My Ex hubby & father to my child won't give me his new address

[Deleted User]

Morglin wrote: »

No, common sense, because, as a mum, there is no way I would have let my little girl go to an unknown address. A mums first duty is to her kids, not a silly man playing hard to get with basic information.

What if there is an emergency?

Why is her ex so childish he won't give out his address?

Typical response from blokes with an axe to grind, and one to be ignored, I hope.

Lin

Typical response from a bitter woman who thinks its acceptable to use the children to blackmail someone to get what she wants.

Your sig says it all about your attitude to be honest.

[Deleted User]

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Turn it around again....

If a mother didn't want to give the father the address, would she be viewed with equal suspicion?

Nope. Because then it'd be why should she let that man have her address so he can harass her.

Prothet_of_Doom

Mojisola wrote: »

He doesn't have to give a reason.

He is now living with someone who is on income support, who has housing benefit paid, as a single parent with no job.

Yep benefit fraud.

Alternatively he's living in a B&B and doesn't want his ex to know she's screwed him for all he's got.

Or

He's living in an area he shouldn't be able to afford, based on his income declarations.

Or he's a knob. Or she's a stalker. :rotfl:

spender

People talk about what happens if there is an emergency? Well if the parent is quite happy for the child to go to the other parent then surely they would believe that they would contact them in an emergency. For the poor op this situation is new and raw and telling people to go for the jugular when she states in her post that she is unhappy about the split is hard on her to cope with.

I have been flamed as being a bad mother but my ex (from many moons ago) did not provide his address, but I treated it as his little power control and did not let it bother me. I knew that in an emergency I could contact him and if the emergency was his end he would contact me. What purpose does having the address actually serve. If you have an emergency at your house would you be contacting him or dealing with the situation without your child witnessing it and if he had an emergency surely he would not be at the house anyway. It is another leverage for parties to have an indirect go and control of each other.

merlin1

"The other thing is that as a PWC you should know where your child is. The Ex knows where she is and where she lives, WHY shouldnt you know? "

and a NRP should know where their child is also. Is it ok for a PWC to take their child away for a few days say... midweek? without letting NRP know?

While together would (for example) a parent have any issues with the other parent taking the child away for the weekend, maybe to visit family, or go pony trekking or a football weekend? probably not is my guess. It is such a shame that these things become an issue when the adults split.

you trusted them enough have a baby with, then trust them to do right by that baby. far too many double standards when it comes to a split and the sooner we get shot of these arbitrary terms for parents after a break up the better. Unless there are circumstances that dictate a favour one way or the other, of which should be proven, then it should be a given that all decisions are of benefit to the child and not a matter of control, insecurity, jealousy, nosiness or general trouble making.

this is just my humble opinion and i fully appreciate that on a forum we cannot ever know the full story so i wish the op luck and patience - i also believe that once he has somewhere to live he'll come good and give her the address. as it stands he can 'play' and wind her up a bit simply because he hasnt the information or the gravity of denying that information and understanding its potential problems.

best of luck OP

clearingout

[quote=[Deleted User];65514190]Typical response from a bitter woman who thinks its acceptable to use the children to blackmail someone to get what she wants.

Your sig says it all about your attitude to be honest.[/QUOTE]

so....I can move and I don't have to give you my address? are you OK with that? I have no reason not to give you my address, other than to be difficult. No history of harassment. Just an unhappy split and the occassional desire to hit the ex where it hurts - in the children. Not daft enough to stop contact but daft enough to just want to get under his skin a bit.

clearingout

merlin1 wrote: »

you trusted them enough have a baby with, then trust them to do right by that baby. far too many double standards when it comes to a split and the sooner we get shot of these arbitrary terms for parents after a break up the better. Unless there are circumstances that dictate a favour one way or the other, of which should be proven, then it should be a given that all decisions are of benefit to the child and not a matter of control, insecurity, jealousy, nosiness or general trouble making.

a huge problem is that when couples split and the rose-tinted specs come off, all of a sudden you actually don't trust the ex with the most precious thing you have. My ex turned into an unknown quantity overnight - he was horrible, truly horrible. And actually, he didn't treat the children very well in the process and he sure as hell never put them first. So why on earth would I feel 'happy' and 'secure' sending them off into his company knowing that they'd be spending time with a woman who resented them whilst my ex worked and if she was at work, they would be left with her mother or a childminder I wasn't allowed to know about ('cos it's none of my business what happens when the children are with him) or the girlfriends 16 year old child who 'forced' (physically) my elder child to change the younger one's nappies (we're talking 4 years old, not 14).

Don't get me wrong, I have never stopped, nor restricted contact between my children and their father because I understand that they need to know him, warts and all, and be allowed to make their own minds up. But I totally comprehend why some people struggle to be generous with contact because when the trust is gone, it's gone and it's next to near impossible to restore. Children are often the only thing that a couple has with which to hurt the other half...and then the problems start. Children need at least one sane parent to protect them from this - and that sanity can be sadly lacking in relationship breakdown, particularly in the early days.

mrsHall2b

only read the first couple of pages....

i can see it from a few angles,
my 2yo DD goes to stay with her dad, we meet up at a location specified by me (my local shop) to hand over, i assume he then takes her to his mums house where i assume he still lives. but he could also take her to his dads, his girlfriends or to a variety of different friends houses. once she leaves my care she is in the care of her father, i am sure he is capable of looking after her. only in the last month have we had each others mobile numbers so before this if anything did happen he would have to contact my parents, this caused me to have to toughen up and let him be a father without me hovering over the situation.

he also doesnt know my address, i didnt tell him when i moved (it was only a few minutes up the road and meeting place was the same) he has no reason to come to my house as i have no reason to go to his.

our DD is our mutual in the situation so we both feel it right to 'handover' in a mutual place so that no animosity between us/new partners/family members are felt by DD, she enjoys the way things are done as theres a park near where we meet. and she gets a ride in a taxi.

OH's ex doesnt know our address so when the children are here she knows the rough area but doesnt know where the house is.

OH does know where his ex lives but since she now has a new man she doesnt allow him to pick the kids up from the house.

it works for all of us as we put our children first not our own wars with eachother

supersaver2

[quote=[Deleted User];65514190]Typical response from a bitter woman who thinks its acceptable to use the children to blackmail someone to get what she wants.

Your sig says it all about your attitude to be honest.[/QUOTE]

Never noticed that sig, can't imagine it would be very popular if it was a man strangling a person as they were upset!

This forum is full of double standards unfortunately and the women with axes to grind shine through on many threads.

duchy

supersaver2 wrote: »

This forum is full of double standards unfortunately and the women with axes to grind shine through on many threads.

And men with axes to grind too apparently.
We're equal opportunity axe grinders here.

Both men and women are capable of poor behavior when it comes to life in general and split families it appears.