up with her. She does not get visitors and is very lonely which is part of the reason she is relying on Molly so much. Apart from her husband and step -daughter she is completely alone. One of her other children lives in the same town but does very little to help. The others live further afield and have virtually zero contact which has led Molly to take it upon herself. We suggested her talking to the others but she says they are fixed in their minds that they won’t help.

I felt like throwing up before but afterwards felt so much lighter and actually felt closer to Molly.

Mojisola

Grumpypoo wrote: »

The thing I picked up was that WS has pushed everyone away now and her behaviour seems to have caught up with her. She does not get visitors and is very lonely which is part of the reason she is relying on Molly so much. Apart from her husband and step -daughter she is completely alone. One of her other children lives in the same town but does very little to help. The others live further afield and have virtually zero contact which has led Molly to take it upon herself. We suggested her talking to the others but she says they are fixed in their minds that they won’t help.

Molly needs some help to stand up for herself. If even her own children have deserted her, WS can't use the cultural card to keep Molly under her thumb.

If you give Molly the opportunity to raise the issue again, perhaps she will see that she could follow the others' example and start to live her own life.

egoode

I'm so glad you have spoken to her and that initial conversation will always be the hardest but I think having a set review date is definitely a great step forward and so glad you are feeling better from having done it.

duchy

Well done !!!

Like most things the anticipation of doing something so difficult was probably worse than the actual doing

I'm glad you and Molly are closer but what a pity no-one thought to have the conversation with you BEFORE

ClareTeaches

Well done, it sounds like it went really well! I thought it might make you feel closer to Molly - it does sound like she's having a crappy time, too, but at least it's in the open now and you've got a timeline.

Good luck to you all going forward! X