First few dates etiquette

Takeaway_Addict

aileth wrote: »

Hi all, interesting debate. Just had a conversation with my sister at the end of her tether. She has been attempting dating for at least the past two years with very little success. We are both quite old-fashioned.

Just thought it would be quite interesting to garner some views as I've been out of the 'game' for a while and know I'm old-fashioned.

Would you expect the man to pay for the first date? Or even second, third, or more? Would you expect both genders to go Dutch for the first, or at a certain point into the relationship?

This is the third man she has met who she has ended up actually paying more for, e.g. buying drinks for him, since the first date. She has just contacted him to say she is really low on funds (they have a date tonight, think it's third or fourth), and would he be able to cover them and she'll repay it at a later date, otherwise she might not be able to go. He has replied back with a rather upfront response effectively saying no and she has to buy her own food.

This fella has a very good job, lives with parents and basically has zero outgoings. My sister has just finished her uni degree and only has part-time work atm, lives with parents but pays pretty hefty upkeep/rent.

Is chivalry dead? Did such a thing ever exist? Is it anti-feminist to be chivalrous in the eyes of fellas?

Looks like your sister isn't very chivalrous so maybe?

Takeaway_Addict

VestanPance wrote: »

Possibly depends on age, but any of the younger people I know (35 or younger) expect to go dutch on dates.

I've heard the odd story of guys being told they're being insulting to the lady by offering to pay.

That said the guy in the OP's story just sounds like a waster, as while some guys would offer to pay and some guys will expect to go dutch I've never heard of a guy that expects the woman to be the one to fork out.

Interesting to see you think if the bloke expects a lady to pay for them they are a waster but a woman with the same mentality isn't?

Georgiegirl256

MrsE wrote: »

I'm not here for a row.

Neither am I, on that we can agree.

sulphate

As others have already said OP's sister should move on

These threads always amaze me tbh, I find it astonishing in this ~day and age~ that so many women wouldn't be happy to split the bill/pay their own way on a date. Yet presumably you expect to be paid the same as your male colleagues doing the same job.

You can't have it both ways.

MrsE_2

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Interesting to see you think if the bloke expects a lady to pay for them they are a waster but a woman with the same mentality isn't?

sulphate wrote: »

As others have already said OP's sister should move on

These threads always amaze me tbh, I find it astonishing in this ~day and age~ that so many women wouldn't be happy to split the bill/pay their own way on a date. Yet presumably you expect to be paid the same as your male colleagues doing the same job.

You can't have it both ways.

The OPs sister has paid 75% of three dates, this bloke owes her a night out!
Having said that, I think she should stop wasting her time with the free loader.

trollopscarletwoman

Come on ladies have a catfight for my friday night amusement.

Seriously, I'm not not single but by past experience if I'm getting taken for a ride on the money side its not too long before the bell rings.

A few quid wasted so what.

But I certainly feel for those who get taken advantage of and deserve far better.

sulphate

MrsE wrote: »

The OPs sister has paid 75% of three dates, this bloke owes her a night out!
Having said that, I think she should stop wasting her time with the free loader.

I actually said that I thought the OP's sister should move on for reasons that have already been stated.

I wasn't referring to her in the second part of my post, but some of the other replies on this thread.

MrsE_2

sulphate wrote: »

I actually said that I thought the OP's sister should move on for reasons that have already been stated.

I wasn't referring to her in the second part of my post, but some of the other replies on this thread.

I was answering above & agreeing with you.

VestanPance

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Interesting to see you think if the bloke expects a lady to pay for them they are a waster but a woman with the same mentality isn't?

Being male I've never encountered a man who would be happy to have a woman pay for most or everything on early dates.

It's been a long long time since I was dating, but I thought then and still do that women beyond the first date who expect the man to pick up the tab suffer a bit of spoiled princess syndrome.

In those days I always got on best with those that were forthright in saying we'd be splitting the bill, probably as it showed you both shared a similar respect to modern gender roles.

laurabllue

daisiegg wrote: »

Once we went on a date to a very fancy restaurant - can't remember if it was before or after we were married - and I was given a special menu with no prices on it, whereas his had prices! I'm sure some people would be horrified but we just found it amusing and charming.

Haha, we ended up somewhere like that when we were on holiday in France. I think it was when we were both students, or shortly after graduating so neither had much money, but his menu had prices on it and mine didn't. To this day I still don't know how much it cost!

I think my now husband paid for the first couple of dates but after that we took it in turns as we were both students. When I graduated first and had a full-time job I paid more often. Although we're married now we still have 'date nights' where we make more of an effort than usual. Generally our dinners out used to be straight from work so it's nice to put a bit of effort in rather than go straight from the office. As we've now got a baby I think date nights will be even more important to get time together. We have our first lunch out without her tomorrow and I actually can't wait.