First few dates etiquette

Lieja

My OH and I had very few 'dates' that actually cost anything! We would go walking, or out for a drive somewhere pretty (taking turns driving!) and the rare occasion we spent money, he always offered to pay and I always offered my half. Or we'd buy 'rounds' of drinks each.

Now we're practically married, when one of us decides to plan a night out, meal, cinema etc we always treat it as though we're taking the other one out, and so one of us will usually pay all night.

Mrs_Soup

For a first date I would expect the person who did the inviting to pay, although there is no harm in teh invitee offering to pay half or for a specific things eg drinks or sweeties in the cinema. If one person pays for the first date I would then expect either the other to pay next time or go dutch. and to continue sharing the costs. Only difference would be if one is significantly better off than the other AND is choosing to go to places beyond the financial reach of the other.

daisiegg

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Same here. I wouldn't call going out for a meal, to the cinema or bowling with my husband a date. A date is something you do before things get serious.

We still call them 'dates' and think it is very important so, if we decide to go to the cinema because we both fancy seeing a film and it is raining, or if we can't be bothered to cook so pop out for a curry - that is not a date. But if we plan a special meal out, both have it in our diaries, dress up for it, get taxis so we can both drink (well not now while I am pregnant) - or plan a night at the theatre - or decide to try out a bar in London one of us has read about - that is definitely a date

Buzzybee90

daisiegg wrote: »

We still call them 'dates' and think it is very important so, if we decide to go to the cinema because we both fancy seeing a film and it is raining, or if we can't be bothered to cook so pop out for a curry - that is not a date. But if we plan a special meal out, both have it in our diaries, dress up for it, get taxis so we can both drink (well not now while I am pregnant) - or plan a night at the theatre - or decide to try out a bar in London one of us has read about - that is definitely a date

Fair enough, I wouldn't call it anything in particular apart from what it was... If that makes sense! But I know people call things like that date nights but I always thought that was an Americanism!

daisiegg

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Fair enough, I wouldn't call it anything in particular apart from what it was... If that makes sense! But I know people call things like that date nights but I always thought that was an Americanism!

Maybe it is an Americanism but I think for us it helps to differentiate from just a normal night, and emphasise that it is a night for us to focus on each other and spend proper quality time. Also makes it seem exciting

MrsE_2

aileth wrote: »

Well that is definitely understandable. She has paid the majority of the evenings, lets say 75% at least, for the past 3 or so dates. She has no issues paying for her way in dates, but has been caught by an unexpected bill, so I think she was hoping he would white knight her.

Max she should be paying is 50%

shell1999

As a woman I have never paid for any date and I have never offered to pay for anything, having said that I have never asked a man out on a date. My husband was a total gentleman and still is now eighteen years on.

I say start as you mean to go on.

Georgiegirl256

daisiegg wrote: »

We still call them 'dates' and think it is very important so, if we decide to go to the cinema because we both fancy seeing a film and it is raining, or if we can't be bothered to cook so pop out for a curry - that is not a date. But if we plan a special meal out, both have it in our diaries, dress up for it, get taxis so we can both drink (well not now while I am pregnant) - or plan a night at the theatre - or decide to try out a bar in London one of us has read about - that is definitely a date

I think the mere fact that you're dressing up, getting a taxi etc is enough to differentiate it from a 'normal' night without having to call it a date. Calling it a date once you're in a well established relationship/married is (and this is just my opinion of course, no offence intended ) is a bit weird.

nickyhutch

I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for me whilst dating. If he was so insistent that it became rude and churlish to object, then I'd accept, but make sure I paid the next time. Last time I had a "date", he was amazed (and impressed) that I got money out and bought rounds of drinks.

nickyhutch

And we (together 10 years, married nearly 4) don't have "dates". We go out a fair bit, and stay in in a fair bit cooking special stuff, but they aren't dates, just great nights out or in.