First few dates etiquette

trolleyrun

Your sister should be honest with the guy and tell him she's paid for most of the dates and ask why he's not willing to pay for this one. He sounds like a free loader and if he decides to not go out with her again, your sister will have a lucky escape.

I haven't been on a date for a while, but I'd expect the inviter to pay, however I'd be prepared to pay for myself if I wasn't the inviter.

aileth

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I would never expect a man to pay for me. Why should I? I earn my own money and don't expect anyone else's to be spent on me

Generally me and OH buy drinks in rounds - and yes, in a group I stand my round too! - and if one of us fancies eating out/takeaway, whoever chose to do it pays. We also occasionally treat each other to small gifts, but it's in no way expected.

Chivalry is not dead, I like to believe it has evolved into good manners towards both sexes. However, sadly, I do sometimes see misogyny creeping in under the disguise of "being a gentleman".

I'm also of the opinion that women should contribute towards their engagement ring, or be prepared to hand it back if the engagement ends...

Maybe I'm a bit radical. Or just a bit mad

HBS x

No I don't think that's at all radical, I like that way of thinking.

I think what has miffed her really is that she has been paying more than a half share for the first three dates and now it comes to a date where she's unable to, he refuses to do what she has been doing for the past three!

Apparently now he is suggesting that they do free things instead as she 'refuses' :eek: to pay her fair share!!!!!!!

trolleyrun wrote: »

Your sister should be honest with the guy and tell him she's paid for most of the dates and ask why he's not willing to pay for this one. He sounds like a free loader and if he decides to not go out with her again, your sister will have a lucky escape.

I haven't been on a date for a while, but I'd expect the inviter to pay, however I'd be prepared to pay for myself if I wasn't the inviter.

She has been honest with him, told him all of this and he has avoided the question of why not entirely, simply refusing to pay extra.

heartbreak_star

aileth wrote: »

Yes, I did think that women disliking it came into it partly. My dad has had women go absolutely bananas on him for holding the door open for them 'because they're a woman!' He does it regardless of gender.

I'm pretty equalitarian and I think that's bonkers.

Extreme feminism gets those of us who would like equality, for men and women both, tarred with a bad brush too :mad:

HBS x

heartbreak_star

aileth wrote: »

No I don't think that's at all radical, I like that way of thinking.

I think what has miffed her really is that she has been paying more than a half share for the first three dates and now it comes to a date where she's unable to, he refuses to do what she has been doing for the past three!

Apparently now he is suggesting that they do free things instead as she 'refuses' :eek: to pay her fair share!!!!!!!

I'd be kicking him to the kerb, and I'd say the same if it was the other way around.

HBS x

Netwizard

As a bloke, i'd pay half and expect her to pay half. Not sure why I should be expected to pay for everything "because its gentlemanly"

If the woman wants me to pay for everything and not "go dutch", then I'm dating the wrong people!

paddyrg

The person who initiates the date should pick up the tab

sweetme

On a first date I'd offer to go dutch but would kinda expect the man to say no and pay. Any further dates I'd pay my way, Like HBS says I earn so am more than happy to pay my share.

BigAunty

Perhaps it's a generational thing and your sister belongs to an era when ladies could indeed expect to have the bills picked up by the gent?

Or perhaps she has decided she is traditional because her income is so low?!

I wouldn't expect to be treated on a date, I'd prefer to share expenses but if a person insisted on picking up the tab, I'd consider it rude to refuse and would hope to be able to reciprocate in the future.

That said, the guy that has pushed back due to her being broke and who hasn't paid a fare share to date sounds stingy - perhaps she's dodging a bullet by the way he is creating such a poor first impression?

And I'm sorry - still living at home? That's a real apron string issue for me and perhaps another flag that he's tight because it represents better value for money than living independently when you can afford to.

If she cannot afford basic social expenses then perhaps she could consider 'cheaper' activities than meals out with her fellas in the future - meet up for coffee? picnic in the park? visit to art exhibition followed by sandwiches in the cafe?

Is she using a dating agency?

dandelionclock30

Personally I couldnt be bothered with all that. Why cant they do something with minimal costs like going for a walk, to a park with a bottle of cider lol, to another town etc.
I wouldnt be getting into all this who pays buisness as I wouldnt be into that type of thing, like meals and big nights out etc.
If that is your thing then I think whats only fair is 50/50 and if you want you get them an extra drink etc. I would'nt want anyone paying for me.
Your sisters date sounds like a tight bottom, so just tell he to get rid now as she doesnt want to be stuck with someone like that.

aileth

She is very traditional, as am I. We are both very old-fashioned even though we are still quite young, I don't think her views are based on her income and that being old-fashioned is 'compatible' with her money.

She can afford basic social expenses as I've said, she has had absolutely no issues with paying her way for dates, this is the first time she has had to ask for a fella to cover her as she's had an unexpected outgoing.

She's not using a dating agency. 90% of her dates have been friends of friends, as is this one.