First few dates etiquette

ScrimpingandSaving

Blimey, when did the word free load er become an offensive term?

uberalles

Male , mid forties.

I'd pay for the first date, whatever it'd be , as I always have, maybe the second too, then expect to take turns going forward.

NinjaSavingKat

I am very traditional as well. I would expect the man to pay for the first date. If there was any suggestion that he told me to pay my own there wouldn't be a second date. I have been lucky though that most of my dates were happy with paying most of the nights out as they earned more and my subsequent boyfriends have done the same (did I mention I am just plain super company as well0 - HOWEVER boyfriends always had numerous and frequent home cooked meals which they were grateful for and happy to have so treating me to meals out was fine for them.

Recently I have quite happily paid for myself on a second date. This doesn't bother me as long as I have a say in where we eat (vegan / tee-totaller) and I would not split the bill out of principle if someone ordered an expensive bottle of wine and a steak...:rotfl:

If it was suggested to me that I should pay for myself I would wonder at the man's manners as there are other ways of suggesting a split bill etc.... if I actually had to pay for him on a first date then he wouldn't see me again.

As I said - old fashioned. But everyone is different. Your sister has expectations of what she is worth - there is nothing wrong with this - but why hang around to see if he will change into a the chivalrous man she so desires when he has proved already this is not the man he is? Is she desperate for this to work out?

Having to talk to a man about why is not willing to cover her for this one date so early on in the "relationship" is just cringe worthy - tell your sister to cancel.

Buzzybee90

I hope never to go on a date but, as a young person, I'd expect the man to pay though I would always offer. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend paid for the rare meals out we went on before we shared everything - things like valentines he certainly did.

daisiegg

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I hope never to go on a date but, as a young person, I'd expect the man to pay though I would always offer. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend paid for the rare meals out we went on before we shared everything - things like valentines he certainly did.

You hope never to go on a date? That's sad! My husband and I love a good date

Buzzybee90

daisiegg wrote: »

You hope never to go on a date? That's sad! My husband and I love a good date

I think of a date as something you do before a relationship, just call it a meal out etc now!

Georgiegirl256

aileth wrote: »

Would you expect the man to pay for the first date? Or even second, third, or more? Would you expect both genders to go Dutch for the first, or at a certain point into the relationship?

I wouldn't expect the man to pay for a first date. No one should IMO. I would offer to pay for my own or perhaps go Dutch if we're having something of a similar value. Unless your date actually mentions it's on them, then I think it's rude not to offer.

Is chivalry dead? Did such a thing ever exist? Is it anti-feminist to be chivalrous in the eyes of fellas?

It's always nice to be treated and wined and dined, but it works both ways IMO.

geri1965_2

I wouldn't like a man to pay for everything on a date - it would make me feel uncomfortable. If he insisted, I would accept and make sure I paid next time, or get the drinks in or something.

I have always paid my own way in life.

Georgiegirl256

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I think of a date as something you do before a relationship, just call it a meal out etc now!

Same here. I wouldn't call going out for a meal, to the cinema or bowling with my husband a date. A date is something you do before things get serious.

anotheruser

I am old fashioned.

However I do feel both parties should pay for their own meals, tickets, whatever. None of this "split the bill half/half" either as that is never really fair.

The problem is women (sorry :P).
As women are being all modern then they are offering to pay, which is nice, but men are now taking advantage, as is clear from the first post.

Yes, this is lumping everyone in the same boat, which clearly not everyone is the same but on a general consensus...

Plus, any "man" who still lives at home with the parents (without GOOD reason) isn't worth dating. You want a man, not a mummies boy.

Get your sister to find someone who will offer to pay for the first date (although this may be a quick choice at the time of payment), but she should be prepared to pay for herself. She should in no way expect for the guy to pay or offer to pay for the guy. A girl once did that for me and while it has only happened that once, and I did feel flattered, it made me feel a little un-easy.

PS: is your sister hot?