Has my ex done something wrong?

nat21luv

Hello all,


I went abroad at the end of last year for 10 days on holiday and left my son in the care of his father, my ex, who also has PR.


As far as I was aware my son would have been in his care as it was a school week with the exception of a Saturday or Sunday perhaps to spend with the paternal grandparents. It turns out that my ex left the country the day after I did to work in the Philippines and failed to tell me before I went on holiday and during. It was only when I returned that I found out that he had been abroad for a week. He had left my son in the grandparents care for the whole duration of his visit without asking my consent so my question is, has he done something wrong?


Would there have been implications for me if something had happened to my son with us both being out of the country even if I wasn't aware?


I cant find any literature online that could help me.


Thank you

Caroline_a

To be honest, as nothing happened, if it was me I'd let it go. I might say 'please don't do that again', but in my opinion there is far more harm done by warring parents after a break-up, than something like this.

WantToBeSE

Caroline_a wrote: »

To be honest, as nothing happened, if it was me I'd let it go. I might say 'please don't do that again', but in my opinion there is far more harm done by warring parents after a break-up, than something like this.

I agree. The fact that you have to ask 'Did he do something wrong' means that there were no consequences, your son is fine.

marisco_2

There would have been a problem if your son had needed urgent medical care. A lot of treatment cannot be given without first obtaining parental consent.

GobbledyGook

He didn't do anything wrong legally. Many children are left in the care of their grandparents. Technically in his care he can ask anyone to mind his son (just as you could ask your Mum or sister or friend to mind your son) There could have been an issue with medical treatment, but thankfully there wasn't.

nat21luv

I ask as he is currently dragging me through the court to obtain more contact with our son for his parents benefit. Whilst I was out of the country Social Services were called as he accused me of child neglect as I let my son walk home from school and is alone for 30 minutes on a Wednesday afternoon while I drive home. My son is a very mature 10yr old and SS were satisfied that I have not done anything wrong. (I only found out about their involvement when I returned home too!)


I wondered if he should have obtained consent before placing him in the grandparents care as more of a 'legal(?) obligation' rather than just courtesy?

peachyprice

nat21luv wrote: »

I went abroad at the end of last year for 10 days on holiday and left my son in the care of his father, my ex, who also has PR.

He has equal rights as you to leave the country and leave his child in the care of whoever he sees fit.

Would you have left your son with your parents if his father had said he couldn't have him or would you have cancelled your holiday?

rpc

marisco wrote: »

There would have been a problem if your son had needed urgent medical care. A lot of treatment cannot be given without first obtaining parental consent.

If it is urgent, it'll be done anyway in the best interests of the child.

If it isn't urgent, then it can wait until contact has been made with parents.

The idea that no doctor can touch a child without agreement from a parent is wrong. Oft-repeated, but wrong.

This is a strawman anyway - presumably leaving the child with one or other set of grandparents would have been an option if dad had said he wasn't available? Or perhaps both parents cannot be away from home at the same time lest their child be left to suffer while a hospital searches for a signature?

Dad did morally wrong in not saying what was happening IMHO. But, just as OP can leave her child with someone else while the child is in her care, so can dad.

nat21luv

peachyprice wrote: »

Would you have left your son with your parents if his father had said he couldn't have him or would you have cancelled your holiday?

If I had known he was out of the country too then I would have postponed the holiday. He begged me to have him even though his work is booked far in advance so he would have known he wouldnt be around, probably so social workers would have had access to my son with his family present.

marisco_2

My advice is stay the bigger person and don't try to find things to hurl at your ex to undermine his case. Your son is caught in the middle of all this, and is old enough to be aware of any ill feeling between all the adults around him. Ultimately the court will base its decision on what is in the best interests of your son, nothing more and nothing less.

GobbledyGook

nat21luv wrote: »

If I had known he was out of the country too then I would have postponed the holiday. He begged me to have him even though his work is booked far in advance so he would have known he wouldnt be around, probably so social workers would have had access to my son with his family present.

The silly thing is he's probably done himself no favours with his actions. The courts (and social services) don't look kindly on people who try to play games.

They will only be interested in what benefits your son and showing that is your only concern will carry far more weight than getting involved in tit-for-tat with him.