First few dates etiquette

Indie_Kid

SailorSam wrote: »

Ladies. Do you feel sometimes, especially if a man has paid for an expensive date that he expects you'll repay him when you get home by dropping your pants.

The guy I went out with a few time last year did seem to imply this.:mad: And no, it didn't happen.

Buzzybee90

SailorSam wrote: »

No i don't think it should, i just wondered if you'd got home and a man had implied that the night shouldn't end early, saying he'd been nice to you and he now expected you to be nice to him.
We're not talking about me, it's just a general thing.

Anyone that said anything like that would be a piece of the proverbial and anyone that acted on it would be easy.

Georgiegirl256

SailorSam wrote: »

No i don't think it should, i just wondered if you'd got home and a man had implied that the night shouldn't end early, saying he'd been nice to you and he now expected you to be nice to him.

If he did that then I'd think he was a sleeze bag and he probably wouldn't get a second date.

Georgiegirl256

OP, glad your sister told the guy where to go, he didn't sound like a keeper tbh.

aileth

Just a question slightly off the topic of dating but relevant to something a lot of people have mentioned.

When you go Dutch, either a 50/50 divide or calculating who had what.

As far as family inviting you for a meal, my side and FIL will always pick up the whole tab if they invite you. MIL never does but I don't mind as I always offer with my side and FIL.

Now, I hate fiddling to work out exact shares, but how would you feel if you went out for a meal and the other party kept ordering really pricey bottles of wine that you hardly drank? Happened to us recently, I was sipping my glass but mainly drinking coke, she was knocking it back ordering more, it must have been at least 50% of the bill was wine. Also they kept ordering beer for my OH despite him saying he wanted no more and just wanted tap water.

At the end we all had to do an equal split and needless to say it cost a lot more than were expecting.

Thoughts? What if this happened in a date situation? Say your date orders a bottle of Dom Perignon but still expects you to go Dutch?

As annoying as being picky with the bill in I think at times it has it's bonuses!

geri1965_2

When our family go out we never split the bill - we just work out what we each owe and put the money in, plus a bit for the tip.

Indie_Kid

aileth wrote: »

Just a question slightly off the topic of dating but relevant to something a lot of people have mentioned.

When you go Dutch, either a 50/50 divide or calculating who had what.

As far as family inviting you for a meal, my side and FIL will always pick up the whole tab if they invite you. MIL never does but I don't mind as I always offer with my side and FIL.

Now, I hate fiddling to work out exact shares, but how would you feel if you went out for a meal and the other party kept ordering really pricey bottles of wine that you hardly drank? Happened to us recently, I was sipping my glass but mainly drinking coke, she was knocking it back ordering more, it must have been at least 50% of the bill was wine. Also they kept ordering beer for my OH despite him saying he wanted no more and just wanted tap water.

At the end we all had to do an equal split and needless to say it cost a lot more than were expecting.

Thoughts? What if this happened in a date situation? Say your date orders a bottle of Dom Perignon but still expects you to go Dutch?

As annoying as being picky with the bill in I think at times it has it's bonuses!

If someone orders something expensive, they should pay, imo. If it was only a few pounds more, I wouldn't be fussed. But if it was something like £15 more, I wouldn't be happy paying their share.

SailorSam

I think i'd be annoyed Aileth but not want to make a fuss, but once it got to the really expensive stuff i'd say well this is yours.
I've been out, not on dates, but with mates and someone has suggested having a kitty and immediately stopped drinking pints and gone onto double shorts, and 'cos i'm driving i'm on orange juice.

burnoutbabe

I'd think it very strange to arrange a night out, then at last minute say you are broke and can the other person pay?

At the mininum, you'd say "do you want to come over and watch a dvd?" - this is date 3 so I assume they know each other somewhat.

bristol_pilot

I think it's good manners that the inviter should pay for the first date. Thus I usually pay for the first and second date, after that I feel you should be on good enough terms to have a discussion about sharing of costs. Personally I do prefer to share costs after the first few dates but I'd rather take it in turns than split a bill which seems unfriendly.

I once dated a lady who not only insisted on splitting absolutely everything according to who had consumed what but also INSISTED on giving me £1 towards my petrol. We both had good jobs, she knew I didn't need that £1 and she was IMO making a point of some sort e.g. putting me in my place. I found that extremenly rude and I didn't contact her again.

The idea that a man should always pay for a woman is based on the concept that a woman is incapable of earning a living and that therefore a woman is to be 'kept' by a man, neither of which is a modern attitude and not a healthy attitude to be encouraged in young people IMO. On the other hand refusing hospitality offered in good faith is rude and insisting on precise accounting in cost sharing sends a message of wanting to keep the other person at a distance, not wanting to get involved in any way and if that's how you feel about someone there is no point in dating.