Really concerned about my friend's children, constantly fed sweets and other junk

VJsmum

rachiibell wrote: »

Could you invite them all round for tea once a week? You'll know the kids are getting at least one decent meal and your friend might be tempted to try some of your recipes after tasting them and seeing you cook them (so make sure you pick easy ones!)

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

OP, I think the best thing you can do is start off by causally showing her some healthy and easy recipes that she can make and then freeze. Have her and the kids over maybe and make them a good home cooked meal, try and get the little ones introduced to new and yummy tasting foods.

This looks like the best advice to me - but be warned, the kids might not eat it

Caroline_a

Many years ago when my youngest was a toddler we went to visit some (childless) friends. They also had some other friends over who were expecting their first baby. Halfway through the visit the toddler got grumpy, mostly due to being tired. I knew she wasn't going to sleep in a strange place unless she was totally exhausted, so in an effort to spoil everybody's day with a miserable youngster I got out a tube of Smarties out of my bag.

The pregnant 'friend' looked at me in horror "you're not going to feed her all those dreadful E numbers are you??'. Needless to say I wasn't going to alter anything on her say-so, and certainly wouldnt have changed had she even been an experienced parent.

Unfortunately there are people out there who feed their children unhealthy diets, keep them cooped up in front of screens all day with no fresh air, and do other dreadful things that we all know are so bad for children. The Nanny State does its best to interfere, and just gets people's backs up, so sometimes, unless it's physical danger to the child, violence, etc, you just have to live and let live. It's unlikely you will make any difference, short of upsetting and possibly losing a friend.

Oh and as an aside, said toddler was fed on a diet that consisted of meals made from scratch and no 'fast food' type meals at all. She's now a top sportswoman.

Lily-Rose_3

This ^^^ Too many nosey parkers imo..It's bad enough that we have health visitors and doctors and nurses etc dictating to us how we should be raising our kids. I'll be damned if I would tolerate some nosey so-called friend telling me what to do. She would be an ex-friend in the blink of an eye.

Lily-Rose_3

Birdy12 wrote: »

Uh oh, I knew this would happen, people start outlining how healthy they make their children's diet, how they allow them to have one Malteser a year or that they've never allowed them to look at a nugget.

Can we stop the competition and stick to the OP's original question.

Cheers , Birdy

With you 100% on this Birdy. This kind of thing always happens. Not only with how some people are "so perfect" at raising their kids, and feeding them 100% cooked-from-scratch-food etc, but also with many other things as well.

When someone says something, someone comes along and tries to trump it by making the way they do it more superior. "My child was fed all cook-from-scratch-food and was breastfed til they were 3 and now have 3 university degrees, and they'e a doctor. But my friend's son was fed smarties and wotsits as a child, and bottle fed, and now they work in Greggs.' :rotfl:

somethingcorporate

It's amazing that people think putting children's health and well-being first is being a nosey parker.

No wonder we're turning into a nation of fatties if we all think it's fine to bring up kids on nothing but sugar and fat.

It's not about being holy-than-thou or the perfect parent -it's about putting the children's health first. They have no need for sugar or chocolate in their diet - parents that feed this as a staple are just stupid and lazy.

I'd be pretty annoyed if someone was critical how we bring up our little one but ultimately if it is bleeding obvious that we were doing something not in the best interest of our baby girl then I'd like to be told that.

Caroline_a

The main problem is that ideas change. So what is 'good' for someone now, will be 'bad' for them next week. I'm sure if we were all asked what would be correct for a pregnant woman to eat, as recommended when we were pregnant, it would be different for every age group. Even weaning advice has changed dramatically - we were recommended to wean at 3 months!

Remember the egg scandal with Edwina Currie? and all the other 'eat this, don't eat that' scandals. I remember when corned beef was considered potentially dangerous as a single tin was traced to have caused an outbreak of typhoid. My mother wouldn't buy it for ages.

So what one person thinks of as being 'healthy' will differ from another - the way children are brought up in different countries is a big case in point! My recommendation would still be to leave well alone, unless you are ok about risking a friendship.

Nicki

The most relevant facts to me in the opening post were single mother and kids aged 10 months and 3 years old.

I can still recall (blearily) when my second child was 10 months old and having a toddler to look after and how I looked forward to my husband coming home in the evenings for a break. How I would cope with two small people on my own 24/7 whilst possibly grieving a recent break up I have no idea. What I do know is that no one is superhuman and so something has to slip in all of that maelstrom.

If I were struggling along and a friend offered criticism as to how I was managing in such difficult situations I'd be devastated. And I'd want them to take the mote out of their own eye too. So if you do decide to involve yourself in this OP expect some criticism back of some of your own parenting and take that with the same good grace you want your friend to take your advice as we are none of us perfect at this parenting lark.

Realistically if you are a friend and genuinely want to help giving this mum some space and practical help might be more useful in the long run. Taking both her kids off her hands for an afternoon might let her get the laundry done more easily for example and reduce her stress levels and having them over regularly for Sunday lunch would help too and give the kids a nutritional meal you are so hung up.

What this woman surely doesn't need though is extra stress in her life from a confrontation with someone she thinks is a friend.

GobbledyGook

How often do you see the children?

If you see them every single day and are sure their regular diet isn't the least bit healthy then I could understand being concerned (however I've no idea how you'd bring that up without offending).

However if you only see snapshots of their lives then you need to know more before judging. Things like chips, sausages, jam sandwiches, tinned pasta shapes are not things of concern in a varied diet imo. The occasional McDonalds does no harm and what was the context of the mouthful of energy drink? Was it a mouthful that is going to lead to more or was it a 'you won't like it - here's a mouthful because it'll stop you asking all the time'?


Making noises when they want something is not uncommon. Especially with a younger sibling who does the same. The 3 year old may be moody and hyperactive because she's eating junk food, but it might also be because she's 3. My 3 year old can be moody and hyperactive and he has what I'd call an average diet. My friend's 3 year old is moody and hyperactive at times and he has a diet that reflects the fact he has two health conscious gym instructors who have healthy food at all times as a high priority in their lives.

Were the bits of chocolate all over the place on the same day as the kids opened their Easter eggs? If they were then it's not as concerning as if there were still bits of chocolate everywhere weeks after the eggs were done.

It's something you need to tread very carefully over. If your friend takes offence then you'll be in no position to help. So only you can decide if the situation is a bad situation overall. Was it a snapshot? Are they only eating junk all of the time or are those 'bad' things being part of a diet that also includes fruit, vegetables and plenty of exercise?

Plenty of children eat things some people consider 'bad' and still have and overall good diet.

Lily-Rose_3

somethingcorporate wrote: »

It's amazing that people think putting children's health and well-being first is being a nosey parker.

No wonder we're turning into a nation of fatties if we all think it's fine to bring up kids on nothing but sugar and fat.

It's not about being holy-than-thou or the perfect parent -it's about putting the children's health first. They have no need for sugar or chocolate in their diet - parents that feed this as a staple are just stupid and lazy.

I'd be pretty annoyed if someone was critical how we bring up our little one but ultimately if it is bleeding obvious that we were doing something not in the best interest of our baby girl then I'd like to be told that.

And THIS ^^^ is the kind of thing I am talking about: people poking their nose in, acting all holier-than-thou, saying how 'it's up to me' to put my friend (or whoever else does not match up to my oh-so-perfect standards) straight!

I will repeat myself: if any so-called FRIEND of mine thought she had a right to go sticking her sticky beak into how I raise my children, she would receive a short shrift, I can tell you that, and she would NOT be a friend for much longer. As 'nicki' said above me, NOBODY is perfect at this parenting lark, even if some people think they ARE and they have some God given right to slag off other parents. And as Nicki said; anyone who critisized me would get a blasted mouthful of what I thought of THEIR parenting skills.

As if it isn't hard enough as it is, without some nosey sticky-beak thinking they have a right to butt in. Like I said, mothers have enough of that with doctors, health visitors, nurses, doctors etc, as well as in-laws, and other extended family thinking THEIR parenting skills are superior to yours; they don't need it from some supposed know-all 'friend!' Who the hell do some people think they are? :rotfl:

notanewuser

Caroline_a wrote: »

So what one person thinks of as being 'healthy' will differ from another - the way children are brought up in different countries is a big case in point!

Yes. In the Middle East, where parents are wealthy and the western world embraced, children live on fast food and doughnuts. They have a hideously sweet tooth. As a result round 20% of the population is diabetic (types 1 and 2), including young children.

Even they are starting to worry about children's eating habits.

"Sweet talk the kids

The Imperial College London Diabetes Centre in Abu Dhabi says there is a link between childhood obesity and diabetes and has the following advice for parents:

The most important thing to do is to encourage your children to lead a very active lifestyle with regular exercise. This can be anything from playing a sport regularly to a simple daily 30-minute brisk walk, or even doing a household chore.

It’s up to parents to ensure that their children have a healthy diet which includes low fat and nutrient-rich foods like fruits and vegetables, and they should limit sugary foods and drinks like sweets, chocolate and fizzy drinks.

If you’re worried that your child may be overweight and at risk of developing Type 2 diabetes you should see your doctor or dietician and they will be able to advise you how to best manage your child’s weight and general health."

http://abudhabiweek.ae/time-to-tackle-diabetes-risk/#sthash.AALoCQ2H.dpbs



http://www.thenational.ae/news/uae-news/health/surge-in-number-of-children-in-uae-with-type-1-diabetes

http://www.thenational.ae/uae/health/uae-health-alert-for-300-000-people-with-hidden-diabetes