Really concerned about my friend's children, constantly fed sweets and other junk

Person_one

somethingcorporate wrote: »

Really?!?

Jeez, you can tell you're not a parent.

How can you tell?

barbiedoll

I'm not a particularly good cook and we don't follow a fantastically healthy diet but I do know where the OP is coming from. I was dismayed to discover that one of my son's best friends was labelled as a "fussy eater" by his (lovely) mum. He would only eat chicken nuggets, burgers and chips, along with the other assorted rubbish that families use to fill up their kids, crisps etc (which we eat too!)

When the kid came to my house for tea, he got given the stuff that we eat. It turned out that he wasn't THAT fussy, he just hadn't tried anything new for ages. I first coaxed him into eating a roast potato by telling him that it was exactly the same as a big chip, but he had to have gravy with it (not exactly healthy, I know but at least it was different.)

His mum actually asked me how to cook an omelette for him as he had asked for one at home after having one at our place. She wasn't a bad mother, she just didn't know how to cook. She's of the generation that were not taught at school and her mother suffered ill health throughout her childhood so she and her sisters tended to live on tins and packet stuff, hardly her fault

As for the mucky coat, this type of thing tends to bother some people more than others. And if her child only has one coat to wear and she has no way of washing and drying a coat within a few hours, she may have had no choice. Or she could just be a bit lazy? One of my middle-class, very well-bred colleagues always looks like she has just got out of bed, she absolutely refuses to iron anything!

meritaten

you cant control other peoples diets OP. you CAN however 'discuss' the findings that 'junk food' have on kids. My own kids, it didn't occur to me to monitor what sweets they had (this was back in the late seventies early eighties), until I had DS2. and it was plain that colourings and sugar sent him hyper. so the kids weren't allowed certain sweets and tbh - I read every ingredient - I learned by heart all the E numbers - in general, the lower the number the more 'natural' an ingredient is and the less harmful.
and we had good wholesome food at home - while at school they had the awful 'turkey twizzler' type meal, until I made them take packed lunches which I couldn't really afford to do.
in your friends case she may not even realise she is feeding the kids rubbish. but, why not share 'cheap and easy' recipes with her? just be very tactful how you go about it. she may feel her kids are well fed - and be very hurt if you imply otherwise.

IrishRose12

Maybe the child is a fussy eater?? I know my brother and his wife struggled with their 3 children as they don't like other foods touching the other, they don't like vegetables, meat etc.
The only thing they would eat without a fight was chips, full fat milk, coke, crisps, jam sandwiches, bread and butter, spaghetti hoops or milkybars.

They took their eldest to the doctor when he became so fussy and the doctor told them as long as he was healthy, eating, a healthy weight and was reaching all his milestones and wasn't sick not to worry. He was always small for his age until he hit the age of 14 and now at 19 years of age is a lovely 6 foot 2 inches man, is a champion kick-boxer and also a long distance runner for his school team. Hasn't done him any harm at all. His 2 sisters are the exact same, the youngest one has now started to eat hamburgers and chicken nuggets.
Again they have had no developmental problems, no health problems, and they both do Irish dancing and Kick-boxing.
My own son is a fussy eater, will only eat fish fingers or chicken nuggets. Loves bread and butter, and loves his potatoes, be they crisps, chips or boiled potatoes. He's a healthy weight and is very rarely ill.

Also, if your friends little one is only 10mths old, making noises and pointing to get something is pretty normal, they can't really talk proper words at that age you know.

One more thing, 2 of my children each got 15 Easter Eggs for Easter, and they are allowed to eat a chocolate breakfast lunch and dinner if they want. It's a treat. We have a big family so it's to be expected, I used to have that amount when I was younger.
We still have a couple left now so this weekend we're going to make rice crispie buns, top hats and chocolate smilie faces for them to eat.

notanewuser

IrishRose12 wrote: »

Maybe the child is a fussy eater?? I know my brother and his wife struggled with their 3 children as they don't like other foods touching the other, they don't like vegetables, meat etc.
The only thing they would eat without a fight was chips, full fat milk, coke, crisps, jam sandwiches, bread and butter, spaghetti hoops or milkybars.

I'm sorry, I have to say it, but parents are the ones that give the children their future food preferences. Children can't "only like" jam sandwiches if they aren't given them! My daughter has never had a McDonald's, she couldn't pick a chicken nugget out of a line up because she's never been given them. She wouldn't eat bread until relatively recently and has only just started being less suspicious of things that touch. But when those things are good quality meat and vegetables it doesn't matter so much if they get fussy, because it isn't being replaced by junk.

IrishRose12 wrote: »

They took their eldest to the doctor when he became so fussy and the doctor told them as long as he was healthy, eating, a healthy weight and was reaching all his milestones and wasn't sick not to worry. He was always small for his age until he hit the age of 14 and now at 19 years of age is a lovely 6 foot 2 inches man, is a champion kick-boxer and also a long distance runner for his school team. Hasn't done him any harm at all.

His body has had 19 years of programming to prefer sugary things. Science shows that sugary things cause lots and lots of health problems later in life, and not just of you're obese. Liver problems, cholesterol, diabetes, cancer........... He may well have functioned well enough on mars bars so far, but he is likely to have issues in future that may have been avoided if he'd been weaned on healthier foods.

jaylee3

somethingcorporate wrote: »

Really?!?

Jeez, you can tell you're not a parent.

Yes - like person one in post 21, I would like to know how you know that someone is not a parent too.

So anyone who doesn't think that it's appropriate for some nosey interfering bint to be poking their nose in someone else's business, and dictating how they feed their kids, is 'obviously not a parent.'

What an incredibly stupid post. Do you actually READ your posts before you click 'submit reply?'

FBaby

Like everything, it is a question of balance. My DD didn't like Chocolate cake until she started going to children's party, wanted to do like everyone and then decided it wasn't so bad after all, now loves it! Should I have prevented her giving it a try because there is nothing good in it for her? Same with McD. We go once every three to six months and have done so since they were little. It's a treat, not a substitute to a normal meal. They love going and I wouldn't take that away from them just because once in a very while, they get an unhealthy treat.

The reality is, however healthy you feed your kids, they will be teenagers and will sneak sweets and cakes in their rooms and go out with their friends eating junk. That's part of it, until they learn to be reasonable about it.

IrishRose12

notanewuser wrote: »

I'm sorry, I have to say it, but parents are the ones that give the children their future food preferences. Children can't "only like" jam sandwiches if they aren't given them! My daughter has never had a McDonald's, she couldn't pick a chicken nugget out of a line up because she's never been given them. She wouldn't eat bread until relatively recently and has only just started being less suspicious of things that touch. But when those things are good quality meat and vegetables it doesn't matter so much if they get fussy, because it isn't being replaced by junk.



His body has had 19 years of programming to prefer sugary things. Science shows that sugary things cause lots and lots of health problems later in life, and not just of you're obese. Liver problems, cholesterol, diabetes, cancer........... He may well have functioned well enough on mars bars so far, but he is likely to have issues in future that may have been avoided if he'd been weaned on healthier foods.

Oh no I'm sorry but that's not true at all. When my own son was young he ate every vegetable going, ate weetabix or porridge every morning, ate fruit for snacks, but after being really ill in hospital his whole diet and attitude changed when he started to get on the mend, and at times refused to eat at one point. It was literally give him something to try and get him eating again. And this is what he ate. Now my son's doctor's and even the specialist weren't and atill aren't concerned about him, his health or his body because of what we eat, and they know every single thing that he eats as we have a food diary to fill in. So no - it's not a parents fault all the time.

My brother's children were the same, they would take fruit juice bit not a piece of fruit, and as I say, right up until my big nephew, he is healthier than some of the rest of us, he has accomplished so much and fit as a fiddle. Children can take a dislike or sometimes even a fear to food and when a parent is desperate and worried sick for their children to eat something we will do whatever it takes.

People say that their children have never and never will at in a fast food place etc. Well guess what, they're most likely to be the children who will have problems in the future when they are allowed out into the big bad world alone!

notanewuser

IrishRose12 wrote: »

Oh no I'm sorry but that's not true at all. When my own son was young he ate every vegetable going, ate weetabix or porridge every morning, ate fruit for snacks, but after being really ill in hospital his whole diet and attitude changed when he started to get on the mend, and at times refused to eat at one point. It was literally give him something to try and get him eating again. And this is what he ate. Now my son's doctor's and even the specialist weren't and atill aren't concerned about him, his health or his body because of what we eat, and they know every single thing that he eats as we have a food diary to fill in. So no - it's not a parents fault all the time.

My brother's children were the same, they would take fruit juice bit not a piece of fruit, and as I say, right up until my big nephew, he is healthier than some of the rest of us, he has accomplished so much and fit as a fiddle. Children can take a dislike or sometimes even a fear to food and when a parent is desperate and worried sick for their children to eat something we will do whatever it takes.

People say that their children have never and never will at in a fast food place etc. Well guess what, they're most likely to be the children who will have problems in the future when they are allowed out into the big bad world alone!

My daughter has had DAYS of not eating when she's been poorly etc. that doesn't mean I rushed out for chicken nuggets and potato waffles! She has fish and chips when we go out once a week (her favourite). No food is off limits, but at 3 she has no desire or need to go to McDonald's. Of course she will one day, but she doesn't have a taste for it because she's still little and I have a choice about putting those things in front of her. She would eat biscuits and chocolate all day if I let her. I allow her a little bit so that it doesn't become an issue further down the line.

Of course teens will do what they can to have what they want. Toddlers aren't teens, and that's where these habits and tastes are formed.

Birdy12

Uh oh, I knew this would happen, people start outlining how healthy they make their children's diet, how they allow them to have one Malteser a year or that they've never allowed them to look at a nugget.

Can we stop the competition and stick to the OP's original question.

Cheers , Birdy