Wife accused of cheating, denies it...

nebakanezer

Errata wrote: »

I don't think it's possible to be both ratonal and irratonal at the same time about something, they're diamatrically opposed.
Make love to your wife because you love her, not to bandage your own insecurity.

I didn't mean at the same time, I can go days feeling fine and trusting her, then just start thinking stuff at work when I'm on my own

theoretica

I haven't read all the posts so hope this isn't out of place, but:
If you SIL is so determined to stir up trouble and something was going on in a public place don't you think a phone camera would have been brought out to take snaps as evidence?

Errata

nebakanezer wrote: »

I didn't mean at the same time, I can go days feeling fine and trusting her, then just start thinking stuff at work when I'm on my own

So think about something else, you're in control of your thoughts and make a conscious choice about what to think about.

nebakanezer

theoretica wrote: »

I haven't read all the posts so hope this isn't out of place, but:
If you SIL is so determined to stir up trouble and something was going on in a public place don't you think a phone camera would have been brought out to take snaps as evidence?

She claimed there were photos, but my wife simply said there weren't, then asked her for them, and they never showed up

cats_ahoy

I would put pressure on the SIL to get answers, if she is making it up she will show it somewhere. Trick her into admitting she made it up.

Make up fake scenarios - pick a date where you know your wife was with you, but tell the SIL you slept away at a friends house leaving your wife alone, and ask the SIL 'what happened that night?' Say you 'were away and you heard she was down the pub then'. If she says anything, you know instantly she is lying.

sharnad

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Sounds like she's horny when she gets back from a night out.....What could be making her horny while she's out drinking?

Alcohol......

nebakanezer

cats_ahoy wrote: »

I would put pressure on the SIL to get answers, if she is making it up she will show it somewhere. Trick her into admitting she made it up.

Make up fake scenarios - pick a date where you know your wife was with you, but tell the SIL you slept away at a friends house leaving your wife alone, and ask the SIL 'what happened that night?' Say you 'were away and you heard she was down the pub then'. If she says anything, you know instantly she is lying.

That's almost already happened, as in being accused of staying out, when obviously I know she hasn't, as I live with her, and a couple of other things when she's been accused of being in one place when she was in another...

Kynthia

So everyone who you like, respect and trust thinks there's nothing going on. Only people who are known or proven liars or exaggerators are saying something is going on. Before the accusations were made you didn't think there was anything wrong in your relationship and even now you don't think there's an affair. Also logic tells you that your wife wouldn't be kissing men in a pub where your friends are, your friends didn't see anything and she's even taken you to this pub where anyone could have taken you to one side and told you about her behaviour.


So why don't you trust her and why cant you let it drop? Either you think she's done something wrong and think she's an excellent liar, so leave her and end this torment. Or for some reason there is a part of you that wants to sabotage your relationship, do you have trust issues or think you don't deserve to be happy? Perhaps you should have counselling on your own for this?

cats_ahoy

nebakanezer wrote: »

That's almost already happened, as in being accused of staying out, when obviously I know she hasn't, as I live with her, and a couple of other things when she's been accused of being in one place when she was in another...

So you have evidence the SIL is a liar, yet you're still doubtful? If it were me I would get concrete evidence she is lying, and then tell the SIL to **** off (preferably in front of a large crowd), as she has seriously disrespected you and your wife. Make her feel embarrassed for her accusations and behavior. Who needs family like that?

Obviously that would only be an option if you were 100% sure your SIL was a liar.

nebakanezer

Kynthia wrote: »

So everyone who you like, respect and trust thinks there's nothing going on. Only people who are known or proven liars or exaggerators are saying something is going on. Before the accusations were made you didn't think there was anything wrong in your relationship and even now you don't think there's an affair. Also logic tells you that your wife wouldn't be kissing men in a pub where your friends are, your friends didn't see anything and she's even taken you to this pub where anyone could have taken you to one side and told you about her behaviour.


So why don't you trust her and why cant you let it drop? Either you think she's done something wrong and think she's an excellent liar, so leave her and end this torment. Or for some reason there is a part of you that wants to sabotage your relationship, do you have trust issues or think you don't deserve to be happy? Perhaps you should have counselling on your own for this?

I've had counselling