First few dates etiquette

Acc72

BugglyB wrote: »

I think a good rule of thumb with these things is, would I offer the same to a man in a similar position?

Holding a door open, its polite to hold a door to anyone, male or female. If you get a bad reaction from a woman when holding a door open I suggest you challenge it by saying 'I was merely being well mannered, you have a bad attitude'.

Giving up a seat, theres no reason you would give up a seat to a healthy adult male, so why to a healthy adult female? If the person is old or heavily pregnant or struggling to stand, then yes its polite and generous. Similar with pulling out a seat.

What is your opinion on the original question ? :


"Would you expect the man to pay for the first date? Or even second, third, or more? Would you expect both genders to go Dutch for the first, or at a certain point into the relationship?"

aileth

BugglyB wrote: »

I think a good rule of thumb with these things is, would I offer the same to a man in a similar position?

Holding a door open, its polite to hold a door to anyone, male or female. If you get a bad reaction from a woman when holding a door open I suggest you challenge it by saying 'I was merely being well mannered, you have a bad attitude'.

Giving up a seat, theres no reason you would give up a seat to a healthy adult male, so why to a healthy adult female? If the person is old or heavily pregnant or struggling to stand, then yes its polite and generous. Similar with pulling out a seat.

I do all of the above regardless of gender. I always offer my seat to someone pregnant or infirm, although I have been quite nastily verbally abused after I offered it to an old lady and she took immense offense to it.

BugglyB

Acc72 wrote: »

What is your opinion on the original question ? :


"Would you expect the man to pay for the first date? Or even second, third, or more? Would you expect both genders to go Dutch for the first, or at a certain point into the relationship?"

Gender should be irrelevant and it should depend on totally on the circumstances. I would no sooner expect a man to pay for me because I am female than I should expect him to turn into a pumpkin.

If I was out for a meal with a date or my sister or a friend or my boss and I offered my half and they said, 'oh, let me pay for this, I really want to' - I would let them with grateful thanks, and then try and find something else - a drink or taxi fare or the next meal or experience out, that I could pay for in the future.

firebird082

aileth wrote: »

I do all of the above regardless of gender. I always offer my seat to someone pregnant or infirm, although I have been quite nastily verbally abused after I offered it to an old lady and she took immense offense to it.

Whereas I, who look like a perfectly healthy female, would have been ridiculously grateful in that situation, as I have a lot of trouble and pain from standing. I'm sure I'm not the only one with hidden pain. (I avoid public transport as much as possible for that reason). Life's crazy, eh? Can't please everyone. That said, I have offered my seat to people older than me too!

BugglyB

aileth wrote: »

I do all of the above regardless of gender. I always offer my seat to someone pregnant or infirm, although I have been quite nastily verbally abused after I offered it to an old lady and she took immense offense to it.

In the circumstances I would have given her short shrift, 'you madam are the reason many people are worried about being kind to strangers, I'd thank you to mind your tone of voice with me, good day' - but then I'm never scared of putting on my best radio 4 voice when I think someone's being an idiot

Slinky

So aileth, any update on the date situation with your sister? What happened?

Nickg370

Gosh! What a mixed bag of views on all this! I'm really concerned that some of you ladies are killing chivalry!

I would always expect to pay on a date although if the datee (does that sound American?!) offered to pay I would be delighted and let her, as long as it wasn't within perhaps the first three dates. I think if I went on several dates and there was never an offer of even a drink then it would put me off - whilst I am happy to pay I don't like presumptions that I always would with no offer.

Some of you say you would never let a man pay for their meal / drinks on and you would always want to split it. Maybe if you're 15 with limited pocket money I can see that, but if a girl insisted on doing it that way now I would feel pretty small and also assume that she wasn't comfortable with the evening which would upset me. Let us pay for you if we want to! Please! It makes us nice chaps feel good!

snow_ball

BugglyB wrote: »

In the circumstances I would have given her short shrift, 'you madam are the reason many people are worried about being kind to strangers, I'd thank you to mind your tone of voice with me, good day' - but then I'm never scared of putting on my best radio 4 voice when I think someone's being an idiot

L.O.V.E this, I wish I could do this, but I'm always too shocked at how rude people can be!

pollyanna24

Read most of this thread now, but not all of it. People are saying that he is the one living with parents. Without going back to the first post again, I thought it was the OP sister still living with parents.

Maybe the date didn't realise that the OP sister had paid for 75% of the dates. How did this work out? What exactly did she pay for, for it to work out this way?

NatMast_2

For me personally, I always think 50/50 for a first date is how the bill should be split. If you went to a bar or somewhere for drinks afterwards buy your own or buy in rounds (though not too many drinks of course!).

I don't know - I'm stubbornly independent and insist on paying half. I don't necessarily think chivalry is dead at all. But I do think it can vary on how you've been brought up and also previous experiences.

I do think that if you ask them to pay and then pay them back after a few dates there should be a mutual understanding though!